DREAM COME TRUE

Once upon a time, (so begins my story), The year was 1957. The date was 20th April, and the importance of the date was that it was my 7th birthday. I used to study in St Anne's Convent School in Secunderabad and stayed in the boarding House. My parents lived in Nagarjuna Sagar about 100 kms. away. They had come to take me out to celebrate my birthday. I still have strong recollection of the small green traffic island and the shops around the island near my school. I was taken to a book shop there and asked to buy a book of my own choice. I selected a big hard bound book called "Elves and Fairies". It's cost was all of three rupees. Not very cheap, as one would imagine by today's standard. It was one gift that I remember to this day. The shop, the whole experience still is one of my strongest memories of my life to this date.

That book opened a whole new world to me of dreams, magic, fairies and elves, of castles and trapped princesses, of witches and kind fairies. I loved the book and the vivid doors of imagination that it opened for me were really gargantuan. I lived in that magic world until real life realities dawned on me and the pressures of life and living made me remain on Terra firma for eons and eons.
That was until the arrival of the year 2008.

2008-the year when Anurag's daughter Aaria arrived amongst us, spreading a lot of happiness in three continents. Kunaal won the scholarship in his school-'Eaton Manor' for excelling in studies. Aaliya also joined a private school Eaton Manor for Girls. She also had a ballet performance at a real theatre.

So this was the year when 1957 revisited me. As a surprise gift to Chaitali my daughter and her children Kunaal and Aaliya who were visiting Anurag, Jharna and Aaria in Nashua (USA ), we planned a trip to Disney World Florida, without breathing a word about it to anyone. This trip was disclosed to them on their arrival in Nashua by way of a jig- saw puzzle. They had come prepared to brace the cold -cold winter of Nashua and here they were off to Florida-the sunshine state. The look on their faces was a treat to watch. Except for my little grand daughter Aaliya, all of four and a half years old, who actually looked terrified. We coaxed her to come out with her feelings and found that she was actually very very scared, her imagination was running wild, she would burst into tears, and could not stop voicing one fear after another. She was scared the monsters would eat up her brother and grand father, as they were the adventurous type. The fairies, the princesses and all those terrible beasts and ogre and witch and all evil stepped out and every minute one fear or the other was having to be expelled, keeping in mind that her mythical world of fairies and princesses also should not be shattered.

We had to remove all her fears one by one and actually try to convince her that she would have fun. One doesnt realise how real these stories can get for little minds. I re- lived all my childhood fantasies while talking with Aaliya. With much persuasion she was happy, and we could go to Florida weather permitting. It was not to be, and our flight was cancelled, we did however manage to get the next day's flight, in the early morning and we set off. Florida was really beautiful, green and clean, and our resort was also very nice with an open air but warm water swimming pool, which also had a pirate's ship, now used as a diving board. The rooms were soooo comfy, more like a two bed roomed apartment, with all the amenities required, including crockery and cutlery, a jaccuzi in the bed room and what have you!!!

A dream which I had never dreamed of even in my wildest dreams actually came true when we went to Disney World. It is very different when one visits with children, for whom it was so very thrilling. Meeting all the Disney characters, standing in long lines to get pictures taken, get autograph books signed, the awe of actually seeing and touching those characters- words are not enough to describe that feeling. The joy of the children, their faces lit up like a 1000 watt Christmas decoration was indeed a treat to watch. The children were happy, happier and happiest!!!!!

The tiring walks, the long day, the little- little skirmishes between the brother and sister would dissolve into brilliant smiles as soon as they saw something straight out of the fairy tale book.
Not only the children, we too were dumb struck by the beauty of the castle and the fantastic performances that were put up. They were so very inspiring. the theme of "Your dream will come true if you believe in your dream", made me realise that indeed, we keep running after such perfunctory things of day to day living, while inside us, we all have that child like simplicity to be happy and make our own selves happy. "Believe, and it will come true". This has been the message of each religious leader. The only difference is that they ask you to believe in them and then they will grant you your wish, whereas the plain and simple truth is that it is all within our own selves to believe and see our dreams come true.

Meeting Daisy Duck, Donald Duck, Tigger and Pooh, Chip and Dale, Farukhi, was great. Meeting Mickey took the cake though. He is "Sir Mickey" so one has to meet him inside his house. One first went to the house of Minnie, which was so spick and span, beautiful, orderly, neat and all pink. Then one goes to Mickey's house which is a total anti thesis. Untidy, things all strewn around and the kitchen in shambles. Meeting Mickey was a treat though, quite worth the wait. We could not meet Minnie though, as she was away for a short break when our turn came.

Meeting the princesses and fairies was a bit difficult, as it should be. There were long queues, where one waited and waited, in anticipation. Once inside the room of the princesses, it was again very fascinating. There was Cinderella, Beauty(of Beauty and the Beast)and the Sleeping Beauty. The characters were straight out of the book, extremely beautiful with the same gown and hair style as in the book. The way the princess spoke was also bewitching. They were REAL. They spoke ethereally, they were dainty and demure. Cinderella taught Aaliya how to wave like a princess. Beauty asked Aaliya if her brother Kunaal had gone to slay the demon, as he was not with us then. Sleeping Beauty being Aaliya's favourite got the biggest smile from Aaliya. I dont think Aaliya will forget these experiences ever.

The Fairies line was next. That was even longer. Once at the entrance the usher took us aside and put a little wrist band on the hand of Kunaal as we were all to shrink to the size of the fairies-as they are very very small and to see them one has to shrink to their size, once leaving the chamber one returns to normal size. It was delightful going into that dreamlike garden, so beautiful and so pastel and so dainty. The fairies were REAL again. What beautiful memories and what lovely recollections for all of us.

This experience of visiting Disney World, the world of MAGIC and dreams coming true, will remain etched in my memory forever. I will have to thank Jharna for this fantastic idea of the surprise trip.

It was a lovely trip Down Memory Lane, going all the way back to 1957-where my tryst with elves and fairies started. I will never let my dreams die now. I will never let my childhood go away. It will remain with me - my world of elves and fairies, forever and ever. I know I will live happily ever after.

