2015!

My wish for  happiness is for everyone,
Everyone I know wishes the same,
Through messages, phone calls and e mail.

If only these  wishes of every one, 
Came true and  we learnt,
That what we distribute comes back to us,
Amplified, intensified, and magnified,
Happiness would  just grow and spread.

So let us all be Happy and pass it on,
As yet another  year comes rollicking on,
Rekindling hope for a better life,
A year filled with happiness, good cheer and  no strife. 

MY POWER, MY LIFE

What is this inner voice, antar atma, khudi?

Is it ME? 

Am I the most powerful? 

My inner voice, my antar atma my khud?

Atm and atma,  khud and  khuda?

Param atma is my inner self  which is supreme,

Have I just conveniently named it God?

I have the reservoir of power,

I only allow that power to lie dormant, supine, resting.

I now know, every prayer is to my own self,

My meditation is to awaken my supine power,

Its that time when I am alone, focussed,

With my atm and my atma,  my param atma, my power.

I have the power to achieve what I want,

I have the power to succeed.

It is me, and I alone,

Who is responsible to reach my goal.

My world is mine and I from within decide,
To live in harmony, with adjustment and acceptance,
As I cannot be an island all by myself.

A brighter tomorrow, a better scenario, 
A lovely sunset leading to a beautiful sunrise,

A smile, some laughter, some comfort,  some compassion, 
That sums up all that I really want.

I trust my inner self and just leave it at that,

I decide, trust and I believe....

I  allow  my "destiny" to be written by the power within me,

My power, my will, my inner self,
That alone will now determine my joys and my sorrows,

WOULD YOU BRAND ME?

In this age of brands I wonder in which category I would get branded. I will let you decide at the end of what I write.

These days I have been reading a lot of "words" on how a girl child should be treated. Words on how women should be respected. Words that women should not be objectified. I have also read words saying that girls should not dress provocatively. They should not go out alone in lonely and desolate places.

These are words. Words preach, they are thoughts which are expressed.

What happens in reality? In real life? What are the deeds and thoughts of people who use these words?

Please readers do not take MY words personally. I am writing about  people in general  and not about individuals. 

Women are part of "team human". The bodies of men and women are different, their thoughts, behaviour, instincts and inclinations are different. The mental differences are because of age old patterns of evolution, civilisation and restrictions set by different societies.

In the male dominated society of today's world,  women are trying to find their own place, their own identity, their own freedom and equality because equal education has made it possible for women to evolve. Why is it then that women are still not treated as human beings who need to be treated with respect?

I belong to an older generation of working women who had to literally fight for equality at the work place. We had to fight to not be patronised. There were a few who treated us equally but more who were wary of us, and we had to literally prove the point that we were capable and could manage on our own in this so called big bad world. 

Today's working women have a better and more understanding work place and home environment too. More is only a relative term...it is "more" it is not absolute.

When we read of increasing number of rape cases, MMS pictures, and the like we immediately start pontificating about the deteriorating standards and lack of respect for women. The fact is that more girls and their families are taking the bold step of not hiding this fact and are reporting these incidents. It is no longer treated as the fault of the girl. It is being treated correctly as a crime committed by someone else and not the girl. So what was so far hidden behind closed doors has started coming out in the open,   and has become visible.

This indicates a  courageous society and talks of evolving parents and girls. What the Rohtak sisters have done is a step forward in a state where Khap panchayat exists and the patriarchal society is very dominant. I am not judging the actions of those two sisters, but am saying that they have been courageous, bold and are taking action against a very unjust society. They are making their presence felt and not shying away from using actions and words which the so called polite society would not want girls to utter.

Most people  criticise the actions of boys who indulge in eve teasing. What exactly is eve teasing? Is it only about physically ill treating a female on the roadside? What about all those sexist jokes, those cheap jokes, and talks about the different parts of body of women? 

What about voyeurism? Looking at the pictures of girls young enough to be their daughters? If any person has respect for women in general would he like to look at those pictures, talk about anatomy, pass  remarks and derive brownie points amongst his friends? I look at these discussions on social net working sites and wonder about those who indulge in this kind of talk. Fine, you wish to talk about it, but then how and why can you really think that the younger generation should respect girls and women?

