BRINGING UP CHILDREN-TOUGH JOB!!

In today's day and age, bringing up children, is a very difficult task. Everyone now respects individuality, and knows of the concept of personal space. Families have become nuclear and value systems have changed rapidly. The entire spectrum of society is changing way too fast. It therefore becomes very difficult to decide which modus operandi to adopt to bring up children.

In olden times, children were supposed to be seen and not heard. The lord and master of the house, oops, I mean the head of the family, was indeed the lord and master of the house. His wife and children were like his chattel. His children were not allowed to disturb him, or encroach upon his time. There was no concept of sharing quality time, and there was no involvement of the father in bringing up the children. That was all the domain and total responsibility of the mother.

Things have since changed, fathers have become more humane and they have even started getting emotional. They too are now allowed to cry and express their emotions. They have been allowed the boon to be able to interact with their children. So much so that due to the advent of the nuclear family and employment of women outside their homes, men have become partners in bringing up their children.

With the modern era and freedom of expression, it is now recognised that children too have rights and parents cannot decide their future. Parents have started thinking that while they can guide their children and provide them with every facility that the child may require, the sense of duty that needs to have been taught to the children has gone missing. The children have therefore started taking everything for granted. They expect that all their wishes, and needs would be taken care of. However as they have never been told that with rights, duties are a corollary, they never dream that they too have a responsibility. They have a responsibility towards the provider of all these luxuries of life. This thought is far far away from their wildest dreams.

Freedom that has been given to the children has therefore been misused. Parents today, I observe are often scared to talk to their children. They are unable to control their children, and they cannot question the children or lay down any rules. In olden days, parents laid down the rules of behaviour. Children had to wake up on time, they had to perform a few duties pertaining to the house as was entrusted to them. Children were expected to eat whatever was cooked for the whole family. Food time was specific, there was no choice given to members of the family to eat as and when they pleased. There was also no choice given as to the food that they wanted to eat. The menu was decided and every family member partook of the food. Today I find children are given a choice. Forget given a choice, children dictate what they want to eat. Parents relent and children get whatever they want to eat, even if they are aware that the nutritional value of the food is not sufficient. This also results in the new problem of obesity and ill health. Health of the children is suffering, as parents have very little say in their diet as well as their pattern of life.

Earlier children used to play and exercise. It was expected that children would go out to play in the evening. That built up a strong community feeling as well as a good neighbourhood. In fact parents were often called, "so and so's papa or mummy". The child was better known in the neighborhood than the parents.Today that camaraderie also is absent. Children do not play outside. Exercise too is limited. They play their PSP or Wii or some such indoor game, where movement or moving out in the open air is totally avoidable. During vacations and holidays children are allowed to sleep late and there is no discipline what so ever. The reason for all this is the diminishing authority of the parents. In most households both parents work, therefore children are left in the care of others or servants. Grandparents live elsewhere, as joint family system has almost vanished. The parents therefore develop a sense of guilt, as they feel that they are not giving all that they should be giving to their children. They feel that they are depriving their children of their valuable time. It is basically the sense of guilt which makes parents indulge in the whims and fancies of their children. Children are very shrewd. They are able to extract the maximum from these distraught, guilty parents. It may sound rather mean the way I put it, but it is a fact that children are able to often play one parent against the other, or play on the emotions of a parent who has to be away for long hours due to office work. It does not mean that children do not miss the parents and are only extracting benefits. They do suffer, they do miss. Often at the time of their need the parent is missing. This feeling is enough to make the parent feel guilty enough to give in to unreasonable demands.

This sort of indiscipline results in a failed family. This guilt feeling of the parents result inversely in more ways than one. Children often go way ward. Lacking direction, being able to get the maximum out of their parents, children who are at a vulnerable stage of life take wrong decisions. Children have open minds which are waiting to be moulded. Giving them freedom to chose from the many options in life without understanding the implications of each decision is not correct. Impressionable minds get easily swayed by glamour, small time success stories, and wrong manifestations of what seems to be bright.

I have observed that those parents who have been strict with their children and not relented with freedom of thought, expression and indiscipline have children who are well placed in society. These children have secure jobs and are responsible citizens. All said and done having a good earning capacity, having a secure job, having a future to look forward to, is what youth is all about. It is nice to talk of idealism, freedom of thought, and freedom to chose how to lead their life. In real life, a young person has to have a proper future planning or else he doesn't know what to do with the time at hand. Most people have to think about their own self, their future, health, old age and so on and so forth. Children must therefore be given proper guidance. They must be told of what is expected of them. They must also know that life is not a bed of roses. It has to be made a bed of roses.

In ancient Indian philosophy it is said that human life span can be divided into 4 phases.For the 1st 25 years it is a time for learning, then time for entering into the family life, then time for retirement and then to become a recluse. Right from day one if I teach my child not to work hard but to take life easy and take his own decisions, the child is bound to take wrong decisions. Every age and stage of life offers different teaching experiences, which must be learnt at the right time.

Discipline of the family, respect for parents, gratitude for whatever opportunity is given to them will make better adults of children of today. They will learn to value their freedom as well as learn to take on responsibility along with the many privileges that they get from their families. Duties, expectations and responsibility must be known to the child, just as well as they know how to demand and get their wishes fulfilled. They should realise that life is a two way traffic where every action has an equal and opposite reaction.