EVENING OF LIFE

Each day of everyone's life starts beautifully. The morning is always charming, colorful and beautiful.The sky slowly starts getting lit and vibrant colours appear in the sky. Although vibrant, they are very soft, soothing, gentle and calming. The sky is always beautiful. Even if there is a fog, or it is misty, the morning sky is lovely. Dawn breaks gently, dispels the darkness and then the sun slowly comes out to light up our day and our life. Its appearance is very gentle and slow.Then starts the flight of birds across the sky, flying in formation. They soar high and go in search of food for themselves and also their little ones, waiting in their nests.There is the chirping of birds, and the "cock a doodle do" of the cock. All animals also set out and make their presence felt by making various sounds. These do not disturb, they make us rise and set out for the day. The day begins and we all go forth to our respective work, to meet our challenges for the day.

When the day is about to end, the sky in the west again becomes vibrant, but this time the colours in the sky are very bright. The colours are alert, alive and strong. They are usually orange, yellow, red and such other fiery shades.The sun also seems to dispel its light different from the rising sun. The sky is again very beautiful. Perhaps it is natures way of bidding us adieu, till the morrow.The sun then sets very fast, as if it is sinking. It is gone in a jiffy! The birds too return to their nests and now the cacophony of their sounds is very noisy. It appears as if they are all fighting over something, or is it a meeting where everyone is trying to give the report of their day's activity, at the same time? They actually make such a lot of noise, that far from being soothing or calming, it is actually disturbing. Why is there so much of clamour for attention?

In the evening of time, almost everyone is a spent force. Tired, worried, stressed. There appears to be no direction, which one can follow. There is no light, except that which is artificially created. Natural light for the day ends and it is time for resting and recuperating to face another day. We recharge ourselves by resting and are again ready for another day.

But, when a person reaches the evening of life, everything appears to be scary. The light at the end of the tunnel appears to be very far away. Sometimes it seems to be unreachable. A weary traveller on the road of life, feels defeated and diffident. What one can see very clearly is a lot of loneliness. There is the fear of losing a partner. The person who mattered the most and often was the anchor in one's life, simply may go away one day. One visualises long lonely days, which would be spent in waiting for a kind word from someone.

Old people really have nothing much to look forward to. They cannot see a future, as their eyesight would have dimmed. They cannot walk to a far off goal as their knees do not match the pace required to walk to that destination. They have time on their hands, and nothing much to do. They have love in their hearts, and no one to shower that love on. They have wisdom acquired in all their years of living, but no one to impart that wisdom to.

A few years back while I was posted as Branch Manager at SBI Vasant Vihar, I had come in contact with a whole lot of old couples living alone as their children had either gone abroad or were working in other cities. All these people were very lonely. However recently, when I met a few relatives and friends who have become old and are living with a lot of difficulty, then I could relate to the problems of old age with more pathos.

I met an aunt of mine who recently lost her husband.She looked so alone and forlorn. Uncle had been bed ridden and since the last six months was totally dependant upon aunty for everything. He was about 84 and aunty was around 80. It was indeed a very difficult existence for aunty. They have four sons and one daughter who are all well settled. None of the children, except one unmarried son who lived with them, looked after uncle. It was really sad and pathetic to hear aunty.Not a single child took time out to care for his father and also give some time off to the old mother, so that she too could rest for a while. After the father died, all the children came together, took days off and spent some days in completing the rituals associated with a bereavement. They then all went back home. If only the children had taken time off and cared for the parent the drudgery could have been a little less painful. Do children have a duty or obligation only after a parent dies?

Another old friend of mine lives alone. She tries to live with dignity to the best of her ability. She reads, watches TV, keeps a clean and beautiful home and carries on. Yet she is often criticised by her children. They have a problem as to why she lives the way she does. They object to her dressing in good clothes stylishly, in her taking care of her looks, in her maintenance of stature and style. The children feel that their mother should be happy to age and live as a person of her age is expected to live. If only wise sense prevailed, the children would realise that styles and age related styles have been formulated to keep a lot of people bonded and subjugated. One has to release oneself from the bondages of society and live life to the fullest and as per one's desire.

Another dear couple live alone as both their sons are abroad. They are dutiful, caring sons yet due to Visa conditions, the parents have to come back home, where they are alone. When I met them, both had fallen and injured themselves. They were both walking around with the help of walking sticks. They are barely able to look after their house. Servants are hard to find, and even if found, reliability is missing. They actually hired a maid from an agency, where they paid Rs. 10,000 as commission(as per the norms) as well as the maid's one month salary in advance.On the third day of employment the maid as well as the agent simply vanished. Older people are very vulnerable to unscrupulous people.

Another old lady lost her husband about three years back. She does not have children. She has still not come to terms with the loss of her husband, and has usual spells of loss of memory and depression. Yet, she has been the best of the lot, because a young colleague of her husband is staying with this lady with his family and taking good care of her. Of course the arrangement is beneficial to both the persons. He has a rent free accommodation in a good locality, and all expenses paid for, and she has a ready made family, which actually takes very good care of her.

There is the happy story of another friend, whose son is taking his mother to stay next door to him, in the city where he works. While she will have her own establishment, she will also have the proximity to be looked after by her son.

After meeting all these people, I remembered what my mother- in- law would always joke and say in Punjabi, "budhapa bada paeda" which means that old age is very bad. I now realise, yes indeed it is very bad, rather, it is very difficult. Now with the expectancy of life increasing, there are going to be more years of loneliness, waiting, watching, and longing to see faces of those who have gone away to make their own lives. The bell seldom rings for lonely old people.

Old people too were young once, they also took decisions, they enjoyed powerful positions and were proud of themselves. Age has caught up with them and made them bereft of a lot of things required for living happily and with dignity. I read that Mr. George Fernandez the fire brand leader is suffering from Alzheimer's disease as well as Parkinson's. Sad to see people of such huge stature reduced to such a state, all because of the havoc caused by age.

Indeed life is difficult in old age.