TRILOKI NATH NAGPAL

Happiness arrived in the house of Naraindas and Leelawati Nagpal, in the form of a baby boy on 29th December 1945. There was a curfew in town and it was very early in the morning. They already had five daughters and had desperately wanted to have a son. They had been to all the pilgrimage centers of India including Amarnath, Golden Temple and Vaishno Devi wishing and asking a boon from all the Gods to let them have a son. Their life’s desire was fulfilled and it was the greatest day of their lives, on this day. Their eldest daughter Phoolan who was already married, hired a musical band to go with fanfare to congratulate her parents. Oh! What a glorious and desired entry to this world was yours!!

You Trilokinath Nagpal were that baby.

You were Prince of Wales to Jijaji, Salaar Jung to Kailash, Kakoo to Avinash and Saale sahib to GK, and you were treated as an exceptionally loved brother in law. To your sisters, who each excelled in her chosen field you were the best brother. Each sister of yours made a name for herself and her achievement was enough to make her parents proud. Neena with her gold medal in Medical College, Prem with her P hD and published books, poetry and critiquing skills, Devi reaching her desired post in the Education department of Delhi and her numerous Degrees, Pholan bahenji a girl from the early 1920’s pursuing a career in teaching, Pushpa doing very well in her Medical career. Each one made her parents proud.

Being from such a distinguished family of achievers, you too had immense potential. You were given the best opportunities, guidance and examples in front of you, you too excelled in studies. You were always a topper in your Engineering degree class. Correcting your teacher also in the class room, you did become known as a person with all ‘fundas’ clear.

As a son you were par excellence. No one could have hoped for a better son. I always thought that you were actually a replica of the mythical Shravan Kumar. In fact even for your in laws, my parents, you were more of a son than a son in law.They trusted you implicitly. They loved you as their third son. My brothers also are exceptionally fond of you.

As my friend in Ranchi you were really great. Humorous, lively, insistent, always ready for adventure, fun loving, and full of life and joy. Such a great letter writer!!!

As a father, you were good. Friendly, steady, being always available to the children, to talk and listen to their stories. You were the epitome of patience, being there for them. Patient, loving and caring. A good teacher, who solved all their maths and Science problems in a jiffy.

My repairman and handy man, who always repaired each and everything that broke in my house. Every cup was repaired, every watch was dismantled and put back together again. Every electrical gadget never went to it's death until you had examined and investigated into it's potential. No repairman was good enough for you. You had to be the one to decide if it was repairable or not!

Even to this day, no plumber, electrician, mason can work in my house, unless he has been given exact instructions by you. I think it is a boon for me. Your immense interest in perfection in the sphere that you know very well, is really appreciated. I know, I grumble, but in my heart of hearts, I DO appreciate it.

For me, life has been good with you. Even if you are surprised by this statement, remember, truth is stranger than fiction!!

Thank you. Thanks for your patience, thanks for being the foil for my huge and bad temper.

I wish you a very happy birthday.

I wish we could replicate your birthday as it was celebrated by your parents. When Puris were piled up to your height and distributed to the poor. Your sisters staged plays for you. It must have been a gala event. Let your grand children become a bit bigger, then we will try to revive those days.

Till then, remember, you are a much loved nana and dada to Kunaal, Aaliya and Aaria. Little Aaria, looking at the laptop and asking for Dada...does it not make a shiver go down your spine? So much of love?? Kunaal loves playing with you. Remember those walks back from his school when you always bought a small White chocolate bar for him everyday? Aaliya, always asking, where's nana?

Enjoy your day. Have a great time. Have a great year. I wish you a lot of happiness, great health, lots of cheer, lots of slimming down, and lots and lots of money, money, money!!!

May all your dreams come true and all your wishes be fulfilled.

Thanks once again, Trilokinath for being what you are. For being who you are and always being there for me.

Christmas

This world is full of tricksters. We all have a mask on our face, all the time. Sometimes it is the happy face of Santa, who comes at Yule tide and brings a lot of happiness and joy on the face of children, the world over.

