Pretty little Aaliya is turning six on 26th. I relive my childhood whenever I see her. The joy of wearing her uniform,which till a couple of years ago was called nuniform by her. The happy and bright face looking forward to going to school,shows her love for her school.

It is sheer joy to see her leave for school. She actually skips to school.

She is the giggly little girl that her mother Chaitali was. She too cannot hide her laughter. Her eyes are big and when she is happy, which is generally all the time, then her eyes simply twinkle...

It is nice to hear her,whenever she disdains to talk to me over the phone. It is always, hello naaaani. It is always in a sing song voice. So childish sounding and with such a lot of love in it.

She loves the colour pink and wants everything in pink. My biggest nightmare is that when she marries, she may ask her fiance to wear a pink suit. The imagination of a man in a pink suit, makes me wake up with a jolt!!

She loves painting and colouring.

She is a great helper. Last year when she came to visit me in Nashua, she would always want to help me with whatever I was doing.

Her love for her baby cousin sister who lives in Nashua(USA) is immense. Everyone in her class in London knows Aaria. Aaliya can simply not stop talking about Aaria.

She loves to bake and cook, just like Chaitali.She is the duplicate of Chaitali in a whole lot of things. Starting with her looks..... she is the spitting image of her mother.

Naughty like an imp, she has no qualms about complaining and getting her older brother Kunaal, into trouble.

Aaliya, you little helper, I wish you all the very BEST. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead. Get lots of lovely presents. Have a grand birthday party at Gumbardo! Enjoy with all your friends.

Study well, have lots of fun. Eat your Chyawanprash and laugh, laugh and laugh.

Love you loads.

THOUGHTS THAT WENT ASTRAY

I sometimes wonder where time has gone. I don't feel the advent of age. In fact the feeling that I am nearing the age of retirement, and would soon have the advantage of being classified as a senior citizen, simply does not make me feel fear or discomfort.

Is it strange? Am I in a state of denial-I wonder!

Am I trying to ward off age and it's appendages?

I remember as a young person I had thought that at the age of 40, my life would nearly be over. I would be over the peak of my life. Time did not stop for me and slowly the years rolled by.The forties turned to fifties and now, I am closer to my sixties. The fear of ageing is nowhere in sight. Physically, I still feel as young as ever. It's only the mirror which shows me my true picture. It doesn't appear fearful though. I like to see my reflection.The ageing lines do not disturb me.

With my self chosen retirement from the Bank, and ending the daily grind of a challenging, busy life, I chose to live with myself, for myself and on my terms. I had the freedom to wake up when I wanted to, tidy up, eat and get ready to face the world at the time I wanted to. Yet in spite of that freedom, I found that I woke up on time, got ready on time and lead a fairly regulated life. My pattern of life has not changed much, except that I am more relaxed and know that whatever I do is by my own choice. I love this freedom of living for myself.

My time is my own, and I am my own boss.

I wonder why people are not able to see the world beyond their work place.

Had my father been alive today he would have become 86 years old. 24th February was his actual birthday, although on official records it was the 8th of August. Daddy was one person who felt and lived as though he was not a day more than 40. He was absolutely agile, and always on the go. He read the paper voraciously, and wrote to the papers giving his views. His thoughts were very radical.He wrote and wrote and wrote. He was a person with a mission. Correction, not one mission, but a number of them. One of his pet desires was that people should always speak clearly, the truth, and in good proper language. He was impatient with people who mumbled. He had very clear ideas about life and the way one should lead it. He was one person who believed that there was no life after death.

He believed that there was nothing which was pre ordained or destined. As there was no rebirth, therefore there was no suffering or reward on account of a past life. The use of the word luck, fortunate, unfortunate did not exist in his vocabulary. He would also tell us never to use these words. I agreed with him totally, as the words that we use set our behavior pattern. The language that we use reflect our thoughts. These thoughts then get carried forward and we become retrograde.

Thoughts and language decide how we live. I know some people who have no crisis in life. They simply take life easy. Nothing affects them. They are totally relaxed. Someone else's pain does not bother them. They get everything in life on a platter. They are the ones who are content with what they get. They live in bliss and are rather indifferent to others. They do not care about those who take the pains to make their life comfortable. They are quite oblivious to the existence of others. They take everything for granted.

On the other hand are those who keep slogging to make life easy for others. These people do care for themselves, but always give priority to others. The need to comfort others, and fulfill the desires of others is of paramount importance for them. Somehow these people always appear more happy and content to me. They have a lot of care, concern and compassion. These virtues were possessed in abundance by my dad. He was always watchful, and would always help those who needed help. No one had to ever ask him for help. He simply observed and came forward to help.

He had so much of love and compassion that a crying child who could not be comforted by his own mother would often quieten down as soon as they saw my father.