BE THE BEACON

The attack on the Taj and Trident (Oberoi), and the VT in Mumbai, was an attack on the nation. It hit where it hurt most. The Taj is the pride of the nation. It is that beautiful, historical hotel built by Sir Jamshedji Tata to rebuff the Empire and its discrimination on the basis of race. The Oberoi was also built by an Indian who started his career in the ranks. The majestic VT station, is the nerve center of this business capital of India. It hit hard and hurt each and every Indian, wherever he or she was. Indians in any part of the world was glued to their TV sets watching in distress and pain the entire operation minute by minute.
What affected each person was the guile, bravery and fortitude with which people of our police and armed forces of every wing gave their all for us-the citizens of this country. People in uniform have received nothing but ridicule from one and all. They are constantly being criticised for corruption, their ruthlessness, and they are also grudged their pay rises and other perks that are given to them. It is only in a crisis that their worth is appreciated. It is the discipline that they are taught which makes them what they are. Their training and entire being is dedicated to the nation. They do not falter in the face of such dangers, do not think about themselves or their families, but simply obey orders and jump into the fray.
We citizens do nothing but sulk, be cynical and have long discussions, running down everything and everyone, trying to fix responsibility for the calamity that has happened. We then feel very satisfied that we have done our bit by engaging in that arm chair discussion, and then rest assured that nothing can be done for this country. We blame the politician, the bureaucrat and anyone else we can think of, except our own selves. We believe that we always do our duty.
We do not see that the position that we are in is because of our own lapses. We have got the government that we deserved. Our bureaucracy is inefficient as that is how we wanted it to be.
We who have been given this magnificent Constitution on a platter, democracy and also the education to exercise our vote, simply do not make use of this right. Most of us do not vote, as we have the constant complaint that there are no capable choices, or because we are very convinced that there is no honest voting and that the elections are rigged. If we wish to make a difference then we have to be the catalyst. We need to start being alive to the ills of the nation and try to find solutions to them instead of only looking for the culprit whom we can blame.
Seeking divine intervention is also no solution to the ills of the nation. It is we the people, who can make a difference, if we remain aware, alert and active. Our complete devotion to the nation, our determination and diligence will make each one of us a beacon who can go forth and bring about a much needed change and right attitude for going forward in nation building.

MEMORIAL

Today, I went to see the Veteran's Memorial Service at the City Hall in London which is the office of the Greater London Authority. The City Hall is on the River Thames and is a beautiful elliptical building near the famous Tower Bridge of London. The ceremony was a tribute paid to remember those people of London who had served during the Two World Wars and had lost their lives. They also paid tribute to those who died in Iraq and Afghanistan. The British have a history of doing things in a very solemn and ceremonial way. The entire ceremony which lasted for an hour was moving and done with a lot of dignity. It also left one feeling proud and was inspirational. There was no pathos or bitterness. It was very solemn. There were a lot of old people who were there in their Uniforms with their medals displayed. Some of them had a lot of difficulty in walking, yet they had come to pay tribute and be a part of the memorial ceremony

It brought to my mind the thought that in our lives, we keep on building memories, which will one day be memorials to some relationship. In our dealings with our own people, we are often very callous. We do not remember that what is today, may not be there tomorrow. The relationship that we build today, needs to be strong. The bonding that we have today has to be mature and honest. That is the basis of true friendship. Unless we are good friends of our children, our parents, our spouse, our relationship cannot be strong. Where we cannot be honest, we deceive. If we are not able to express our true emotions, the foundation of that relationship is bound to be based on egg shells, and needs to be tread on very cautiously. A true friend is one who will understand the other, who will know the friend well enough not to misunderstand , or be judgemental and not change opinion of the friend every day. A true friend would be one who would know and understand true colours and moods, and stand by the friend through thick and thin. If one has to take care of one's P's and Q's with one's true friend, then that is surely not true friendship.

APPRECIATION OF ACHIEVEMENT

The victory of Barack Obama is being seen all over the world as an achievement, a landmark, a victory of the oppressed people against injustice, dehumanisation and exploitation. He is being viewed as the first black President of the World's biggest power. It is really a very very big achievement, unparalleled in history.

However, there are some who feel that referring to Mr. Obama's colour will not promote inclusiveness and will inflame resentment. They want his victory to be heralded as a victory for a talented, charismatic, inspirational person. They do not like the constant reference to the colour. Viewing this victory devoid of the reference to colour will make the triumph just a simple victory. This victory is not usual, so why should it be seen as such? Why must this unusual triumph not be viewed with the disadvantage that it actually had. Why is it that those who have never faced discrimination, never want to acknowledge that it does exist. Why play down an achievement which is historical. It has to be understood that bias, discrimination and exploitation does exist. Simply turning a blind eye to it, or wishing it away, will not make it a myth. We have to face the way human beings exploit some other human beings. Caste in India, race, colour, religion all over the world is a divisive feature. Some who have the power, exploit those who don't.

With equal opportunities and availability of education for all, the oppressed people have been able to find a voice for themselves. They have been able to gather together to form a critical mass which can fight exploitation and learn from each other and support each other. They have learnt that they are human beings who have a right to freedom and are able to fight against oppression. In the Indian context religion was the factor which exploited people on the basis of caste. The caste system degraded people of lower castes to the extent that they became Untouchables, whose shadow was enough to defile a person of the upper caste. People were treated worse than animals. They were not allowed to hear the scriptures and not allowed to sit in class rooms. If people from these oppressed castes with so much disadvantage managed to reach a position of power then that achievement cannot be viewed as equal to that of the person from a higher caste. We have to view every achievement along with the background in which it was achieved.

Similarly when women achieve a high position in a man's world, that achievement too must be seen as unusual. Women have been exploited all over the world. They have not been given equal opportunity. They have had to fight for every right. The purdah system, the treatment given to the girl child, the status of women in society as second class citizens,has made girls fight for their rights. In India till a few decades ago girls were not treated equal to sons. A son was needed to pave the way to heaven for the parents. Pind daan could be given only by a son, who would do it for all the forefathers. The tragedy is that no body tries to examine these rules laid down centuries ago. Blind faith makes people follow age old unreasonable customs and traditions. In this world where the birth of a girl is heralded with sorrow, if a girl is able to achieve something exceptional then that achievement cannot be usual. It is unusual, and needs to be given its due appreciation. This brings to my mind that a messenger in my Branch in State Bank of India had named his daughter Nirasha, which means 'Despair'. This was about 6 years ago. I felt very sorry for the girl who has to live in this world with such a name.


