I recently watched three movies in a row, all were women centric. Two were in Hindi and one was an English movie, "Pink", "Parched" and "The girl on the train" respectively. All three were about the exploitation of women and how the women tried in their own way to deal with the issue.
I also watched and heard the speech of Michelle Obama as well as of Donald Trump Junior, both again about women and their exploitation.
The rise of women and the empowerment of women to be more vocal and come out in the open and talk about the pain and indignity that they have suffered is a matter of surprise to a number of people.
I have seen a lot of men voice their concerns and wonder why women are now coming out in the open about having had to face harassment at the hands of Trump. They wonder why were these women silent for so long.
I did not hear these questions asked when a number of people suddenly came out about their being sexually assaulted by BBC's Jimmy Savile.
I did not hear these questions asked when a number of people suddenly came out about their being sexually assaulted by BBC's Jimmy Savile.
I wonder if all those men who laugh at women, make jokes about them and are surprised by the women coming out in the open, have ever thought about how those women may have felt when they were being subject to such harassment. How demeaned and helpless those women may have felt. How they may have stifled their screams and their desire to expose those men. If they had complained then would anyone have believed them? Would anyone make sure that they received justice? As it is this world is ruled and controlled by men and talking about such exploitation would never be taken in the right spirit.
Women who have risen very high in the Corporate world by their dint of hard work and excellent performance are often spoken about quite shabbily. I have heard it said in a demeaning manner with a sneer, "Arundhati Bhattacharya is trying to become the MD and COO of the World Bank", as though it is something she should not aspire for. When a man aspires for the same post, people do not sneer. I wonder why this does not surprise me!
It appears as though the working world is divided in two groups. The efficient men and the conniving women.
Women have always been given a secondary role in their house and they are never the controllers of their families. They may be the primary earning member, sometimes the only earning member and yet they have to take a step back and allow the male ego to be pampered to maintain peace in the family. The man's ego has to be fed or else the grown up baby sulks, mopes and makes life generally very miserable for the entire household. The woman simply has to handle this situation with tender care and patience. Men have never got used to playing second fiddle in their house.
This pattern is not restricted to any particular area, it is an universal phenomena and the same rule applies to rural, urban, or metropolitan areas and it cuts across all classes of society too.
Most men find it hard to believe that women are not able to break out of this stereo typical image of being battered women. Battering does not have to be physical. It can be emotional as well as mental.
One has heard of girls and young women being molested in their own houses by their male relatives, where sometimes their mother either does not accept that her daughter is telling the truth or looks the other way as she does not have the courage to bring this atrocity to light. The reasons for hiding this crime may be many and quite diverse too.
Another problem is that many people still believe that girls and young women invite such assaults by their sense of dressing. Why should a girl have to take care of her dressing lest she tempt a man to take advantage of her? Is she not allowed freedom to choose what she can wear? Is it not a problem of the man who is leering at her?
Just as in the movie Pink, three girls live away from their homes for the sake of convenience, today there are many young working girls and students who stay away from home. These girls do get branded as more freedom loving. It is often presumed that they are not very prudish and would be willing to go to any extent for the sake of fun.
I say if the girl is willing then there is no problem, but why on earth should it be taken for granted that the girls are asking for the attention of the people of the opposite sex?
About forty years ago, I was posted to a branch in Chandigarh and stayed alone on the second floor of a house. The land lord and land lady stayed on the first floor. The house was very safe. Every weekend I would travel to Delhi where the rest of my family stayed. One weekend I stayed back and was very surprised to have a visitor on Sunday afternoon. The person was a colleague from the department where I worked. I asked him what brought him to my house.
He said,"I thought you must be lonely, so I would give you company in the afternoon."
I actually could not believe my ears. What business did he have to come to my house uninvited?
Who asked him to come and give me company?
I lost my temper and asked the fellow to leave and never come back again.
There are many such predators amongst us waiting to pounce on single women who would be living alone for a multitude of reasons.
Even after forty years I do not see much difference in the attitude of most people.
The patriarchal society that we live in has given men unlimited powers. They can say anything, do anything, shout, mope, control and batter women without the women having any recourse to justice and a right to live with dignity.