Daddy was an extremely positive person. There was nothing which could deter him from his chosen path. He believed that we are responsible for everything that happens to us. He said that we are the architects of our future. His fearlessness and absolute honesty made him a person of principles.

I wish I too had the courage to face people with conviction. I wish we would all realize that life is too short, and needs to be lived as we want to.

I don't know where my thoughts on my age changed to choosing the correct words for talking. From then going over to my guide, friend and philosopher was not difficult!!

Never mind, today on what would have been his 86th birthday, I remember my dad with pride and happiness. I am happy that I was his daughter.I will always try to follow his teaching and make my life better and happier!!

DREAM AND WIN

Pain sometimes is so strong, that it becomes unbearable. It is said that migraine, toothache and labour pain are pains with severe intensity. However bystanders would simply not be able to comprehend the intensity of the pain, even if it was described in great detail. Only the person who undergoes the pain knows what he is going through.

Similarly the pain that a person undergoes due to the discrimination that he faces in society, can only be felt by the person who suffers it. Others can sympathize, but never understand what all goes on in the mind of the person who has had to bear the discrimination.

Today, I went to see My name is Khan. It is a very sensitively made movie. One can see the effort that has gone into making the movie. The story has been told straight from the heart. The pain actually shows. Brilliant! The movie made me wish to clap and applaud the movie.

The pain that a Muslim suffers simply because he is a Muslim, as shown in the movie, is similar to the discrimination that a person belonging to the Scheduled caste faces day in and day out. Since these people do not have any distinguishing features or dress or external manifestations of their caste, they are not treated badly initially. Yet, as soon as it is known which caste they belong to, the discrimination starts. In the job situation, however brilliant an Officer may be, there is no way that he can reach the topmost position. All people belonging to other castes will make sure that he is not able to reach very high. All sorts of stumbling blocks are put up to trip the upward movement of such meritorious people. As it is we have a crab mentality where we do not help people achieve their goal. We, like crabs pull down the people who are trying to go up. Therefore a person from the Scheduled Caste has an extremely arduous task to try and reach the pinnacle.

The story of the Black people is also a similar story of overcoming a lot of difficulties and trying to find their own place on earth, under the sun. The beautiful and highly motivating song, "We shall overcome"... translated brilliantly as "Hum honge kaamyaab" has been very well depicted in this movie. One has to overcome all the obstacles and move forward on the path of progress.

I have learnt that in this world, if one wants to achieve something, then that path has to be traversed alone. There is very little likelihood of getting any help, or encouragement from anyone. The road to success is rather lonely.

Nevertheless, having a vision, a dream, a desire to do something, has to be strong. One has to have the conviction to go ahead ...alone. One must be committed, calm, collected and courageous. However long the journey which we have undertaken may be, one day it is sure to end. All that is needed is patience. If we go with the desire to succeed, then success will not elude us. Courage, conviction and belief will take us forward. Standing on the victory stand alone...one day...would not be a far fetched dream.....

DISPARITY

Sometimes I wonder if people understand the extent of poverty that exists in our country. I feel extremely sad when I see little children performing on the busy roads. They do acrobatics at very busy road intersection when the traffic lights turn red. These children are hardly 3 to 4 years old. I feel like hanging my head in shame as I can's bear to look at these little children forced to risk their lives for a pittance.

In Delhi I have seen that usually there is a person in every locality who collects garbage from the house. I used to think that they collect the garbage and throw them in the large bins from where the waste management people or some such agency would be clearing the garbage. This thought of mine was rudely shattered one day when I saw that the person collecting the garbage actually opens out each bag and sorts it out. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the circumstances and unhygienic way in which this man was sorting out the garbage. This was being done so that he could find bits and pieces, plastic bags and stuff which he could sell to the kabadiwala,and make some money. I was very sad to see this. The poor man was sorting it all with his bare hands.

I have also seen little children with bags picking up plastic bags and other stuff that people throw away. The saddest sight is of children picking up food from waste bins near restaurants or eating joints. What kind of a life is this? What is the future of these children?

I am amazed to see the disparity that exists all around us. Those who are the "haves" , are so rich that they do not know when to stop splurging. The malls, the luxurious goods, the ever increasing price of flats, the very expensive movie tickets, luxurious cars, SUV's all cater to the haves. On the other hand are these people who do not know from where their next meal is coming. In fact is it coming or not is the vital question.

The "haves" and the "have-nots" all belong to the same country. All of us have a stake here.We were all born here. This land belongs to all of us. Why then is there so much disparity?

The conditions are such that while some people die of over eating some starve to death. If only each one of us could spare some time to think about the huge multitude of people who have nothing, perhaps we could make a difference. We should not simply think, but should also try to find ways and means by which we could make a difference.