Exceptional feats have to be accepted as such. They should not be underplayed.
No achievement can be seen devoid of the circumstances. They need to be seen, understood and heralded in their totality.

MY FATHER- N G Uke

On the 4th of November 2006, suddenly my whole world came crashing down in front of me. I knew it was inevitable but when I got the news that my father had died, I could not bear the news. I wasn't shocked, I was devastated. The person whom I had known my whole life, who was ALWAYS there guiding me, teaching me, helping me,scolding me, holding me in high esteem, the one who made me feel , as if I was the greatest, that person, was never going to call me again. I would never be able to hear that unique way in which he used to call me"Varshaaaa".

Could I live in a world where he was not going to be around. Whom would I turn to in moments of distress-emotional, financial, work related stress?

Who was going to make me feel that I was equal to or far superior than anyone else? He always had the greatest expectations from me and I always strived to come up to his expectations. I got a medal for Good Conduct in my school. I got two double promotions in school. I topped the University and was First Class First in Political Science (Hon's). I was a National Merit Scholar. I did meet his expectations academically

My whole personality was his gift to me. The way I conduct myself, my self confidence, my language, the way I handle problems, the way I look at other points of view, my tolerance and intolerance of different views, are all that I learnt from him. The importance of being earnest, the value of time, to be a visionary, to be an optimist, to be able to forgive, and to take life in it's stride, was all that I saw in him, and now I try to emulate. I am trying to walk on the path that he showed me.

My father was very much ahead of his times. When I was born, people came up to offer messages like, "Koi baat nahi, next time it will be a son", my father in return asked to be congratulated as for him a daughter was as important as a son. All my life, he was my ideal. I actually hero worshipped him. He was very idealistic, honest and always stood by his beliefs. He was extremely straightforward, and never minced his words. He would say what was correct, even if it hurt him too in some way. He never tried to please anyone.

He was a staunch atheist. He could never understand why people needed the crutches of blind faith, rituals and religion to live in this world. He believed religion had been created and allowed to flourish for the benefit of a few people.

Daddy was a strong believer in equality. No one was inferior, whether a boy, girl, or a different caste, class or creed. All human beings were equal. He would never get beaten in an argument on these subjects.

His wisdom, knowledge, analytical mind were par excellence. His thinking and crystal clear view of things, events and incidents were a treat to hear and read. He was a great writer. I used to be amazed at his command over the English language. He who had studied in a village school and a person from a rural background, whose parents were not educated, had such a beautiful command over the language, which I who had a convent school background, and also a voracious reader could not match. He loved collecting books. It was his passion to buy books.

A person who had gone on a Government of India scholarship to London to pursue the graduation course in Engineering, saved every penny that he could to buy books. When he returned from London after a stay of three years, he had an enormous collection of books. However due to his transferable job, he had to leave his collection in Nagpur, where they got destroyed. It was a great loss, as it was Love's labour lost.

Although a good collector of books, he seldom had time to read them. He took ages to finish a book, because he took pains to understand each and everything that had been written. The book would actually be studied in great detail, with all his red pen noting in the margin of almost every page. He could never read fiction. He always planned to read the books in his free time, which he never had. He was always busy. His mind was always preoccupied with his thoughts on how best he could uplift the people of his community.

He was always very particular about the language that we used in our daily life. It was important to always present a correct picture and never have confusing things to say. Be clear and use correct language. He always said that we should practice what we preach. He did not believe in blind faith, evil eye, superstitions, religious rituals, luck, rebirth or migration of soul. In his language he never used the words luck, fortunately or unfortunately.

He was always ready to greet a new day happily. He never wasted time. Everything was planned meticulously. He had a lot of work to do as he wanted the whole world to become rational and not live in the world of make believe of superstition and religion

I miss him every day of my life. One person whom I could implicitly trust, who never deceived. He was extremely devoted to the service of his people.

Losing a parent is a great tragedy, and if the person is of the stature of Mr. N G Uke, then the tragedy gets manifold. He had so much to do, he wished to do so much.I need to take up some of his unfinished task. I wish and hope that soon I will gather some courage and go through his papers. I am determined that I will try to finish at least somethings that my father wanted me to do. I will be courageous and try to do what best I can.

MY MOTHER

Whatever I am today is because of what my parents did for me. My mother planned my future, she wished the best for me. She gave up a lot of comforts so that I could have them. Right from my childhood when I must have given her all those sleepless nights, those torturous moments when I may have been sick, all those things which I took for granted - those were painful, anxious and of course joyous moments for my mother. She never recounted those moments to me, but now nearing the autumn of my life and seeing the winter of my mother in front of me, I wish to recount for all those who would care to read what my mother did for me. About my father, I will choose to speak on another day.

I know, every mother does things for her children - but then is it trivial? All those who are mothers or fathers will be able to appreciate and understand my feelings.

My father was in a government job, an Executive Engineer in Hirakud dam project- when the dam was being built. There were no schooling facilities or any semblance of a town too. I was sent to Cuttack the nearest city with a convent. I was hardly five years old. It was a burden on the pocket of my father, but my mother was adamant that I would get the best education. They had to put up with hardship so that I could be educated in a boarding school. When they left me, I happily went away holding the hand of the nun who took me in, I did not glance back - typical of children, then they came back the next morning to see if I was alright. The Mother Superior had told them that they could see me from outside but should not meet me, so they stood outside the gate near a tree to see me going into assembly. They saw me happy and went back to Hirakud with Sunil my brother who was a few months old then.

I was shifted with them when ever they were transferred, always close to the project area where daddy worked. I was always put in convent schools and was given the best of everything.
Soon when Sunil could go to school he too was put in St. Xavier's School - the best boys school in Bihar. How my mother managed in the very limited money that they earned, is for us to imagine. She had determination that come what may, her children would get the best education available. The dictum was that good education stands you in good stead. It is the foundation of a strong building. Her one regret in life was that she had not got higher education. It was by her choice, as she had been given the best opportunity by her father who was a very highly placed Civil Servant of British India.

