permanence or is it impermanence?

If the rainbow was out in the sky everyday would I still look at it with amazement?

If the peacocks tail was spread out all the time would I still stare at it with awe?

If the beautiful blue of the sky was unblemished 

would I long for at least a single cloud to break the monotony?

If life went on happily always, 

would I appreciate special moments of joy?

Beauty, enchantment, mystery,

Would they mean anything if they were permanent?

Can I ever appreciate a moment "NOW" without linking it to the past and worrying about the uncertainty of tomorrow?

Can I live in the moment?

Believing in everything being  impermanent? 

Life goes on, 

changing from moment to moment,

Just like the flow of a river, 

which looks so calm from above but keeps moving towards its destination,

So joyously, so fast, so beautifully,

It remains clean and pure because it keeps moving,

It keeps changing every moment and keeps cleansing itself,

Can my life 's stream go on fast, free, with a song on my lips, and music in my heart,

With clarity and splashes?

Beauty and no gashes?

SOME MORE QUESTIONS!

My life is a vast canvas,

I should be able to color it, paint it as I want to,

 Have colours of love, peace, freedom and beauty.

But in my life I have been  told to follow guidelines, 

I am given a set of rules and a few home truths. 

Mother says you are a girl, be careful,

Father says it is unsafe outside,

Come back home, before it is too dark,

Brother says stay away from my friends,

Sister says,watch out and stay away from flirty forties uncle,

Someone says beware of uncles who want to hold your hand and read your palm.

It is all about don't believe this and beware of that.

Be careful,

Be scared, beware.

Does anyone teach us to trust?

Does anyone give us assurance?

Does anyone say you are safe?

Does anyone say live with confidence?

Does anyone say,"Don't glance back, no one is following you,

Don't be afraid to be yourself, live your life."

It is my life, I live only once,

So why can't I live without fear?

Why do I need to be scared, wary and cautious?

Why can I not live the life of a free bird, who can soar the skies and come back home as confident, secure and happy as when I left in the morning?

Why does every dark alley, every stranger, every corner 

gives me the creeps?

Why is my world so insecure? 

CHHUK CHHUK GADI!

There was utter chaos at the New Delhi railway station the day I had gone to see off someone who was travelling by train to Lucknow. There were electronic boards all over the place displaying various messages like platform number and position of bogeys and the time of departure of train. The familiar clock which used to show the time was missing. I could only see digital displays. The announcements were still monotonous and flat. It still began with the sentence, "May I have your attention please?", which was followed  by the train number and the platform where the train was to arrive and then depart. The message was conveyed so mechanically and monotonously that one had to strain to hear and then understand what was being announced. One young boy clamoured up the platform steps and went to another platform after saying that they had announced that the train would arrive at platform number 13, instead of number 9 where we were all standing.  I wonder how they expected old people, or people with children and families  to run from one platform to another!

One sight that I missed were the coolies in their red shirts and brass tags across their sleeves. Earlier they were a familiar sight, running with the luggage and transporting people to their respective bogeys. There was a human touch and everyone trusted the coolies. Now they display the coach number and its position from the engine, but the train does not stop at its designated place. Our train arrived and went past the assigned place and everyone ran with their luggage and families to find their compartments and then berths.

The platform was filthy. There was a huge clean bin available to throw the litter in, but litter was strewn about everywhere. The rail tracks were full of garbage too.The charts of passengers were lying all over the place, adding to the untidiness of the platform. 

Can train journeys not be made more attractive, comfortable, clean? Trains have always been fascinating. Those lovely carriages and the majestic engine taking us past meadows and forests and farms and plains, across rivers with their massive bridges, are always beautiful. If only people helped to maintain the place clean, train journeys could once again become an attractive mode of transport across the country.

I used to love travelling by train. I loved those chai wallahs calling out "Chai, chai, ....chai chai, chai bolo,chai chai"! Those earthenware disposable mugs which would impart its own flavour to the tea were clean and healthy. The stations would go past, the large stations in North India always had a book stall of A. H. Wheeler  and in South India it was always Higginbothams. My favourite reading material on the train journey was always the Bradshaw( railway time table). I loved to watch the hawkers in Bhopal selling fancy zari batuas(pouches with embroidery), I always looked out for the Mathura ke pedhe, Agre ka Petha, Nagpur ka Santra(orange), Allahabad ke amrud( guava). I never missed eating the Mutton Cutlet of Mughal Serai Junction, and loved to look at the fascinating Dining Hall at Kanpur Railway station. The doors with netting on them closed at an angle. 

As one crossed the Ganga at Allahabad one could see the Naini Fort which was made by Akbar, and as you crossed the Jamuna at Agra one could see the Taj Mahal built by Shah Jehan. Train journeys were fascinating where one could while away the time watching India go past. It was usually a lesson in both History and Geography. 

I loved watching the farmers with their plough and bullocks, the women going in a straight line with pitchers on their head to fetch water, lots of cows going homewards at dusk, and dhobis drying clothes on the banks of the river. These were  all beautiful, colourful, and vibrant colours of India. One could hear different dialects, see different ways of draping the saree,  and taste  different cuisines as one went across the length and breadth of the country.

All those are now distant memories. I somehow do not feel like travelling by train now. One of these days I may just gather some courage and travel by train to see the world go by at a leisurely pace. I would love to see the different phases of the day, the culture of the place and how the scenery changes as we go at a steady pace with the rhythmic comforting sounds that a train emits as it chugs along.

QUESTIONS!

How do I look for hope in a dark and dingy world?

Where do I look for light when I am inside a deep dark tunnel?

I dread going to the desert, as I fear a dust storm,

I dread going to the sea, as I dread the strong waves,

I dread climbing mountains, as I am scared of falling off,

I dread living as death is where I will end.

What can I do with my fears?

How do I handle my life?

Which mistakes must I rectify?

Which milestone that I crossed,was the one that I should have turned back from?

What do I seek?

Where do I go?

What is my mistake?

How have I become responsible for everything?

The bad, the worse and the worst?

What went wrong that I never did anything right?

Who are these people who surround me all the time? 

Can I be left alone to decipher who am I?