THE NEED FOR A GOD.

As we turned the corner on our way towards India Gate,  Aaria who had been intently looking out of the car window, suddenly said, "Look Dadi, I can see Nani. Nani is following me."

In moments such as these I get totally flustered and so, to avoid saying something confusing I tried to change the topic. It is quite easy to divert the attention of an almost six year old. She quickly started playing one of the many car games that we play on our little journeys. Although she was playing with me, her eyes would keep wandering off looking towards the sky and she was quite content to see her Nani following her in the form of a star. When we turned onto one of the many flyovers of Delhi, she said, "Dadi, look, there is another bright star next to Nani, why is that star following me?"

I had tears in my eyes, as I didn't know what to say. She, who recently lost her dear Nani to the horrendous cancer, had been told that her Nani had become a star and would always watch over Aaria. It broke my heart to see the hope, the happiness of an innocent child who believes in  the magical words of her mother who herself did not know how to deal with the questions of a little child longing to see her Nani.

Really death! You leave all of us so helpless!

Although Rita had been diagnosed as suffering from Cancer, her devoted husband left no stone unturned to ensure that she got the best treatment available. Her beautiful and extremely dutiful daughters who both live abroad, were also consulting a well known oncologist in Boston. All reports, scans, medication, progress was always shared with the American Doctor and advice was obtained from her.

Both the daughters were in India for the last 16 months as though they were traveling between two cities of  India. Sujata was traveling up and down from Montreal almost after every fifteen days. Jharna and her little daughter missed work and school and looked after Rita. Those sixteen months were very tough. Every day was spent with more anxiety, more hope, more fear. Each one was full of questions which were often left unasked. What do you ask and what does anyone know? Every day was taken one at a time.

My constant advice was to rejoice in the fact that your mother is there with you today. Please be happy that she is there. Please do not look at the future and cry for that time when she may not be there. Life is very uncertain and no one knows what might happen tomorrow. My hollow advice was always accepted. It is very difficult to live your life in today when you see life deteriorating right in your face. It is very difficult to block out the thought of tomorrow. 

Even though death has now actually happened, the acceptance that the wonderful, beautiful, graceful, generous Rita will never laugh that pretty laugh and will not insist upon your having just one bite before you leave, is a far, far cry.

Those who have loved and lost a dear one will understand what I say, but what do I tell my little grand daughter, who waits for the evening so that she can see her Nani close to her watching over her. I don't know why but her belief and reassurance makes me feel extremely sad. 

I look at Sujata and Jharna trying very hard to pick up the pieces of life. They are being very strong and putting up a very brave front. Yes life goes on, but they are right now holding each other together. 

Happy are those who believe in destiny and the will of God. Happy are those who believe that God takes away those whom he loves most. They can seek solace and give up themselves to the will of God. Perhaps that is the reason why religion and an all empowered omnipresent God was created.

OLD LAMPS FOR NEW?

Nicolas-Joseph Cugnot (26 February 1725 – 2 October 1804) was a French inventor. He is known to have built the first working self-propelled mechanical vehicle—arguably the world's first automobile. Car designed in 1770.

Seasons come and go, day turns to night and soon another day dawns upon us.

We all grow old every day of our life. "Old" sounds like a very uncouth word, I wonder if old can sound good in some situations.

Old as in vintage, old as in olden times, old as in olden memories. Memories are usually always very sweet, the reason is because we obliterate those memories which were painful. We do not think of them, do not re live those sad and horrifying memories. We discard them and stow them away in some dark corner of our mind. Therefore people of my time say, "I remember those  days when Milk was Rs. 2 a Kg, and we could see a movie sitting in the balcony, at Rs. 3 a ticket!" One is recounting all those figures nostalgically and wistfully. Never once do we mention that then our salary was hardly Rs. 1000/- per month! Out of this went  rent, petrol, electricity, water,   provisions, salary for maid, dining out and the occasional movie. So much so that towards the end of the month one had to sell radii to the kabadi walla to sustain for a few days more!