How eager is the face of a small child,wanting to know,where the carrots and milk and cookies for Santa and his reindeer should be kept, so that Santa sees it and has a feast when he comes to leave the Christmas presents. The anxiety, the planning, the waiting is such fun to watch. We who live in this real world with our complexities, need to see little kids with their major anticipation, and revel in the beautiful wonders of childhood.

Such a wonderful stage of life,where the whole world is beautiful, full of love and joy.

It was once upon a Christmas time....once again.

Lights, joy,and gifting time.

Enjoy the spirit of Christmas and spread warmth and cheer.

Live today, for no one has seen tomorrow.

Merry Christmas.

WORDS

"It's only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away " heard the song by Boyzone? They are not only words, they are the key to the survival of humankind.... Our species - the most vulnerable and easy prey for predators. The species which did not have four limbs to flee fast, nor the strength to use brute force, nor wings to fly, nor speed to run away. We were thus easy prey for larger, faster animals, and yet we survived and have developed ourselves beyond compare.

Words that we speak are so important. Language is a unique tool developed by human beings for communication. Human beings are the weakest species on earth. In the process of evolution as the world developed, the weaker species kept eliminating themselves, as they either got eaten up or perished as they could not fend for themselves. The Dodo, a bird found mainly in the island of Mauritius, could not fly. With the incoming of Europeans to Mauritius, dogs also got an entry into this island, as man's best friend. These intruders to the island found these birds which could not fly and ate them up. "As dead as a dodo"-heard that one?

Dinosaurs got eliminated, so did the mammoth. The Kiwi of New Zealand and the Tigers of India are already an endangered species and are on the verge of extinction. This is all a part of evolution and the theory of "Survival of the fittest". The basic instinct of "Fight or flight" keeps any species alive.

Human beings had certain traits which made them easy prey for larger and faster animals. They therefore honed certain skills which helped them to survive and take care of each other so that their species could survive.

The use of vocal chord was one unique and distinct trait that the human beings had. We developed the technic to modulate our voice, and express fear, or send out signals of warning and danger, to others of our kind, so that they could either fight or take flight. With this art of communication, we, the weakest species survived!

Human beings also had the advantage of having a limb which was different from all the other animals. We had a thumb which was facing our other four fingers, which gave us the advantage of having a grip. A grip which helped us to grasp an object, to hold and thus create a tool which could be used with force and power. No other animal including the chimpanzee have this unique advantage.

We could use these two advantages to help preserve our species from elimination. If we go back in time to the stone age, and try to visualise these two tools, we will be able to understand how great these two features were, which helped us reach where we are today.

Language and the words that we speak are so important in our life. We humans honed this skill and because of being able to communicate, laws of nature, theories of science, mathematical equations, computers, Internet and everything else developed. How important are W O R D S?! Ever thought of that? We only looked at words as ways of communicating our feelings? To hurt, humiliate, express love, write poems, create elegies and epitaphs and study? The elementary role of words for survival has long been forgotten.

Language evolved and although I have not made a detailed study of similar sounding words with similar meanings in different languages, by common observation I have gathered a few words, which would be interesting to read. This is just a sample of similar sounding words having the same meaning in two different languages.

Just read and be amazed.:-

Serial HINDI ENGLISH

1 Galti guilty

2. Idhar hither

3. Kaat cut

4. Khaat cot

5. baandhna bandanna

6. khaand candy

7. chitthhi chit

8. khichdi kedgeree

9. loot loot

10. shakkar sugar

11. baramda verandah

12. bangla bungalow

13. tipai teepoy

14. payjama pajama

15. biradar(i) brother

16. cheent chintz

17. kalantar calender

18. paanch punch

19. safar safari

20. shameez chemise(camisole)

21. daar(ghar-daar) door

22. phool flower

23. sipahi sepoy

24. behtar better

25. udhar other

26. ardali orderly

In everyday use I found how fascinating is this journey of mankind to preserve our species. Language our biggest tool which was developed to simply warn another of our kind about imminent danger, has brought us where we are today. The most advanced, resourceful, and also the unkindest species in the world. We are the only species which" kills for pleasure". All the others kill as they have the "need to kill". I leave you with these thoughts to ponder over. This is all that I have to say today.

Before I leave you today, one question, "Do you know the origin of the word Dewan?"