Equality is one right which exists only on paper. There is no equality in the real world.
I have known a family where the husband insisted that one person in the family must have the power to take a decision in all matters. As soon as this power is given to one person, the other person automatically has to become inferior as the right to dissent, to have a different opinion is taken away. One just has to fall in line and agree to the diktats of the decision making authority.
One scene in the movie Parched which I may not be able to forget easily is when a married girl runs away from her house and comes back to her parental home. The Panchayat decides that she is bringing a bad name to the village and so she must be sent back. Much against the desire of the parents the girl is forced to go back. Before being taken away the girl asks her mother to let her stay as she is routinely being raped by her brother in law. The mother does not relent, then the daughter cries that even her father in law rapes her. Yet the mother does not listen to her pleas and pushes the girl into the waiting vehicle and sends her daughter away.
This is the reality of a lot of hapless, helpless girls who have to face such atrocious behaviour from the male members of their own family. It is also the sad story of hapless mothers who cannot help their daughters because they do not have the courage and wherewithal to go against society.
The mindset of everyone needs to change. The dignity of women can be maintained when each one of us stands up against exploitation. Each one of us must respect women and treat them as equals. Neither superior nor inferior, simply equal. Please do not deceive women by saying that we are putting you up on a pedestal. Please let the woman stand next to you on terra firma in her own space. No pushing, no jostling please. Let them be, let them grow, let them blossom.
Respect and equality must be taught from childhood. Respecting the privacy of a person and her choice needs to be practiced. A woman is not a thing. She is an individual, a person, a human being.
Men are because of her, she is not because of men.
Remember a man is physically strong above the torso but in the lower torso a woman is physically very strong.
The mindset of everyone needs to change. The dignity of women can be maintained when each one of us stands up against exploitation. Each one of us must respect women and treat them as equals. Neither superior nor inferior, simply equal. Please do not deceive women by saying that we are putting you up on a pedestal. Please let the woman stand next to you on terra firma in her own space. No pushing, no jostling please. Let them be, let them grow, let them blossom.
Respect and equality must be taught from childhood. Respecting the privacy of a person and her choice needs to be practiced. A woman is not a thing. She is an individual, a person, a human being.
Men are because of her, she is not because of men.
Remember a man is physically strong above the torso but in the lower torso a woman is physically very strong.
22 comments:
Straight from the heart ......a harsh truth ....summed up so well,Varsha ji .....!
Beautifully showing the mirror to the society.
Deep Singh said:
Hi Varsha!
All credit to you for articulating so well the reality of how women are perceived and treated.
The unfortunate fact is that women, who themselves are the victims of such a mindset, become accomplices of their men when at a certain stage in life they have the opportunity to stand firm and change things for the better. This is exemplified in the incident you quote from the film.
In the meanwhile the thing to do is to conduct ones own life by ones own lights and turn things around within ones own sphere of influence, however limited.
Cheers
Deep
Reshma Bhagat said,"Beautifully depicted dear Varsha..... indeed a shameful truth of atrocities against women in our society.
Change is coming and is coming fast!
I see many talented people emerging and they are full of confidence
Louts and insecure people perceive harrasing achievers as adding to their macho quotient but many amongst them are changing as they see their sisters and others treading a different path.
Man Singh said,"Beautiful blog.Pain, frustration, disgust on the exploitation of half the population is explicit.Feminsm in India has yet to take full circle.Metros, urban centres have some zeal and women are live to their equality rights.But visibility is more in family strife revolutionary change in mindset of patriarchy is a far cry.Prehistoric known world held women in commanding position.At what time patriarchy swayed the society is not definite.Almost every religion commenced with patriarchal flavour.Trojan war was more a war for victory of patriarchy over the women like Helen who as per their prevalent tradition was free to prefer her companion.South India had beautiful examples of Satvahana Brahmin rulers ( mother name was also their identity), Great Kakatiyas with illustrious ruler like Rudramba, etc but north shows lesser inclination ( Chankya is found to be unfavourable to women folk in his Arthashastra).South India also later earned bad name for worst institution of Devdasi.Sometime beginning with 6th century AD, situation of women deteriorated and surprisingly contrary to Satvahana traditions, Brahmin rule givers reduced the women to commodity like status. Things were improving for women with reforms of 19 the and 20th Century but one can observe from writings if women authors that situation was alarming even hundred years ago.Yes bold revelations by many a women shocked the society.One name worth mentioning was Kuriyedathu Thaattri a nambudiri Antharjanam.Her revelations compelled the then conservative nambudiri society to reform.