I am sure everyone of my time will remember that we usually had no savings. We were hand to mouth, lived with our heads held high and a twinkle in our eyes. There was hope, dreams and consumerism was not very high on our agenda. So much so that when I started working for the State Bank of India there was no such thing as a loan for consumption. It was only for productivity. There were no Consumer Loans even for employees. One therefore had to save to be able to buy a fridge or TV.  Air conditioners were owned by very few people. Cars were quite rare. TV was even rarer. In all these years life style has changed so much and consumerism is supreme today. Salaries are sky rocketing and therefore costs also are high. 

Another "old time" great that we talk of is music. "When melody was King" that's what we say. Most of us want to keep our mind closed. We do not try to appreciate the good music and songs produced even now. We only focus on the crass music of today and condemn  it. Listening to music with an open mind will introduce us to melodious music of today also. Films too have evolved and many more films are being made of which many are note worthy. 

Living in the past needs to be left in the past. We need to move on and appreciate the times in which we  live.

Today our youth think free and live with the desire to decide independently. Girls have more opportunities and freedom. Children dream very big. Children move away from their towns and cities. They re locate to places where they have more opportunity to grow. The world has become a much smaller place. Distances have not reduced but movement has become faster and everyone travels. Telephones and internet connections are extremely common. Thank Sukhram and A Raja for it. There was a time when few people had telephones in their houses. Mobiles were not even heard of. Today even a vegetable vendor and the household maid has a mobile phone. Gone are the days when one had to book a trunk call and wait for the call to fructify. Do the youth of today know that there was something called a PP Call, an Urgent Call or a Lightening call?

Those were the days when there was no Google. Knowledge was therefore restricted to what one learnt.  Today we are all so aware of everything, thanks to so much information on the net. Today pictorial learning is common. Many children have I pads, computers and visual aids to learn.

The older generation takes great pride in stating that their generation produced all those innovations which have made life easier for today's generation. So what is there to be so proud of? Every generation introduces, innovates and finds ways to make life easier for themselves and the next generation.

Terracota soldiers Xian-3rd Century BC

I actually started writing about "old" as in old age. The stage of life which is much dreaded by most people. The thought came to me when I read about the death of Khushwant Singh. People grow old, the body starts aging, and soon the time comes to leave this world. I do wish that death comes stealthily, quietly, unobtrusively. When we come into the world, we come with much fanfare but the departure could be quiet.

Life's journey has to end after seeing many seasons, meeting many people, making a lot of difference in the life of many people. We do leave a mark on all those whom we meet, interact with and move on. Life goes on for the rest of the people. Seasons come and go, day turns to night and soon another day dawns upon the rest of us. 

An actual photograph taken by me.

HERE COMES SPRING!

MAJESTIC SUNFLOWERS

I love the  beautiful magnificent, majestic,

Tall stalks, with glorious golden yellow,

Sunshine filled, healthy sunflowers!

How swiftly they change their direction to perpetually look at the sun,

That golden beautiful bright orb,

Giving us light and making life so brilliant!

The Dazzling yellow bright sun

Gives us  yet another day,

To look afresh at life,

With the morning glory swaying with the sun's ray.

Colourful, brilliant, vivacious,

Spring brings us hope, happiness and joy!  

EVERY WOMAN'S LAMENT.

One day when I am no more,

Will you think of me?

As that shouting creature, who was always sore?

Will you remember me as the wretch who never let you be?

Will you lament my passing?

Or will you be relieved that she no longer exists,

The one who raised the battle flag,

The one who made you always be on your defensive?

The one you loved to batter always,

With words, with jibes, and with sarcasm?

The one you ridiculed, called a nag,

My concern and care always expected without a tag!




I am the butt of jokes,

Either called a harridan or a blonde,

You could never see the tears behind that smile,

Could never see the hurt at very jibe?

I was burned at the stake,
I was pawned in a game,
I hid my tears 
Only shared your pain 




Will you for once take away those dark glasses,

And see for yourself clearly what was always distorted ?

Will you then shed a tear of repentance?

Will you ever feel gratitude?

It will be too late even if you do,

Your voice, that tear will never reach me!

Will I ever know?? 

No, never,no!