A BIRTHDAY IS A SPECIAL DAY.

The year was 1999. I was posted in the Vasant Vihar  branch of the State Bank of India as Chief Manager. We were looking for a suitable match for my son who was off and on out of the country. I met Rita Madan who walked into my Office one day and asked if I had some  time to spare. She and her husband were valuable account holders of my Branch and so I found time for her. We became acquaintances.

Later they visited my house where Rita came wearing a saree which was identical to one of my own favorite saree. I was a bit surprised to see the similarity of our taste. Over the  years of knowing Rita, we discovered that both of us owned at least two more identical sarees.

We soon became friends. On a short visit to India, Anurag agreed to meet a few girls. Chaitali my daughter and Raja my son in law who live in London, decided to fly down and spend a week with the family. Rita met my daughter and liked her so much that it was decided that Jharna would become my daughter in law.

The roka ceremony was arranged without losing much time as my children were in Delhi just for a week. This is a ceremony amongst Punjabis where some rituals are carried out formally to announce the   betrothal of a boy and girl. The function was arranged at super speed, and yet it was a fascinating and fabulous function arranged with a lot of grace, élan  and sophistication. 

The wedding was after about five months. 

Rita and I got along very well and became more friends than relatives. Rita would never call me Varsha, it was always Varshaji, so I had to per force call her Ritaji. She was the life of every get together. She was a picture of perfect poise, sophistication and grace. She was always very well dressed with matching jewelry. She introduced me to her family jeweler and also a Kashmiri shawl person who was an exporter. Both these people held her in high esteem as she was a discerning shopper. 

One would never have realized how deeply rooted in tradition she was until one had the chance to see her following traditions meticulously. Every Lohri, Holi, Karwa Chauth and Diwali there was a visit made by her to my house, with a basket full of traditional goodies. She refused to hear my pleas that this ritual was not needed. She would never allow me to protest and would always silence me. I also learnt to take this in my stride and accepted that this feature of Rita would not stop, come what may. She loved to follow these rituals.

In spite of these formalities I did become her friend, confidant and advisor. 

In 2005 December, we came to know that Rita had cancer. She went through the treatment, got chemo and recovered. After that her life became very regulated and her food, liquid intake, life style became totally controlled and regulated. She and her devoted husband started taking Yoga lessons too.

When Aaria our grand daughter was born, all of us were together at Nashua. We would cook together and clean up together. It was a good time that we shared together. We all went out for a walk in the evening, where each one of us walked  at our own pace. 

We  were together again when Aaria's first birthday was celebrated. Jharna had organized a professional photo session of the entire family, followed by a great party. Rita had brought beautiful dresses for Jharna, Chaitali and Aaliya, Chaitali's daughter. Rita also brought identical sarees for her and me to wear on this occasion.

Time passed by and everything seemed under control until once again cancer struck  just before Diwali of 2012. Treatment started, it was a journey back and forth to the hospital for tests, scans, more tests, chemo and radiation. Doctors in USA were also consulted and the best treatment was being given. It was a very trying time borne very patiently by Rita and her family.

Her two devoted daughters Sujata and Jharna living in Canada and USA respectively, took time off and tried to be with Rita as much as possible. They took turns and were in India looking after their precious mother and being a support for their father.

The entire year of 2013 went past in a frenzy of journeys back and forth over the continents. Both the girls tried their best and looked after their parents. It speaks very well about the person that Rita was, who brought up her daughters so well that they both turned out to be very devoted, patient, caring persons.

Cancer is a terrible disease. The entire family of a person with cancer gets affected and scarred. It is extremely painful and sad to see the deterioration that sets in, where in spite of the most modern medical treatment, best possible care, and advancement of science, nothing improves. 

Rita left us on the 2nd of March this year after putting up a very very brave fight. 

The persona that she was lives on in our memory. She was a very social person and lived a very active life. She loved to attend the India Today Conclave every year and was always sure to ask a question of one of the prominent speakers. I remember she had asked Shahrukh Khan if he actually used the products that he endorsed.  She was associated with the charity organization of India Today and was a Voluntary Librarian at the Tihar Jail which she visited twice a week. She was a prominent Office Bearer of the Anand Niketan Club and was also the Treasurer of the Anand Niketan Residents Welfare Association. She was a very popular person and today I see the same qualities in her younger daughter Jharna, who is my daughter in law. 
My brother Sunil Uke ran for Rita in two Marathons supporting cancer research and my daughter Chaitali cycled for a 100 miles in one night raising funds in support of Cancer research in London, in memory of Rita.

Rita is missed tremendously. The void left by her will never be filled. Yet life has to be carried on by those who are left behind. I can only tell Sujata and Jharna, "Please be happy that Rita was your mother. She taught you well, guided you well, was your true friend, philosopher and guide. She has left you both with all the qualities that she had. She has also taught you to face life with fortitude and courage.

Today on your birthday Jharna, do not lament for her. Be proud of being the daughter of a very beautiful, sophisticated, cultured, socially aware and truly grounded woman. Rejoice that she taught you all that you know today. She was your external strength always and is now within you as your anchor, guide and internal strength. Parents leave this world but their memories and teachings live with us forever.

Have a very happy Birthday Jharna. For a mother, the birthdays of her children are the most important days of her life. Your mother always loved this day…remember?"