I am totally against discrimination of any sort. I do not appreciate jokes made on any community based on their looks or habits. I do not appreciate cheap remarks passed on any person. I only wish that every human being would appreciate and respect every other human being. Having fun, joking does not have to be at the cost of another person. I believe in that. 

Having a superiority complex because you are a man or woman, belong to a particular caste or class, are fair and good looking, is to my mind a complex. 

A Complex according to the  Dictionary is, " In psychology- a group of related, often repressed ideas and impulses that compel characteristics or habitual patterns of thought, feelings and behaviour. An exaggerated or obsessive concern or fear. The combination of factors or signs of a disease or disorder that forms a syndrome. 

The Webster  Dictionary says, "It is a group of repressed desires and memories that exerts a dominating influence upon the personality. It is an exaggerated reaction to or preoccupation with a subject or situation."

Getting voyeuristic pleasure is a malady.  

Talking and joking about the body parts of another gender- just think about it...what would you call it?

My purpose would be served if I have given my readers enough food for thought.

Now it is up to you to brand me as you wish to. 

I promise, I will not be offended.

indifference

I store fragrant memories of times gone by,

 In an inner recess of the deepest niche of my mind,

Once in a while in a moment of self indulgence,

 I open that niche just a tiny bit, 

Like the thinnest sliver of the beautiful moon, 

And then the magic of that fragrant thought,

 Like the musk of a deer,

Fills my being with momentary happiness, 

Those are vulnerable moments when I am true to myself, 

 I open my emotional side where I am insecure, 

So I quickly slip back into the dull and faceless mask of indifference,

And hide myself in an armour and distance myself

From all those who love me and whom I love

Dates.

Dates are but simply a Calendar event,

They tell us about the passage of time,

They ease our understanding of the days that just went,

 Dates are events that remind us of happiness, 

Sometimes of sorrow or celebrations,

They are special for they speak of the anniversary of our birth,

They are sad because they also remind us of those who have left this earth.

Dates make us look back in remembrance of lovely, happy fun filled days,

Of surprises and parties and balloons that swayed,

Dates are a reminder that time passes by,

Dates carry on progressing from one year to another,

Half a century, a century and so on and so on.

Dates become History, people become memories,

We remain waiting for the date to come back again and again,

It is a timeless wonder, a magical figure,

Do dates really matter as time slips away?

EPHEMERAL NATURE OF LIFE

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  AT LONDON BRIDGE TUBE STATION

  
  
  On Monday my daughter Chaitali who is a Senior Manager with the Greater London Authority told me that she was volunteering to sell poppies at the London Bridge tube station for one hour to raise funds for the Royal British Legion. I went to meet her there and buy a Poppy. She  was holding a sealed bucket for the collection which the volunteers are not allowed to shake, nor ask anyone to donate, and the other volunteer held a tray full of Poppies and wrist bands. A volunteer just stands and those who wish to, come and donate money and take either a Poppy for their lapel or a band for their wrist. Almost everyone in public places wears the Poppy flower. It speaks volumes for the involvement of the general public in remembering their soldiers. I became curious and wanted to know more about this event.
  
  
  
  

  

  FLANDERS FIELD GRAVES

  I went back in History, exactly one hundred years back in time.  What I had learnt in College about the First World War was then just a History lesson, but what I read now became a story of power, people, tragedy, sorrow and loss of lives. 
  2014 is the  centenary of the beginning of the First World War. The War began on the 28th of July 1914 and ended on the 11th of November 1918. All the great economic powers of the World got involved in this War.  There were two major groupings, the Allies to begin with were UK, France and the Russian Empire, and on the other side were the Central powers of Germany and Austria- Hungary. As more nations entered the War the Allies were joined by Italy, Japan and the USA. The Central Powers were joined by the Ottoman empire and Bulgaria.The immediate trigger for war was the 28th June 1914 assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria, heir to the throne of Austria- Hungary by a Yugoslavian, Gavrilo Princip in Sarajevo. 
  