I will never be able to thank my mother enough for opening the doors of education to me.

My mother was the pivot around which our family revolved. She was my fathers steady pillar. She guided him through thick and thin. Daddy always said that she had a lot of wisdom and as she was very well read she was very perceptive and could give the best advice. Daddy always sought her counsel and always abided by what she said. In her childhood and youth she had been in close contact with the wise Dr. B. R. Ambedkar, whose very close associate was my grand father Rai Sahab G T Meshram. With thinkers, and highly literate people around her she had gathered a lot of wisdom.

Because of our education expenses my parents were often financially strained. They could not save much. Daddy and mummy always thought that their best investment was in our education.
My mother had a lot of jewellery. She does even today - and her jewellery is really beautiful. I remember the number of times that the jewellery was in the bank as a loan had to be taken against it to meet the fee requirements of either Sunil or Ujjwal or me. It was very seldom that she had jewellery to wear. That was one security that came to her rescue time and again. That is the reason that even today she buys a lot of jewellery, so that in times of need she has enough.
Due to those days of never having enough money, never being able to splurge, she has developed the habit of saving, to the extent of it appearing as hoarding. She even had to sell her very expensive, classic brocade sarees made of pure gold zari for a pittance when one of her three children needed money. Life is a big teacher. One learns in the school of life from bitter and sweet experiences.

In spite of this, I don't remember even one day of stinginess. I was never refused anything that I wanted. I was taught the true values of life. I got the best to eat and the best to wear. I travelled in style. My life was groomed to be stylish and also to appreciate the good things in life.
As a young girl whenever I came home from the boarding school on vacations, I had to learn needle work, embroidery and knitting. I was told and taught to take responsibility to keep things back in place and to keep things looking good and pretty. Daddy used to say "a thing out of its place is kacchhra." Sunil has got this fetish for tidyness and loves to keep his house tidy and beautiful. I was also given this fondness for reading by my mother, who always asked me to read good books. She is a voracious reader. History is her favourite, and her memory is that of an elephants.

I never liked cooking. Mummy never cooked as we always had servants to cook, but she was a very good cook. Both my brothers got their culinary skills from her, as they both were fond of cooking. Daddy could only boil an egg and make good tea as far as cooking was concerned. I took after him, as we both used to call eating, "A necessary evil".

Mummy looked after my daddy very well. Once when he became very very ill in Bhurkunda, she sold her jewellery to buy medicines for him, which had to be brought from Calcutta. She used to send someone all the way to Cal from Bhurkunda to get the medicine. The power and need of money made her realise that saving was very important and having money is the ultimate. That is why she is very judicious in her spending. Never a miser, she is always very helpful. I will never forget those days, when she used to come to visit me bringing fruits, vegetables and provisions just like that. I can never forget all the times when she has been so very generous. She is thrifty but never a miser. Her table has always been laden with variety of food. She likes to eat good food. She always wants at least two vegetables in each meal.

Ujjwal, who used to fall sick at the drop of a hat was given the best of care and attention. Once when he got pneumonia he was kept in a nursing home which was way beyond their means financially, but well within their budget of their heart. Ujjwal was dressed in suits right from childhood as he needed to be kept warm. Mummy was always very paranoid about Ujjwal and took great care of him. He was not sent to a boarding school and went to St. Xavier's School in Ranchi.

Although mummy was from a very aristocratic family, she adapted very well with her in laws and went to the village and was very popular with all the people as she had no airs. She was instrumental in helping my kaka get college education, as well as Chandraprabha get school and college education. When Chandraprabha wanted to marry N. P. Kamble, it was my mother who supported her.

Although mummy was always very traditional minded, due to daddy's acute dislike for rituals, and traditions which took on the hue of Religion, mummy too adopted all the ways of daddy. There was no ritual carried out in our house. The only festivals we celebrated were Holi and Diwali, without the Puja. These were festivals which brought about happiness, so despite Daddy's disapproval mummy insisted on celebrating these festivals and here she had her way.

She went out of her way to help whoever she could. Her motto in life is that the family should stay together. The family members should continue to have love and affection for each other. Brothers and sisters should always have care and concern for each other. She always told us stories of her childhood, and always aspired for all her children to go to the heights of glory. She has strived all her life for it.
Even today, her main concern is unity of the family.
She who has cared for us, nurtured us, brought us up, made us what we are today is now in need of looking after. It is pay back time for me now.

COMMUNICATION

Although I thought a few days back that it is prudent to be cautious in communication with your near and dear ones, and not say things bluntly, I wonder if one is not honest, then one is bound to keep up pretences. Is it wise to keep pretences with those whom you care for? If someone is going the wrong way after considering all the alternatives, is it right for us to remain silent, so as not to hurt the person who has taken a wrong decision?

Family and close friends are those who care about us. If they maintain caution and do not point out our inaccuracy then how can one improve? It is interaction, feedback, discussion which allows a person to grow. When we talk and discuss we use the wisdom, and experience of the other person. Unless there is free flow, how can we gain from the other? Sugar coated pills camouflage bitterness-but the bitterness is actually there. Is it not better to freely and frankly discuss a matter threadbare, than to push it under the carpet and give a wrong impression?

Confusion toh hai utter!! What to do? What is the right approach, I have to really really clear my mind of this muddle.

It is not always possible to think and talk rationally. If a person is so in control of one's speech and action then that person is surely a saint. That person is not emotionally charged. Where a person is emotional then anger, outburst, frustration is sure to appear. Should a person become so detached as to always be unemotional, and rational? Will that behaviour not make me more of an unemotional and detached person? How does that look in the context of a family?

Always maintaining an artificiality in our behaviour to my mind is not good. If we only play act all the time, the frustration that we are hiding is sure to find an outlet somewhere, which may really be too big an explosion. Is it not better to clear little little differences of opinions and talk them over, even if that ends up in a fight? Should one always try to maintain harmony even at the cost of it tantamounting to deception. Is it better to smoothen out rough edges or better to steer clear and maintain a distance from your dearest ones?