They were the financiers to the erstwhile rulers of this country, and they used to have two annas share in the sixteen annas(Rupee one) revenue of the King. Two annas are do anna or duanni, which colloquially became dewan. Simply as those living next to the nahar(canal) were referred to as woh Nehrwale and so on and so forth, ultimately becoming Nehru.

I have to thank Ujjwal, my brother for most of the theory matter written above. Words and language are mine.

More later, when I find the correct w. o. r. d. s to communicate!!!!

MY DAUGHTER

It was a full moon night. The sky was as beautiful as one can imagine it would be in the month of December, when winter is setting in on a full moon night. My very pretty daughter was born on such a night. The date was the first, the moon was up, shining, bright and beautiful, with a clear blue sky and a golden-ish moon. My daughter had to be born with all those characteristics. A round face, bright, cheerful, with the most arresting smile ever. She was called the Smiling captain in her school!!

Daughters are always a mother's best friend. Oops, did I get it wrong?? You bet? I am usually never wrong, or rather I try to correct myself as soon as I make a mistake. Here I am not mistaken at all. A mother is usually a harassed person with the burden of the entire world on her shoulders. Isn't she the one who is responsible for all things to happen smoothly in the house? She has eyes at the back of her head and also on the sides of her head. Everyone asks the mother for everything, from helping in the homework, to relief from a hurt or pain or some imagined fear, or food or uniform or anything under the sky. The mother is also held responsible for everything that goes wrong with ANY member of the family.......anywhere!!

The one person who understands the pain of the mother, without any words being exchanged is that daughter-however small or big she may be. A daughter just looks, understands and sits next to her mother. Her silent presence is the balm which that lonely mother seeks-always. A daughter never fails her mother-she is usually the exact replica of her mother. She need not look like her mother, but in all other things the daughter will follow and ape her mother diligently. She is her mother's alter ego. Even if a mother and daughter do not get along very well and keep fighting all the time-still the mother's best friend is always her daughter.

A mother is able to confide all her miseries, sorrows, happiness and anecdotes with her daughter. Husbands usually have no time for frivolous behaviour and activities of their wives, but trust a daughter to be ever ready to see her mother recounting all her naughty experiences in life.

Both the mother and daughter love to indulge in pampering each other. There is a bonding which is inexplicable. It is unique. It is passing on the baton. Women have unique problems of dealing with the world, and a mother and daughter are able to relate and share these problems without any need for explanations.

My daughter has been my friend, confidant, support, conscience keeper. She has scolded me, fought with me, been impatient with me, whenever she felt that I was putting up with injustice. She has always tried to boost my ego by giving me correct feedback and pointing out things to me from her point of view. The problem with the rest of the world is that there is a lot of politeness, political correctness, diplomacy involved, and so often one receives complements where none is really due. A daughter does not mince her words. She is brutally frank and honest. This gives one the much needed impetus to improve and change.

My daughter looked after me when I was ill. She was my mother's life saviour at the age of three. My mother and she were alone in the house, when my mom suddenly had a dizzy spell and her blood pressure went down. Chaitali switched off the gas, rang up my father who was in office and told him what had happened. Dad came home and my mother could be taken to the hospital in time.

A daughter is always ready to help. With her arms flung around you, she is liberal with her show of affection. She cries with you, laughs with you, looks a bit like you, and hates to be told that she is like you. Nevertheless as you see yourself in your daughter, you enjoy the youthfulness of life once again with her. The joys of living become doubly rewarded with a daughter in your life.

Many Happy Returns of the DAY dear daughter. May you always be cheerful, happy, bubbling with life. May all your wishes be fulfilled. May your life always be as beautiful as you are. Be Happy and spread happiness.

Anurag, wait, your turn too will come. You know you ARE the best in the world!!

Jharna, of course, you are my daughter too.

OK Raj, I do understand what life is for you with my firebrand daughter. Never mind-All the BEST.

FAITH HEALERS & MIRACLES

I did it again!! I succeeded in injuring my foot once again. This seems to have become a sort of a routine happening. For no rhyme or reason I simply go and get hurt. It incapacitates me for at least 15 days at a stretch. It angers me and makes me rest. Resting is something which I never like to do. What exactly was it which made me feel that I cannot rest or should not rest? I really do not know.