  

  

  INFANTRY

  At the time of the War, India was a part of the British Empire and  the British expected that the Indians would take this opportunity to revolt, but on the contrary the Indians supported the British and offered loyalty and goodwill to their rulers. The Indian National Congress and other political groups seeking India's freedom, supported the British War effort as they expected that their cause for "Home Rule" would be granted by the British as a reward for their loyalty. Surprisingly the Indian Army outnumbered the British Army at the beginning of the war. Indian solders were sent to Europe, and the Middle East. My own maternal grandfather, G. T. Meshram had gone to Mesopotamia and Asia Minor in the Middle East in 1914. We still possess a photograph of his in full uniform.
  
  

  

  FLANDERS 1914

  More than 70 million military personnel including 60 million Europeans, were mobilised and more than 9 million combatants and 7 million civilians died as a result of this  war. About 1.3 million Indian soldiers and labourers served in Europe, Africa, and the Middle East. The Central government of India and the Princely States sent large supplies of food, money, and ammunition. Casualties of Indian soldiers totalled 47,746 killed and 65,126 wounded during World War I.The suffering as well as the failure of the British government to grant self-government to India after the end of the War, disillusioned the Indian leaders and the movement for Independence took a stronger turn.

  

  ARMISTICE DAY AT TRAFALGAR SQUARE

  
  
  On 11th November 1918,  Germany signed an Armistice with the Allies and the War ended at 1100 hours on the 11th day of November 1918. The Versailles Treaty was signed in 1919, which was when many of the troops serving abroad finally returned to their home countries. The Paris Peace Conference in 1919 was the meeting of the Allied Victors, involving Diplomats from more than 32 countries, to set the peace terms for the defeated Central Powers following the armistice of 1918. The major decisions led to the creation of the League of Nations  on 28.06.1919 and five peace treaties with defeated enemies, including the Treaty of Versailles with Germany, the awarding of German and Ottoman overseas possessions as mandates  to Britain and France, reparations imposed on Germany, and the drawing of new national boundaries  were signed. 
  The Big Four powers in this War were the The President of USA Woodrow Wilson, the Prime Minister of Great Britain, Lloyd George, the Prime Minister of France, Georges Clemenceau, and the Prime Minister of Italy, Vittorio Emanuele Orlando. They met together informally 145 times and made all the major decisions, which in turn were ratified by the others.
  The battle front line ran from the Belgium Coast across West and East Flanders into the North of France. This battle front was called "The Western Front". On 3 May 1915, during the Second battle of Ypres, Lieutenant Alexis Helmer was killed on the Western Front. At his graveside, his friend John McCrae  M.D., of  Ontario, Canada, wrote a memorable poem "In Flanders Field" as a salute to those who perished in the Great War. This poem was published in Punch on 8 December 1915, and is  recited  on Remembrance Day every year. 
  In recent years Armistice Day has become increasingly recognised, and many people now attend the 11am ceremony at the Cenotaph in London - an event organised by The Western Front Association, a British charity dedicated to perpetuating the memory of those who served in the First World War. Armistice day  is commemorated every year on 11 November to mark the armistice signed between the Allies and Germany at Compiegne France, for the cessation of hostilities on the Western Front.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  After the  First World War ended, The Royal British Legion created the "Poppy Appeal" to help those returning from the First World War, but now it covers all the people who have served in any War.  The Poppy is considered a powerful symbol and  is worn to commemorate the sacrifices of the Armed Forces and to show support to those still serving today and their loved ones.  They say when you donate to the "Poppy Appeal" you help:
  (1) bereaved families to Live On
  (2) wounded Service men and women to Live On
  (3) younger veterans seeking employment and housing to Live On
  (4) older veterans needing age-related care to Live On

  

  POPPIES AT TOWER OF LONDON

  
  
   It is now a tradition to wear a Poppy flower on your lapel in November to honor and remember the people who died in the Wars.  Every presenter on TV sports the flower. Every where that I have travelled in London, I have seen people selling the Poppy and donating for this Charity. Almost everyone in public places and public life wears the Poppy flower. It speaks volumes for the involvement of the general public in remembering their soldiers. 

  

  CERAMIC POPPIES

  This year being the Centenary year of World War One,    888,246 Poppy flowers made of ceramic have been planted around the Tower of London to represent every British soldier who lost his life in the First World War. This display has been called "Blood Swept Land and Seas of Red". The memorial is very beautiful, stunning, touching and moving and speaks of the transient nature of life and the frailty of lives lost in the War.  Although the place is thronging with visitors wanting to see the beautiful sight,  the Poppies will be removed on the 12th day of November 2014 and each flower will be sold to those who wish to keep them, at a price of 25 Pounds each, which will raise 11.2 million pounds for six service charities.