Discretion

It is said that communication channels must never be closed. One must be honest, free and frank. One should be able to express one's thoughts, without inhibition. There must be transparency and honesty. All these values that one grew up with, seem to be outdated today.

In my day to day relationship with all the people who I meet and interact with, I have observed that I often shy away from saying my true thoughts. Often, I camouflage them, or avoid saying harsh truths. There is no need to tell a lie, but it is possible to avoid telling the truth too. This is not a new thing, even in Mahabharata one comes across the dilemma of Yudhishtir who uses the words, " Ashwatthama Hata, Narova kunjarova", to mislead the opposite warring faction.

Discretion is the better part of valour, they say.

Perhaps , in every relationship, one needs to maintain a certain amount of distance, discretion and diplomacy. I used to believe, that one needs to be very honest, in every relationship. I am now thinking that one needs to nurture every relationship, however close it may be. For nurturing it, perhaps, one can simply avoid being brutally honest.

One has to manage each relationship. No one can be taken for granted. Every person needs to be given their space. Each person has his or her own value system, with which we grow up. Each person's reaction to a given situation is bound to be different. There can be no hard and fast rules to what is right and what is wrong. Therefore, imposing my thoughts on others, is definitely not right. I have to be willing to accept differences of opinion, and respect the thoughts and decisions of others.

We are all here on planet earth, for a short while. It is therefore desirable to be happy and allow everyone else also to be happy.

Relationships demand a lot of adjustment, understanding, space, mutual respect, and above all diplomacy and discretion.

BLISS

Looking out of the window,I can see various shades of green. Lovely trees of different variety each having foliage of a different hue of green, then there is green of the grass, and also the golf green. I can see the beautiful blue of a very clear sky with floating white clouds. Life seems to have come to a standstill infront of this canvas outside my window.

I have forgotten all those potholes on the road, the miserable traffic jams, the endless wait at traffic signals. I dont think about all the woes of real life. I am in a state of total bliss, oblivious of all that keeps happening elsewhere.

Life can be so peaceful, if one wants it to be.

It is for a while I know, I have to get back to reality. But then I have earned this place, at least for now, where I can just sit back and enjoy the lovely colours of nature. Anurag's house is away from noise. Its a place where you dont see people coming and going. Its on a golf course, so the only passers by are people on golf carts, who come to play their game. Again, so leasurely, at a slow pace. They come, wait patiently for their turn, take a shot and hop back on their cart and off they go.

I have done my bit of facing life. That drudgery, those long working hours, that noise, pollution, dirty places. I have been through it all. Its behind me.

I am so glad that I have this opportunity to live peacefully and admire things.

The scene outside my window reminds me of Jane Austen novels and the young girls who went for walks, in the meadows. Those thoughts of tranquility, peace and beauty, come to my mind, and I feel transported to that world, devoid of traffic, carbon footprint and what have you!!!

I used to wish to have a place in Mussoorie where I could sit and watch the world go by, where I could spend my time reading and writing- it couldnt be Mussoorie, but this place is simply wonderful and enchanting. I am sure I will be able to read and write here.

This is sheer BLISS.

CARBON FOOTPRINT & OTHER THOUGHTS

The issue of one's carbon footprint and its impact on the ecology of the universe, as well as how adversely it affects our environment, does not seem to affect us at all. During my recent sojourn in London, I noticed that almost every day there was something or the other written about this issue in the news paper, here in Delhi this has not made even an appearance anywhere. In the London press one often came across letters to the editor written by people asking what they could do to reduce their carbon footprint. Even advertisements were often centred around carbon footprint and the impact of the product advertised, on the environment.

Our apathy for this rather important issue perhaps is because we are so engrossed in earning our daily bread that we do not have the time to bother about other issues, which do not affect us TODAY. Living from one day to another is itself a drudgery for our vast multitudes who have to worry about their next meal. Poverty is as rampant as is corruption.Where then is the time to think about how we are impacting our own world and helping it to move faster towards destruction. The green house effect that we help to create does not even cross our mind. Unless all of us become aware of our impact and try to reduce the burden on our environment, things are going to go out of hand fast.

When I was a child whenever we went to watch a movie there was always a Films Division documentary, touching on various aspects of development in the country, on issues of social relevance and similar topics which affected our lives. Those documentaries were very educative and informative. They were really interesting. Now, no such thing is ever seen on screen. All that we get to see now are advertisements, out and out commercial. The world today is governed by money. Nothing is more important than money. It seems to have become the be all and end all of everyone's existence. All that we want is money!!! The more we have the better it is. All those lofty ideals, those values, that maxim of simple living, high thinking-where has that era gone? Has it really vanished? Has it become extinct like the Dodo, the dinasaur?

On the 15th August, on our 61st Independence Day, I remember all those who lay down their lives for our freedom. They were people with such a lot of passion, conviction, determination. They were so devoted to the cause of freedom. Their desire was to see a free India. The amount they suffered, their struggle, their pain, misery, sacrifice. It is for us the beneficiaries of Independent India to take forward the dreams of those who died for this cause. Lets try to do our bit to make this place better. I have to leave it better than the condition in which I found it. That is my duty. I need to leave a footprint "on the sands of time", but not a carbon footprint.

A VERY HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

Enjoy life

It's amazing to watch the sun set at 9.15 pm. I am in the capital city of the empire where the sun never used to set. Those halycon days are over, so the sun does set, even though at a much later hour than what I am used to. In India the sun sets around 6.30 in the evening.

The evenings are so pleasant here, and the parks are full of people, some walking, some running and some out with their children. Yesterday there was an elderly couple at the park with their children. It was really nice to watch the parents enjoy themselves on the slides as well as the swings. Its seldom that older people let go of their inhibitions and get in the spirit of childhood.

I saw a show of Charlie & Lola at the Polka Theatre in Wimbledon today with my grand children. It was really an interesting experience. I, who used to be so serious, immersed all the time in my work, planning the strategies and the actions that were to be taken the next day, enjoying children's theatre!!! Working in a Bank and managing a branch is a tough job. I always was thinking of ways to get the people to work and also to be more involved and interested in their work. Meeting my budgets and making profit for the bank was my life's ambition. Today, my biggest challenges are to manage my grandkids and to make sure that there are no tears, or at least as few as is possible. Life seems to have suddenly taken a turn and I seem to be living life and enjoying my everyday.