When I was in St. Anne's Convent in Secunderabad (Andhra Pradesh), I was in the Boarding House. Every Sunday, we were required to rest in the afternoon. I was one person, who could never sleep. I would toss and turn and would wait for the time to get out of bed.

Getting out of bed in the morning has never been a problem for me. I love to wake up and start my day. I could never understand how people sleep during the day, almost everyday. Somehow for me time could never be wasted, and sleeping meant wasting time. My thinking has always been that daytime hours are meant to be used for working and night time is for resting and recuperating.

TNN, my husband loves the opposite. He loves to wake up late, loves to lie in bed and loves to sleep during the day-"if given a chance". He has a theory that there are two types of people-the Larks and the Owls. The nomenclature is self explanatory. I am the Lark and he is the owl.

Coming back to My Foot, literally it is making me take rest for long spells.

Recently, I simply slipped down a flight of spiral stairs, landed on my foot, hurt a tendon in my knee, and bruised myself in umpteen places in my arms and legs!!It was awful. It was a Saturday evening, so I refused to go to the Hospital as there would be only Emergency service. I could not bend my knee, or walk and was in great pain. Come Monday and off I went to Max Hospital. The Doctor saw me, and got the X-ray done. He advised that I get a brace which would incapacitate my leg, and straight jacket my knee for a week. The brace was to have dials and I would be able to control the movement. I was to contact the company and a representative would come and demonstrate the equipment to me at home. I was also to tell them who had referred me to them. Somehow, the idea did not appeal to me. It smacked of," I scratch your back, you scratch mine." The medical profession has totally lost its Hypocrites oath. It seems to be only business now. Am I sounding cynical?? Oh no!! But what to do???

Well, one week was over, of course without the braces, but with voluntary incapacitation. The knee was no better and the pain persisted. Another week went by. I came to know of a hakeem who works wonders with such problems. I gave it a shot as I believe in trying alternative cures. I went there early on Sunday morning. He is situated on the other end of Delhi, which meant a good 30 km away. He lives in a small place and every one knew him and his house. He took one look at my knee, the swelling, and scolded me for not taking my X-ray for him to see. Then he put some red thick oil on my knee, put cotton around the knee and calf and tied a tight bandage . He asked me not to remove it for a week and to keep my leg straight. It is now the 5th day and lo and behold, the pain has gone, and I am able to keep my leg down for small stretches without pain.

This reminded me of another such incident which happened about 25 years back. My father in law used to suffer from a lot of pain in his back. In spite of a lot of treatment at the PGI in Chandigarh, and physio therapy there was no relief. We came to know of a person who sat under a tree and cured such problems. My father in law was taken there, and the witch doctor, quack or faith healer, or whatever one wishes to call him, made the patient squat on the floor, gave a push with his foot on a particular spot. My father in law screamed in pain and then, what do we see? The pain had gone, was kaput, vamoosed, disappeared!!!

My niece who referred me to my latest hakeem was suffering from pain in the knee. She saw seven Orthopaedics who all recommended surgery to set right the problem. Not wanting to go in for surgery she went to the hakeem for treatment. He treated her and she was able to walk without the surgery within a week. She and her family have great faith in this person. And why not?

Miraculous? Yes it is indeed and I am amazed!!

I wonder if it is only faith healing, or time has helped, or the power of his oil, or all three things together??

Whatever, I will surely think twice before hurting my foot :)).

I will think three times before going to a Doctor.

INDIRA GANDHI-ELEGANCE PERSONIFIED

19th November, has special significance for me. It was the date when Indira Priyadarshini Gandhi nee Nehru was born. I used to be a big fan of Indira Gandhi, our Prime Minister from 1966 to 31st October 1984, when she was assassinated by her own Security Guards.

I admired her for a lot of things. Her beauty, grace, courage, style, posture, attitude were exquisite. Her firmness and no nonsense attitude stood out quite prominently, just like her nose, which was so very Kashmiri.