  

  EVERY ONE SPORTS A POPPY

  Every year the Remembrance Day Ceremony is held at The City Hall London and every time that I have attended the ceremony I have been very impressed with the solemnity of the ceremony. There is a small service by the Religious Leaders of all major faiths, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Moslem, Jew, after which the Mayor reads out the poem "In Flanders Field", then   psalms are sung and then the Last Post is sounded. This ceremony is very touching, dignified, and graceful. Present in the City Hall are veterans of various Wars who are quite old. I also saw a group of soldiers who had returned from Afghanistan. When I say Soldiers, I speak of all ranks belonging to the Forces.
  The way the whole nation displays their appreciation for the Armed Forces, remembering the fallen soldiers, taking care of their families and also taking care of those soldiers who need help, is really very commendable. The respect, reverence and gratitude which one can see is worth emulating.
  
  
  I quote below "In Flanders Field"
  
  
  In Flanders fields the poppies blow,
  
Between the crosses, row on row,

  That mark our place; and in the sky,
  
The larks, still bravely singing, fly

  Scarce heard amid the guns below.


  We are the Dead. Short days ago

  We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
  
Loved and were loved, and now we lie

  In Flanders fields.


  Take up our quarrel with the foe:

  To you from failing hands we throw

  The torch; be yours to hold it high.

  If ye break faith with us who die

  We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

  In Flanders fields.
  
  

4th Of November

Another year goes by and the 4th of November arrives.

Time has not and will not stop till I die,

We all come one day and one day depart forever,

We leave our mark etched in some minds forever.

There are words, that loud laughter, that sense of humor,

That finger clutching mine never letting me wander,

Taking me forward, goading me on,

Always showing me right from wrong,

I remember your voice on the tele -phone,

It was always "Uke here" never a hello,

You always said respond properly, identify who you are,

Let there be no suspense, and no awe,

Talk clearly, slow and complete,

Let there never be any ambiguity,

Don't get impatient,

Everyone is differently abled,

Let there be compassion, patience, in your demeanor,

Forgive people, teach them,

Be caring, have karuna,

Be generous, share as you have the power to give,

Are some teachings, that are etched forever in me, 

Remembering the way you called me "Varshaaaa"

Father dear father,

Still brings peace, security and serenity to me,

These words that I write so well today,

Are your gift to me in your fare well.

Miss you a lot Daddy, but try to be peaceful and calm,

Even 4th of November, I try to face with élan. 

VINTAGE CARS ON A WINTER MORNING

Cold morning.

It was a dull, wet, cloudy and cold November morning when I ventured out doors for my walk. I covered myself up well with my new raincoat and kept my phone in my pocket.

A wicker basket on the side

When I reached the High Street, I was delighted and surprised to see a fleet of cars go past at a slow pace. They were not only slow, they were noisy and quaint too. 

A car more like a buggy

They were vintage cars and were out on a rally from London to Brighton. 

A spare wheel on the bonnet

The people in the cars were dressed in their vintage best. There were interesting old wicker baskets tied at the rear of some cars, while some had old leather suit cases kept near the feet.

Cadillacs

There were wicker baskets attached on the sides of some cars to hold the umbrellas. Most of the cars did not have any hood or covering. 

No steering wheel. Car shaped like a horse drawn carriage

Some of them were shaped like horse drawn carriages. The brands were distinct and different. There was a taxi too. 

A taxi maybe of the 1940's

Some did not have a steering wheel. There was a rod on top of which was a handle which would steer the car.  

Brass lamps and wicker basket for umbrellas on the side

There were two highly polished brass lamps in the front and two highly polished brass lamps at the rear of the vehicle.

A penny farthing bicycle

I even spotted a penny farthing bicycle.

Brass & Polish

I do believe that one gets rewarded with memorable experiences when one least expects them. These  add delight to ones life. I was well rewarded for my brave expedition out in the rain. The moral of the story is always keep a charged phone or camera handy, you never know when a delightful story is waiting just around the corner.