It doesn't feel like drudgery. My next day doesnt seem like a challenge. I dont have to keep firefighting all the time!!!

Yes, life can be like that too.

Happy, carefree, simple and beautiful.

I saw Mamma Mia-another feel good movie. Made me feel really good to be at the age where I am. If I want, I can really live my life with happiness. Its all in my mind, how I live and make the most of everything. Nobody's life is perfect, yet one can either cry or laugh at the situation. We can either look at the spilt milk and mourn the loss or simply clean the mess and move on. Only a lesson can be learnt, so that the milk doesn't spill again.

Marriage and happiness

There is so much of pain, misery and sorrow in this world. However hard one may try to remain out of the orbit of these, it is not possible to escape this distress.

We are so bound by our beliefs, our perceptions, our dogmatic views and thoughts of right and wrong, that we are bound in chains all the time.

Take the case of marriages for instance. Marriages in India they say are for keeps. I wonder why it is so. Marriage is only a social contract between two people. They take a lot of vows, make a lot of promises and take on a lot of responsibilities to make the marriage work. However, for any reason if the adjustments that are needed to be made are inadequate, or there is lack of trust, or cruelty of any kind by any one person, then there is bound to be a lot of unhappiness in the lives of the married couple. Yet, one sees that there are so many unhappy marriages, where people remain married for the sake of the children or fear of society, or fear of the future. Whenever one feels stifled and unhappy in any binding then it is the right time to think of obtaining freedom. Freedom does open up a lot of vistas and gives us scope to think of other things which may be more conducive to provide happiness.

The pursuit of happiness, stability in life and peace of mind is essential for the growth of the human mind. If there is no unhappiness prevalent all the time, a person gets the time to pursue various other things needed for personal growth. Staying in an unhappy relationship and trying every moment of your life to make adjustments so as to buy peace for some time is rather a sad pursuit which only wastes time, as, in the end one just does not gain anything. All that time, energy and resource spent for mending broken fences becomes an exercise in futility.

It is time one took stock of the situation. There should be no reason to deceive oneself, and the world. It is time to take positive action, to assess the worthiness of a relationship and after taking stock of the situation, one should decide if remaining unhappy and keeping a face for the world is better or remaining honest with your ownself and the world is a better option .

If wishes were horses.......

Very impulsively in January this year I went to meet my childhood friend Amita. I met her after almost fifteen years. She couldnt get over the fact that I went all the way to Calcutta to only meet her, spending so much money. We relived our days of childhood and youth. Remembering this that and the other. Those two days will remain etched in my memory forever. I was so happy. Amita reminded me that while in college I used to say that all the wishes of a person should not be fulfilled just for the asking. I used to think that if all desires were fulfilled so easily then there would be nothing left to desire, which would make life so dull and boring. If there is nothing more to wish for - life would come to a standstill. No challenge would remain.

Surprisingly, I still believe in that philosophy. One should live well, but aspiration, hope, and dreams must remain.

Money should be enough to live a good happy life. It should not be so much that one would start looking for ways to spend it. It shouldnt be so much that one would want to find activities to spend that money on. There is so much want and poverty in this world, that every day is a struggle for so many.

I wish to have peace of mind. I wish to be satisfied with what I have. I wish to lead a meaningful life. I wish that I can make a difference to the lives of those who I come in contact with.

I wish to continue to enjoy a walk in the rain. See the lovely smiles of my dear grand children. When their faces light up on seeing me-thats my reward. If I can soothe a few ruffled feathers and make someones life more comfortable-I would be happy.

I wish to remain a seeker. I wish that my thirst for knowledge never ends.

I wish that I remain interested in all things happening around me.

I wish to always remain reasonable, rational and real.

I wish that I never have to resort to dishonesty - for anything.

I would love to listen to and sing beautiful songs.

I want to remain in good health, and not be a burden on anyone.

I have always been able to get whatever I desired.

I wish that all these desires of mine be fulfilled.

Inner wisdom

In the editorial page of Times of India today the 9th of July, there is a thought provoking article about God and Religion. God has always been a matter of interest for me. How this thought rules the lives of almost all the people inhabiting planet earth, is mind boggling.

All future deeds, actions, plans, atonement for past deeds, depend upon this one word-God!

We all want to depend upon an external strength of support. In times of sorrow, anguish, dilemma, fear or depression, I as most others would want a supporting pillar of strength, who would guide me out of the darkness and lead me to light. I feel most of us trust the one called "God" and seek his intervention. It is said that one has to only seek within oneself and the fountain of wisdom, strength, guidance will be available to us. Instead of taking credit for this solving of our own problems we simply relinquish the good done by our ownself and give away the honours to the one whom we call God.

Is it our modesty or low self esteem or ignorance about our ownself that makes us not acknowledge our wisdom?

My wisdom which comes with age, experience in my daily life, interaction with people, the changing seasons, the different aspects of nature, the beautiful earth which I inhabit. All these teach me a lesson every day. How I react to others, how they react to me, gives me feedback every day. All this information, experience, makes me what I am. All this helps me to deal with every issue in my own way. Each person therefore reacts to a situation in a different way. Its the result of each persons different experience on earth.

Learning

My little grand daughter who is only four years old performed on stage yesterday. She learns ballet and took part in four items performed on stage for which tickets were sold. It was such an exhilirating experience for me. As a student of life, I watched with amazement the innocence of childhood. The mind of a child is so free, everthing is done without any motive attached to anything. Her getting ready, changing outfits in quick succession, waiting in the queue to go on stage everything was done so precisely with the simple objective of going up on stage and performing. I could see that none of the children expected any rewards, they were just doing what they were expected to do. Between their acts all the children were running around and playing, without any tension. At the end of the performance each of the little performer got a little teddy bear as a memento. There was so much happiness on the little bright face of my grand daughter when she came back into the green room, that I find I do not have the right words to describe that expression. She had been in the theatre from eleven in the morning, she had two shows on that day, and she got free only around ten in the night.