When she went to the people, she was the picture of dignity in her elegant sarees. These always appeared to be hand spun or hand woven. They looked good on her. When she went abroad, she looked so very dignified and graceful. Her sarees in the international forum were always exquisite. They were usually silk with beautiful borders. Her hair also looked different. She always looked at ease and seemed to be in control of the situation. It never seemed as if she was in awe of anyone of the World leaders with whom she interacted.

The young Indira lived alone for long spells as her parents were often in jail. Her father the dynamic Jawaharlal Nehru tried to keep in touch with her and educate her through letters, which were published as "Letters from a Father to his Daughter." Her mother died when she was 18. She studied at Oxford in England.

Being the daughter of a great statesman who was a great visionary, she grew up in the lap of politics. As a child she had organised a group of children called Vanar sena or Monkey Brigade.

She was lonely and appeared to be shy.

When her father was alive, she lived mostly under his shadow and was his Official hostess. Nehru was against nepotism, so while he was alive Indira never contested any Elections.Once her father died she was inducted into the Cabinet and given the portfolio of Minister of Information & Broadcasting, which was considered a relatively un- important ministry. People thought she could be made a puppet. Ram Manohar Lohia even called her "Gungi Gudia" or Dumb Doll.Instead of that what emerged was an extremely strong, competent,dynamic leader who controlled everything in the country. She was almost dictatorial and extremely powerful.

I thought she was very charming. I was very impressed by the way she conducted the governance of the country.

I have no comments or opinion about her political side of persona. I admired her outward appearance, her personality. I admired her having the wherewithal to govern this mighty India for such a long time, almost single handedly.

India is a country where women are treated with scant respect and where the girl child has to somehow survive. There are some pockets of people in certain states where baby girls are killed as soon as they are born. This is a country where having only daughters is considered a stigma, and many men marry a second time as they believe that having a son is extremely necessary and the wife is held responsible for not having a son.

I admired Indira Gandhi for being such a strong woman in this India, and showing that women had the competence to lead the country and take it to such heights. Her bold decisions to abolish the Privy Purse, and Nationalise Banks were really commendable. The Liberation of Bangladesh was another great feat. The Pokhran test which made India the world's youngest nuclear power in 1974 was also a big achievement.

She looked very Indian but ruled the country with an iron hand. She had a charisma, which very few people have. My salute to a most deserving woman leader who led from the front.

INDIAN MOTHERS IN THE WESTERN WORLD.

Indian women are really beautiful, gorgeous and graceful. I just watched a video of a dance performance by Jharna, my daughter in law(DIL) at Westford in USA. Watching that dance gave me goosebumps. I felt that way, because all these girls who performed have been living abroad, pursuing careers, looking after their homes and still carrying with them the torch of Indian heritage.

The sway, the rhythm and the utter grace with which they danced was a treat to watch. I felt very proud because one of the dancer's was my dear daughter in law. Indian girls will be Indian girls. However long they stay away from India, they will always remain Indian at heart. The culture that they grew up in, the music, dance, rhythm that they heard and saw is with them. The natural sway of their body remains with them.

The dance was a folk dance and the intrinsic beauty of folk came out beautifully in these urban girls living in the Western world. They amalgamate in the Western culture and also retain their truly Indian flavour. While working in office they are as the western work culture expects them to be, utterly professional and competitive. No one can decipher their soft and cultural binding. They appear so calm, collected, reserved and Western, as if they are the locals of the country where they work.

Once they get back home, they come back to their own Little India. They have their Festivals, their cultural get together, their niche where they nurture their Indianness. Hats off to these girls. In the Western world children are given freedom to think, grow and develop on their own. No restriction is put on them and they have the freedom to choose their career, live their life as they wish to, after the age of 16. In a free society where children are given options early in life, it must be very difficult for Indian girls to bring up their children in the way that they were brought up. In India we inculcate in our children the sense of belonging to a family, "khandan ka pressure". We put pressure on the children early in life to become something, study, pick up a career, make a life of their own. We teach children to respect elders, and also teach them that it is their responsibility to look after their parents in their old age.( Ahem! No hidden agenda here!!:)

In India our children have to listen to stories of how their forefathers studied and made a name for themselves etc etc. Our children therefore start competing very early in life. Right from Nursery class onwards, there is a competition for admission, which goes right up to a professional degree followed by an MBA. A child learns early in life that he has to study and compete. In the Western world competition is of a different nature. Choices are abundant, and no craft, career, or vocation is considered infra dig.