No steering wheel

More like a phaeton than a car

EVERYONE IS A TEACHER.

I have been to so many Schools that I need to actually count them. I started with St. Joseph's Convent in Cuttack, moved to St. Anne's High School in Secunderabad. Then went to Bishop Westcott's in Namkum near Ranchi, then joined Army Public School in Ramgarh, and finally went to Mount Carmel Convent in Hazaribagh. It has been from East to South and East again. I met many teachers, and learnt a lot of different things from everyone.

I EVEN MET CEASER IN ROME

Besides School teachers there were many other teachers I learnt from as time went by. 

Kabirdas has been one of my teachers. Please read what he has said about the importance of teachers almost  six hundred years ago

गुरु गोबिन्द दोउ खडे काके लागूँ पाँय बलिहारी गुरु आपने गोबिन्द दियो बताय

Guru gobind dou khade, kaake lagoon paay Balihari guru aapne gobind diyo batay

Guru and God both are here to whom should I first bow All glory be unto the guru path to God who did bestow

Kabir lived from (1440 – 1518 CE) near Varanasi and was a weaver. Using today's language I can say his poetry was very "user friendly". It was very meaningful and taught simple homilies. 

I am also a fan of Amir Khusrow (1253–1325 CE). He was born in Patiyali near Etah and died in Delhi. He was a disciple of Nizamuddin Auliya, and wrote poetry in Persian and also in Khadi Boli which was the colloquial language. He composed a lot of pahelis too. I quote one:-

Raajaa pyaasaa kyon? gadahaa udaasaa kyon? Answer: lotaa na thaa. Why was the King thirsty? Why was the donkey sad? Because of the absence of lotaa  Lotaa means (1) a vessel to drink water from.                           (2) roll in the mud. Amongst English poets I like Shelley, Wordsworth and Tennyson. "We are Seven" by Wordsworth and "The Lady of Shallot" by Tennyson had left visual images of the place in my mind and I still recall both these poems without an effort. Ozymandius by Shelley makes me realize that time takes its toll. These poems have thoughts which help in formulating a philosophy of life, is that why I recall them effortlessly? CHILDREN READING

Teachers are not only those who teach us in School, college or University. One can even learn from chance readings, poetry written at odd places like behind the trucks and auto rickshaws in India, and even from epitaphs.  One interesting reading from a truck is,

“अमीरों की ज़िन्दगी, बिस्कुट और केक पर,

ड्राईवर की ज़िन्दगी, क्लच और ब्रेक पर.”   All the people whom we meet in our life can become a teacher if we are willing to learn. One needs to keep an open mind and acknowledge that life is an entire process of learning, improving and making ourselves better. As we grow up we normally start believing that we know everything and there is no one who can teach us anything more. It is a very big myth which stunts our growth. The world is so big and the mysteries of life are so many that no one can actually learn everything. LEARNING FROM GOSSIP Just watching, observing and imbibing things and conversations as they happen can be a major learning experience. This reminds me of the poem, "On his Blindness" where Milton says, "They also serve who stand and stare". I say just watch and learn, do not remain untouched by what you see. One can make every moment a learning moment, and every person a teacher. Wouldn't life become better for everyone if only we tried to learn and become better?

A BIRTHDAY IS A SPECIAL DAY.

The year was 1999. I was posted in the Vasant Vihar  branch of the State Bank of India as Chief Manager. We were looking for a suitable match for my son who was off and on out of the country. I met Rita Madan who walked into my Office one day and asked if I had some  time to spare. She and her husband were valuable account holders of my Branch and so I found time for her. We became acquaintances.

Later they visited my house where Rita came wearing a saree which was identical to one of my own favorite saree. I was a bit surprised to see the similarity of our taste. Over the  years of knowing Rita, we discovered that both of us owned at least two more identical sarees.

We soon became friends. On a short visit to India, Anurag agreed to meet a few girls. Chaitali my daughter and Raja my son in law who live in London, decided to fly down and spend a week with the family. Rita met my daughter and liked her so much that it was decided that Jharna would become my daughter in law.

The roka ceremony was arranged without losing much time as my children were in Delhi just for a week. This is a ceremony amongst Punjabis where some rituals are carried out formally to announce the   betrothal of a boy and girl. The function was arranged at super speed, and yet it was a fascinating and fabulous function arranged with a lot of grace, élan  and sophistication. 