All the world is indeed a stage and we are all playing our role in it. If we can write our own script and enact the role as per our own desire then there is nothing better than that. If we can play our role without attaching any motives and expecting rewards, life would be very fulfilling, because whatever we get, would then be a bonus. I wish I too can lead my life as simply as this philosophy sounds.

In my journey through life, I have seen different facets of different kind of people. Some people plan everthing in their life. A few have ulterior motives attached, some may want property, some may want to replace someone else, some may want to show their power. Some other people live totally confused lives. They are always seeking and dont know what they want. Come to think of it, I think this is the category to which I belong. I dont know what I want. All that I know is that I dont want to be just a passerby on this planet. I want to make my life meaningful.

We all pay for our past deeds in this very life itself. What we sow in our life we will reap ourselves. I know I have this one life to live, once I die I will simply finish, only to live in the memories of some people. Some will remember me happily, a few will remember me just like that.

I wish to learn from these different experiences. I wish and want to make my life better.

LEARNING

Throughout my life,I was governed by a lot of do's and dont's. It was always rules which were meant to be followed, never broken. Somehow, I never wanted to rebel against anything. Always did what I was told. If I felt something was different and not as per my wishes, I would simply think that perhaps that was another way of looking at things. If needed I would change my path and take the line of least resistance. Try and amalgamate myself with the situation. Why rock the boat was always my policy. If there was no way out, then I did try to accept and adjust to the situation.

Life did go on smoothly, maybe at a little discomfort to me. Nevertheless, I was happy. Not meloncholic nor delving in pity for myself. I never sought pity too, in fact I resisted it totally. All my life I have been happy and felt that I did a good job in whatever I did.

Its only now that I have begun to feel disillusionment in a lot of things. I often wonder if I was correct in the way I lived and the decisions that I took. I agree that it is the past that cannot be changed. Some will say that one should not think about the past-but I feel that unless one looks at the past and tries to analyse the deeds, there is no chance of correction.

Life is a continuous process of learning. There is no end to learning and improving oneself.

One only learns from ones own mistakes and experiences.A lot of people are rigid and think that it is difficult to change with the times and also to learn new things and to adapt to new innovations. Yes, it is a little difficult, but then, learning anything new is difficult. Older people only fear to take new steps and, appear naive in front of younger persons. If one remembers that no one is perfect and learning can be at varying paces it would become easier to learn.

One fact I know and believe in-our cells keep getting renewed all the time. A lot of our cells are dying and a lot of new ones are coming up. Ageing slows us down, but then accepting that slowness and still attempting to renew our knowledge will keep us up to date.

PAST AND PRESENT

Yesterday someone said , "Be happy in the present". It was a short message, but made my thoughts go rolling. We all tend to live in the past, we keep going back over and over again. Mostly talking about how good the earlier times were, the living conditions, the values of life, the prices, the music and even the weather.

All that one remembers is the good times we had.

We also wish for things that we could or should have done. I wish I had done that, or I wish I had not said that, or I wish the "guzra hua zamana" would come back. We seldom think or give value to the present, which is soon going to become the past. The same past which we will soon be lamenting. My all time favourite song in Hindi is "Aane wala pal jaane wala hai, ho sake to isme zindagi bita do, pal jo ye jaane wala hai." Its from an all time favourite movie too-Golmaal. The song very beautifully gives you the message of time- fleeting time. Time and tide wait for no man, its so true - it actually doesnt. We keep waiting for the right and opportune time to say something, do something. We just keep waiting - often "THAT"time never comes. Its perhaps correct to say that the Right time is NOW. What happens in the next moment, is not known to anyone.

Life needs to be lived and enjoyed, every moment of it. Each day brings us a new opportunity. A new reason to live, smile and go ahead and fulfil our dreams, and desires. Do that which one couldnt earlier. Go out in the world, get fresh air, breathe deeply - look at nature - its beautiful and it's free.

Even a dark gloomy day can become bright, if we look at it differently. A few days back, while looking out of the window, and seeing the dark clouds and gloomy grey colours of the sky outside my grand daughter Aaliya, who is four years old said, "Maybe the sun has come out, but is hiding behind the clouds." It was such a fresh way of looking at things. Even the darkest and gloomiest of days can turn around by our thoughts and new perspective.

Living and understanding today and now is important. Enjoy while one can.

Change is imperative, it happens all the time. In fact the only constant thing in our life is change!! It is for me to adapt to the changing times. Move on, with the times. Resurrect myself. Renew and understand the change. Instead of lamenting lost opportunities and lost times, making my today a moment worthy of being remembered tomorrow is how I would like to spend my today.

I share my thoughts, as sometimes simple thoughts do change a few perspectives.

I dont want to sound like a preacher, yet would like to say, go ahead and say what you wanted to say, do what you wanted to do. Live today, enjoy your present. Dont harp upon your past, nor keep waiting for the opportune time. The opportune time is NOW.

Remaining In Touch

Of late I have been receiving a lot of forwards in my mail. Somehow I feel that they seem quite pessimistic. They do not have a 'feel good feeling', which is quite alright, as the earlier forwards were usually too sugary and sweet and spoke of nothing but the goodness of everything. The earth, the moon and what have you.

Things seem to have gone around a full circle now, as it is the reversal of goodness. It seems as though we are either lamenting the past - how we were, or, thinking about the impending doomsday predicted, or some such other matter. Research is carried out on almost anything and everything that one can percieve of. These days it is not difficult to prove anything. All sorts of information, theory, statistics is available to prove whatever one wants to prove. If one wanted, I am quite sure it would not be difficult to prove that black was actually white and vice -versa.

The internet has opened a pandora's box and e - mails have actually made it much simpler for us to communicate with a whole lot of people at the same time by pressing a small key on the computer. It takes no effort, one does not have to exercise the brain, no thought process is involved, and yet, hey presto! off goes a whole lot of mail throughout the world propogating someone else's theory or thought. A friend, relative or acquaintance gets something in his or her mail box to know that they were remembered. I wonder if one really needs these reminders.

Speaking about myself, whenever I get a forward, I get the feeling of just being a name on a mailing list. I do not actually exist for the sender of the mail except as a statistic.