I see the large hoardings and advertisements put up by Aircel about the dwindling number of tigers. They say there are only 1411 tigers left. I am really impressed by the advertisement and am motivated to do my best for saving the tigers. The ad is really very touching and tugs at my heart. I wish some philanthropist or organisation or group of people would also take cudgels on behalf of these street children. It will require a little initiative and I am sure a whole lot of people will come forward to help and make a difference. There is a need to highlight the issue and make a forum available to the general public to help. I believe that basically people are good at heart, and want to help. Perhaps they do not know how they can help. They also need to be assured that the money will not be misused and misappropriated.

Perhaps most of us are insensitive to the plight of the poor, as we in India believe in "Karma". We also believe in destiny, and also believe that we are reaping the benefits of what we did in our past life. We also believe that those who are suffering are being punished for the evil deeds of their past life. That is the reason why people turn their faces away, and do not bother about the disparity. Everyone is resigned to fate. It is thought that everything is pre destined. There is therefore no guilt, no remorse at splurging while a whole lot of people are struggling to keep themselves alive.How long will we remain insensitive? Can we really turn our faces away and not bother?

To start with, I wish, everyone would pause and think about the difference that they can make to the lives of those who are around them and need a kind word, a little care, a soothing touch. We all need to understand that people are people and circumstances make them rich or poor. Let us not blame fate, or karma, let us simply face truthfully that while we have sufficient, there are others who have nothing. This disparity is not due to fate. We can make a difference. Let us try and with kindness in our heart, try to make the world a better place for everyone.

Please do think of those who work for you, those who perform on the streets, those who provide you with services. Let us respect them as human beings, and allow them some dignity in life. Let us be the change and bring a smile to the face of someone. Win with kindness!!

NYET! NYET!! NYET!!!

My last post sounded quite melancholy. It was sad, because I felt sad seeing the condition of those who were once the life of a party. They loved life, lived well,were very protective about their children. In fact some of them would not allow their children to venture out, even to the park without an escort. All these colourful personalities are now all laden with illnesses and weakness and so on and so forth which are geriatric.

This reminds me of a lady whom I met yesterday, she is 72 years old and was saying, "You know how these old women are, they want to stick to all rituals," having said that she burst out laughing, saying, "as though I do not belong to that group now, but you know, I don't feel that old."

Oh yes, you age only as much as you want to. It is all in the mind. Somehow, I am never able to relate with people closer to my age, as I feel that somewhere I do not belong to that group. I have no ailments, no difficulty in walking, or whatever. In fact that reminds me that even in my much younger days, I never belonged to the age group of my contemporaries. I passed out my Matric at the age of 14 and graduated at the age of 18. My friends and classmates were always older than me, so I was never included in their chat sessions. So my age has always been mine-to think and live. My father lived like that. He was ever youthful and walked very fast, and never had a day's ailment,even at the age of 82, when he just died. One could not tell his age by looking at him.

I have my heart full of joy and a quick step takes me onwards to my destination. I am a wanderer and I love travelling. Staying for too long in one place makes me want to move, move, move.The breeze, the birds, the clean air outside beckons me. Come on, come out, feel free.

Life doesn't stand still for me. I have a hundred things to do, and a thousand miles to go. I have a hundred new things to learn and a thousand new places to see. I have a hundred issues to write on and a thousand wishes to be fulfilled.I have a lot to do, and I will.

No, no, no, it was not about me that I wrote. It was simply a reflection of what I saw and felt like sharing.

EVENING OF LIFE

Each day of everyone's life starts beautifully. The morning is always charming, colorful and beautiful.The sky slowly starts getting lit and vibrant colours appear in the sky. Although vibrant, they are very soft, soothing, gentle and calming. The sky is always beautiful. Even if there is a fog, or it is misty, the morning sky is lovely. Dawn breaks gently, dispels the darkness and then the sun slowly comes out to light up our day and our life. Its appearance is very gentle and slow.Then starts the flight of birds across the sky, flying in formation. They soar high and go in search of food for themselves and also their little ones, waiting in their nests.There is the chirping of birds, and the "cock a doodle do" of the cock. All animals also set out and make their presence felt by making various sounds. These do not disturb, they make us rise and set out for the day. The day begins and we all go forth to our respective work, to meet our challenges for the day.

When the day is about to end, the sky in the west again becomes vibrant, but this time the colours in the sky are very bright. The colours are alert, alive and strong. They are usually orange, yellow, red and such other fiery shades.The sun also seems to dispel its light different from the rising sun. The sky is again very beautiful. Perhaps it is natures way of bidding us adieu, till the morrow.The sun then sets very fast, as if it is sinking. It is gone in a jiffy! The birds too return to their nests and now the cacophony of their sounds is very noisy. It appears as if they are all fighting over something, or is it a meeting where everyone is trying to give the report of their day's activity, at the same time? They actually make such a lot of noise, that far from being soothing or calming, it is actually disturbing. Why is there so much of clamour for attention?