Yes. Arundhati Bhattacharya is well within her rights to seek privileged position out of SBI.Incidentally she has yet to do something worth rememberece for the staff and pensioners of SBI."
Seema Kumar said,"A candid post about the harsh reality"
Rita Kapur said,"Nice piece of writing!
Hard hitting but much needed!!"
PremChander wrote,"Read your article with interest and complete agreement.
If one sees around us equality of opportunity and in relationship has happened in countries where there has been social evolution (a slow process over a long period of time) or if the country has undergone a catharsis (usually at birth - Israel comes to mind). The slow process is a part of evolution of society where private citizens have far greater rights today than what they did say 50 years ago. In that process women have also got greater rights. An interesting case is Norway which has 35% women directors the results of mandatory quotas.
I don't think in most countries around the world there is significant difference in the way society is structured. If and when the US has a woman president the impact on women will be similar to the impact on African Americans as result of the Obama presidency. I don't see in the major countries like Russia, China India any significant difference in the status of women except for their access to legal protection. It is just that in certain countries violence of any form is illegal and hence violence against women is also illegal.
In India the rule of law is still to evolve for the general population - we are in many respects a feudal society on that dimension.
It is gratifying that a conversation has started on the issue of position of women. Literature and cinema can help but unfortunately change is in the "jara hatke" cinema which runs for a week and then is relegated to the 10 am show on a week day. Mainline cinema is still reinforcing traditional gender biases. Something is better than nothing but we have a long way to go. We have to change the way we think in the family.
Cheers"
Ratan Singh said,"Real Truth, well said. But things are changing. More and more women empowerment and self dependence, will bring down such behaviour. My guess.
More one to one meetings can bring better understanding, this is vanishing day after day (Thanks to Mobile, whatsapp and TV).
Thanks
Ratan"
Beautifully presented,bold and clear,meaningful and simple,not beating around bush.
But she should move further and suggest ways and means to combat these problems.
K.P. Roy
Jennie Arvidson said." Varsha writes very well about how women feel around the world.
I ask permission to share Varsha's blog."
Varsha, you are doing a wonderful job creating awareness about this issue. It is good to see that so many film-makers have helped spread this awareness about this issue. I think we need to enlist a lot more opinion-makers to this cause, I have no clue how to go about that. Meanwhile, we continue to contribute in our own small way by making our own thoughts and actions worthy.
Madam Nagpal,
As always your blog is wonderful and worth reading, an analytical mirror of male dominated society.The transformation has begun, but will take time as still majority is illiterate and still live in the age old mind set of keeping women inside the close doors be only the home maker and bear their children. Any attempt by any woman or girl is being looked down. But awakening has begun. recent stories of family supports to Women Olympic medalists, encourages us to remain positive.
What you are stating in this blog is a harsh reality Varsha. While in more advanced countries, there is more awareness and better sensitivity about women, in India we tend to demean and belittle women in every possible way, whether it is home or workplace or market- place. Well, I am not talking about the uneducated, uncivilised and rustic folks from the rural India; I am referring to the so-called educated, civilised and polished people of the metros. It hurts me to see the well-educated and equally qualified wives taking a back seat in the drawing room discussions confining themselves to only looking after the guests while the husband occupies the centre stage of discussions. In public fora also, it is painful to see a gentleman's views being given more weight as compared to a woman's opinion, just because his voice is louder and thicker and therefore more audible.
In my view, there is no short term solution to this malaise. Some of the things that we can do are:
1. Provide good professional education to our daughters and grand-daughters and ensure that they can hold their head high and not succumb to the atrocities of the world (like the three girls in the movie.
2. Inculcate values of equality of genders in our sons and grandsons and sensitise them to treat the women in the work-place and the woman in their life with equality and not demean her on the basis of her gender alone. Charity begins at home.