For me, a personal letter, even a simple one liner which is original and speaks of some thought having passed the sender of the mail is welcome. I went to boarding school at the age of five. I therefore communicated with my parents, my father mostly through regular weekly letters. (We had to write every week.) My father always wrote nice letters to me. He was infact a good writer. However, sometimes his letters were not hand written. He dictated the letters to his secretary, who would type it out and then dad would sign it after adding a few endearments. Yet, I always objected to these letters. I still remember, even as a small child, asking him to write the letters himself by hand. That seemed so much more personal. Dad always used to tell me that he himself had dictated the letter, so the same was personal, but that never convinced me, and my persistence with him continued.

Today, when I see the impersonal mail I receive, I wish that the art of writing personal letters should never die. Our time, thoughts and communication should remain with those whom we care for. Often it is not possible to remain in real 'touch' with our loved ones, as the world has become small. People have spread far and wide, and the only way to remain in touch is through mail. Let us therefore find real time once in a while to write heartfelt messages and get in 'touch' with each other.

SPRING

Spring-the most beautiful of all the seasons. The word is so apt. It just springs out at you. All the flowers,all the colours,all that is beautiful,simply springs out. Spring also makes one feel very vivacious,everything is so new.
So clean.
Winter is over,all the gloom,darkness,short days have gone.
Summer is yet to come. Too much sun,too much sun burn,a lot of thirst and long long never ending days.
Monsoons in India are good too. Only due to our road conditions and poor drainage system it adds to our woes. So often the roads get flooded,and it becomes difficult to drive or walk.
In India we really dont have an autumn. Whatever we have is so short. I did see autumn in Srinagar(J&K) long long ago. The chinars which resemble the maple trees were so very beautiful,with all the different shades of red and yellow.
Year before last I saw the fall colours in New Hampshire(USA). It was simply amazing-I could never in my wildest dreams have imagined such vibrant colours in the entire forest. So brilliant,so beautiful. A single tree filled with foliage in all the shades of red and yellow and its combinations. WOW!
Vasant in India is such a joyful season. It is celebrated all over, Vasant panchami,Holi-all the colourful and happy festivals. Its the beginning-the advent,of everything new. New is always beautiful,it speaks of hope,brightness,colour,and purity.
Let us all enjoy the goodness of nature. Live life to its fullest.
Make every day worthwhile. Every moment full of life, joy and happiness.

ATONEMENT

With age a lot of people move towards spiritualism. They are in pursuit of God and godliness. Instead of phasing our life in different age zones and dividing pursuit of different goals and objectives, would it not be better to live our life, one day at a time, with correct goals and objectives?

In youth a person runs after materialism throwing everything else to the winds, then as old age approaches he starts worrying and preparing for the "life after".This is because we grow up with the belief that there is rebirth. We do not realise that we have only this one life to live. The day we die, it is all over. Finished. Kaput. Therefore with wrong information which governs our entire life, we start pursuing God and start making the pilgrimage rounds. We now start trying to undo all our past sins. One basic flaw in our belief is that we think that for every wrong that we do or for any action which we ourselves think was wrong-there is atonement available. We can fast, or bribe the God with offerings or just bathe in the Holy river Ganga and all our sins(Paap's) are washed away. Strange are the ways and teachings of our philosophy. For every wrong done there is atonement and eventual salvation.

The best way to deal with complexities of life is to be in pursuit of truth, honesty, patience, care and concern. Instead of getting into the rat race if we strive to do our best in all that we do, without elbowing out our neighbour or creating difficulties for another, who we see as our competitor, we will realize that there is enough space for everyone under the sun. We can all be happy and survive without malice. Life would be much simpler, happier and free of tension for each one of us.


Sounds very simplistic-I agree, but then often simple maxims and idioms which are overlooked by us in our race, often have a lot of depth and substance in them.

Dignity

DIGNITY

In life one meets a lot of people – of different castes, creed, religion, and race. There is only one thing common about all these people. They are human beings; they are superior living beings in the animal kingdom, due to their thinking process, their intelligence and their capacity to use their intelligence. Though it is sad that they mostly use this intelligence to the detriment of other living beings.

In a country as poor as India where people do not manage to get two square meals a day, children go undernourished and impoverished, begging is the only way to fill the stomach for a lot of people.

There is so much want and there is so much plenty too. Those who have, have so much that they do not know the right avenues to spend. Is there no other way than a revolution to enable everyone to get a proper square meal, a decent shelter, and enough clothes to wear?

A number of organizations and industrial houses come forward in times of natural calamities to help and rehabilitate and reconstruct the villages and towns that have been devastated by the calamities. Does devastation of these magnitudes only make us wake up and think? Can we not spare a thought for that child begging on the street or that child working in your house or in the neighborhood shop? It is circumstances that are making him do these chores or beg. Today, a lot of people have taken to begging, as that is an easy source of income. Can we not try to make a difference to their lives? Give them the right attitude, teach them the dignity of labour, give them enough to keep their stomach full and then give them the correct values. When the stomach is full, the mind is free to think about other things, a person can think of education and studies. When the prime thought is of the next meal then nobody can understand good thoughts.

Every profit making organization has a social obligation to fulfill. Every organization should take up a few families as per their capacity, rehabilitate them, give them occupation, change their attitude and make them more human. It will not only change their lives for the better, it will also bring about improvement in the lives of those “haves” who have nothing better to do in life. These tasks must not be taken as ‘must do’ jobs, - because this is what the boss wanted, or it would sound good as a topic for the social circuit.

As individuals we all come across a number of persons whose lives can be enriched by our positive intervention. Each one can do something to improve the life of our domestic help or her/his children. We can help-how is for each one to decide.

Do we have to perform Pujas and go for pilgrimages? Treating our poor brethren as humans and giving them back the dignity of being a human being would be the salvation that each one of us is looking for. A culture must evolve amongst all of us to want to do something for society, humanity and human beings. In the process we shall not only be serving mankind and giving back to society something that we owe it, but will also be giving ourselves the inner peace and happiness that can only be experienced and not explained in words.

VARSHA

Here I am.
Yes, I have arrived.
I have to say a lot .