In the evening of time, almost everyone is a spent force. Tired, worried, stressed. There appears to be no direction, which one can follow. There is no light, except that which is artificially created. Natural light for the day ends and it is time for resting and recuperating to face another day. We recharge ourselves by resting and are again ready for another day.

But, when a person reaches the evening of life, everything appears to be scary. The light at the end of the tunnel appears to be very far away. Sometimes it seems to be unreachable. A weary traveller on the road of life, feels defeated and diffident. What one can see very clearly is a lot of loneliness. There is the fear of losing a partner. The person who mattered the most and often was the anchor in one's life, simply may go away one day. One visualises long lonely days, which would be spent in waiting for a kind word from someone.

Old people really have nothing much to look forward to. They cannot see a future, as their eyesight would have dimmed. They cannot walk to a far off goal as their knees do not match the pace required to walk to that destination. They have time on their hands, and nothing much to do. They have love in their hearts, and no one to shower that love on. They have wisdom acquired in all their years of living, but no one to impart that wisdom to.

A few years back while I was posted as Branch Manager at SBI Vasant Vihar, I had come in contact with a whole lot of old couples living alone as their children had either gone abroad or were working in other cities. All these people were very lonely. However recently, when I met a few relatives and friends who have become old and are living with a lot of difficulty, then I could relate to the problems of old age with more pathos.

I met an aunt of mine who recently lost her husband.She looked so alone and forlorn. Uncle had been bed ridden and since the last six months was totally dependant upon aunty for everything. He was about 84 and aunty was around 80. It was indeed a very difficult existence for aunty. They have four sons and one daughter who are all well settled. None of the children, except one unmarried son who lived with them, looked after uncle. It was really sad and pathetic to hear aunty.Not a single child took time out to care for his father and also give some time off to the old mother, so that she too could rest for a while. After the father died, all the children came together, took days off and spent some days in completing the rituals associated with a bereavement. They then all went back home. If only the children had taken time off and cared for the parent the drudgery could have been a little less painful. Do children have a duty or obligation only after a parent dies?

Another old friend of mine lives alone. She tries to live with dignity to the best of her ability. She reads, watches TV, keeps a clean and beautiful home and carries on. Yet she is often criticised by her children. They have a problem as to why she lives the way she does. They object to her dressing in good clothes stylishly, in her taking care of her looks, in her maintenance of stature and style. The children feel that their mother should be happy to age and live as a person of her age is expected to live. If only wise sense prevailed, the children would realise that styles and age related styles have been formulated to keep a lot of people bonded and subjugated. One has to release oneself from the bondages of society and live life to the fullest and as per one's desire.

Another dear couple live alone as both their sons are abroad. They are dutiful, caring sons yet due to Visa conditions, the parents have to come back home, where they are alone. When I met them, both had fallen and injured themselves. They were both walking around with the help of walking sticks. They are barely able to look after their house. Servants are hard to find, and even if found, reliability is missing. They actually hired a maid from an agency, where they paid Rs. 10,000 as commission(as per the norms) as well as the maid's one month salary in advance.On the third day of employment the maid as well as the agent simply vanished. Older people are very vulnerable to unscrupulous people.

Another old lady lost her husband about three years back. She does not have children. She has still not come to terms with the loss of her husband, and has usual spells of loss of memory and depression. Yet, she has been the best of the lot, because a young colleague of her husband is staying with this lady with his family and taking good care of her. Of course the arrangement is beneficial to both the persons. He has a rent free accommodation in a good locality, and all expenses paid for, and she has a ready made family, which actually takes very good care of her.

There is the happy story of another friend, whose son is taking his mother to stay next door to him, in the city where he works. While she will have her own establishment, she will also have the proximity to be looked after by her son.

After meeting all these people, I remembered what my mother- in- law would always joke and say in Punjabi, "budhapa bada paeda" which means that old age is very bad. I now realise, yes indeed it is very bad, rather, it is very difficult. Now with the expectancy of life increasing, there are going to be more years of loneliness, waiting, watching, and longing to see faces of those who have gone away to make their own lives. The bell seldom rings for lonely old people.

Old people too were young once, they also took decisions, they enjoyed powerful positions and were proud of themselves. Age has caught up with them and made them bereft of a lot of things required for living happily and with dignity. I read that Mr. George Fernandez the fire brand leader is suffering from Alzheimer's disease as well as Parkinson's. Sad to see people of such huge stature reduced to such a state, all because of the havoc caused by age.

Indeed life is difficult in old age.