The wedding was after about five months. 

Rita and I got along very well and became more friends than relatives. Rita would never call me Varsha, it was always Varshaji, so I had to per force call her Ritaji. She was the life of every get together. She was a picture of perfect poise, sophistication and grace. She was always very well dressed with matching jewelry. She introduced me to her family jeweler and also a Kashmiri shawl person who was an exporter. Both these people held her in high esteem as she was a discerning shopper. 

One would never have realized how deeply rooted in tradition she was until one had the chance to see her following traditions meticulously. Every Lohri, Holi, Karwa Chauth and Diwali there was a visit made by her to my house, with a basket full of traditional goodies. She refused to hear my pleas that this ritual was not needed. She would never allow me to protest and would always silence me. I also learnt to take this in my stride and accepted that this feature of Rita would not stop, come what may. She loved to follow these rituals.

In spite of these formalities I did become her friend, confidant and advisor. 

In 2005 December, we came to know that Rita had cancer. She went through the treatment, got chemo and recovered. After that her life became very regulated and her food, liquid intake, life style became totally controlled and regulated. She and her devoted husband started taking Yoga lessons too.

When Aaria our grand daughter was born, all of us were together at Nashua. We would cook together and clean up together. It was a good time that we shared together. We all went out for a walk in the evening, where each one of us walked  at our own pace. 

We  were together again when Aaria's first birthday was celebrated. Jharna had organized a professional photo session of the entire family, followed by a great party. Rita had brought beautiful dresses for Jharna, Chaitali and Aaliya, Chaitali's daughter. Rita also brought identical sarees for her and me to wear on this occasion.

Time passed by and everything seemed under control until once again cancer struck  just before Diwali of 2012. Treatment started, it was a journey back and forth to the hospital for tests, scans, more tests, chemo and radiation. Doctors in USA were also consulted and the best treatment was being given. It was a very trying time borne very patiently by Rita and her family.

Her two devoted daughters Sujata and Jharna living in Canada and USA respectively, took time off and tried to be with Rita as much as possible. They took turns and were in India looking after their precious mother and being a support for their father.

The entire year of 2013 went past in a frenzy of journeys back and forth over the continents. Both the girls tried their best and looked after their parents. It speaks very well about the person that Rita was, who brought up her daughters so well that they both turned out to be very devoted, patient, caring persons.

Cancer is a terrible disease. The entire family of a person with cancer gets affected and scarred. It is extremely painful and sad to see the deterioration that sets in, where in spite of the most modern medical treatment, best possible care, and advancement of science, nothing improves. 

Rita left us on the 2nd of March this year after putting up a very very brave fight. 

The persona that she was lives on in our memory. She was a very social person and lived a very active life. She loved to attend the India Today Conclave every year and was always sure to ask a question of one of the prominent speakers. I remember she had asked Shahrukh Khan if he actually used the products that he endorsed.  She was associated with the charity organization of India Today and was a Voluntary Librarian at the Tihar Jail which she visited twice a week. She was a prominent Office Bearer of the Anand Niketan Club and was also the Treasurer of the Anand Niketan Residents Welfare Association. She was a very popular person and today I see the same qualities in her younger daughter Jharna, who is my daughter in law. 
My brother Sunil Uke ran for Rita in two Marathons supporting cancer research and my daughter Chaitali cycled for a 100 miles in one night raising funds in support of Cancer research in London, in memory of Rita.

Rita is missed tremendously. The void left by her will never be filled. Yet life has to be carried on by those who are left behind. I can only tell Sujata and Jharna, "Please be happy that Rita was your mother. She taught you well, guided you well, was your true friend, philosopher and guide. She has left you both with all the qualities that she had. She has also taught you to face life with fortitude and courage.

Today on your birthday Jharna, do not lament for her. Be proud of being the daughter of a very beautiful, sophisticated, cultured, socially aware and truly grounded woman. Rejoice that she taught you all that you know today. She was your external strength always and is now within you as your anchor, guide and internal strength. Parents leave this world but their memories and teachings live with us forever.

Have a very happy Birthday Jharna. For a mother, the birthdays of her children are the most important days of her life. Your mother always loved this day…remember?"