3. Mature senior executives could make a conscious effort to empower women in their team/organisations which will help women to feel more self-assured and help men to accept a woman in a position of authority.
4. Educational Institutes, especially in management areas, should include inputs on gender equality and gender sensitisation amongst its students.
5. Women themselves should rise above this and refuse to accept crap from others, males or females.
Nobody is going to give you power, Girls. It has to be grabbed and wielded!!! You have to fight your own battle and not expect others to do it for you. If you put on an "Abla Naari, Bechaari" stance, this is how you will be treated as.
Sudhir Tandon said,"Very well explained nd said. Things r moving in right direction. People in large have started raising nd debating issues of atrocities nd injustice to women more openly nd needs to b intensified. Things r changing may b at snail's speed but I m sure it will change. U deserve praise for tagging the issue so well."
Sridhar Raju said,"Varsha I agree that society has still a long way to go as far as equality to women is concerned. Having said that I would like to remind you of what Michelle Obama said about the men in her life(and in the life in the lives of many others) who are not patriarchal. A few decades back nobody was even prepared to acknowledge the concept of equality of the sexes. Today there are many voices raised against injustice. Are we evolving-maybe our grandchildren can answer in a few decades. Interestingly our mythology refers to the high respect that women enjoyed-Draupadi, Sita, Sumati are a few examples. Whether that respect was universal can be a matter of debate. Again my personal observation is that there are many parts of India including particularly Bengal and Kerala where women are treated on par intellectually with men. So Varsha that is my two cents."
Heartfelt and very well written article Aunty.
Malti Ghadge said,"Now people have started looking straight into the eyes of the problems yet lots to be done to make women as such to show strength to raise the voice firm, clear and loud. Very honest and effective expression. God bless you"
A K Saraf said,"I have gone through the artice and the comments.
At the out set I will say that subject is important and need to be addres speedily. I congratulate you for this bold blog.
I have used the word speedily because I observe that many actions have been initiated for upliftment of Women . As a result many women has risen in various fields. Today so many women are at top in Banks and Finance field and also other fields.Today we find good number of Girls in Professional courses and numbers are increasing with time. I remember we never heard of girls in Engineering Institutes.
Even in vidhan Sabha and Lok Sabha we find women members, some very active some silent.. Many more xamples can be quoted .
Yes I fully agree, te numbers are not sufficient and much more needs to be done.
I will also like to mention here that more girls/women take lead. need to come forward and take lead. As society is getting educated people are open to education of girls..
There is another section of society who have very conservative beliefs about females. They probably not reading such articles .
A different route has to be taken to change mind set of such section..
Government hs also initiated actions in this regard also including programs in TV which has deep reach today. More programs may be broadcast ed.
The three films mentioned by you are also steps towards bringing awareness to people in this regard.
I would also like to mention a recent Hindi film Ki Ka which you might have seen.
As regards your observation in case of Arundhati Bhattacharya, such remarks are often raised even when men are looking forward to higher posts. No need to get disturbed .
There are enough laws to tackle sexual harassment of women in houses or workplaces and even many senior persons have been punished also.However women has to come out .
Regarding your observation about remarks about women who raised voice against Trum, thar are many more peopl who are condemning Mr Trump .
Finally I would like to say that large section of women are also responsible for excesses on women.
More and more volunteers and NGO's should also come forward and work in this area.
I am confident the things will change fast..
Let us all do what ever we can do for the cause"
I am not in disagreement with you on any of the things that you have written in your blog regarding the exploitation of women and the perception that they are more in the nature of expendables in a man's world once their utility is exhausted. Your post indeed is a harsh denouement of male chauvinism and I accept that is the reality. But on an individual level I guess that the changes in perception are becoming evident and the path towards total emancipation and equality of genders can happen only if this becomes a mass movement and that can start from every home and every educational institution. I come from a conservative family background but I have seen the definite movement to total gender equality. I have no qualms in accepting that the women in my family rule :). I am proud that my niece is the MD&CEO of NSE and is one of the top business women in the country. Things are happening but may be the pace should pick up. You yourself are an example of an emancipated woman in what was once only a man's world. Cheers.
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