Having been brought up with this kind of value system, Indian girls who go to live abroad want their own children also to have the same value system and sense of importance of doing well academically. It therefore becomes necessary for them to teach their children a few things which are alien to the culture where their children are born and brought up.

I therefore congratulate our Indian girls who are able to maintain a correct balance and teach their children the importance of family as well as the art of respecting and listening to elders. I have seen a lot of girls leading a fulfilling life along with their demanding jobs, in spite of having no domestic help at home, bringing up children and also pursuing their hobbies by attending dance classes or singing lessons,or piano classes or even taking up post graduation studies. They also take their children to attend Hindi lessons, Indian Music, Indian dance classes besides the numerous other classes that children abroad generally attend. The amount of time available to each one of us is equal. It is 24 hours in a day for everyone. Yet how we distribute those 24 hours and make optimum use of it has to be seen to be believed.

I have observed Chaitali my daughter and Jharna my daughter in law very closely and marvel at their resolve to be the BEST in every sphere. The best in their work place and, the best mother to their children.

Our Indian girls are actually the best representatives of our country. They hold our values high, and teach their children that they are Indian and have to be achievers. The family ties and bonds are strong. The future of these children is bright. I do not see ABCD syndrome - American Born Confused Desi in these children. They appear to be quite balanced and happy as they are. They learn early in life that their skin colour is different, and that is all. They do not learn inferiority or superiority. They accept all kinds of people as equal. They learn some values at home, and get the best opportunity to study in the best environment. As there is little competition there is no pressure on these children to perform. They are therefore able to perform well without going through tension and stress. They therefore become outstanding people.

I say, it is all thanks to the parents who take the time to inculcate proper values, and devote time to drive the children to their various classes. Often parents have to fore go some comforts to educate their children in the best schools and also to enable the children to attend classes where they learn all these arts and other extra curricular activities. Hats off Indian parents of Desi children! I am partial to girls, so I am proud of Jharna, and Chaitali my children. I also am proud of and congratulate Anisha, Priti, Varija, Manjul, and Ketaki, whom I know and have observed closely.

Keep the flag flying high! Way to go Girls!!!

AT THE MERCY OF A COUNTER OFFICIAL

Having an account with The State Bank of India could be one of the worst decisions of life. I had no hand in opening and maintaining my account with them. I just happened to be employed with this great Bank. They employed me as a Probationary Officer in the year 1975. I was one of the 250 people who were employed as such. By virtue of being their employee, I had to open my account there. After having this account since then, I am loathe to go elsewhere. In fact after my taking retirement after 30 years of service, I am still required to maintain my account with them to get my pension.

For 30 years, while working at the bank, I had no problem in getting the best service, as I had sufficient clout, position etc. etc. As a Retired Officer of the bank, I still get excellent service from the Branch Manager, where I maintain my account. Maybe my rapport with him, is good enough for him. Other than him, very few people in the Branch know me, although frankly, I have a good amount of deposit with them, and the Branch is not a huge one.

There was a time when the employees of the Branch used to maintain rapport with their customers and recognise their customers. There is such a dearth of human factor in The State Bank of India that one feels sad, rejected, disappointed and sore for still being a customer of this bank, which once upon a time was a great Institution. How proud was I to work here!! Today entering the Branch in my neighbourhood is an ordeal. If the BM is not there, or one wants to transact one's business in due course, one comes back with the feeling of total dejection.

I had gone to give my Life Certificate today. I waited in the line for my turn. I was third in the line. A customer came asking where he was supposed to give his application for withdrawal from PPF. Not a single person disdained to answer him. The customer asked at least 3 times. Then the Official at the counter said, "Please wait in line." The Customer again asked if he was to give his application at that counter? No reply again. The customer then said, "You will make me wait at the counter, then when my turn comes, you will say that I have to go to another counter. I was waiting for the last 1 hour at another counter, from where they have told me to go in this direction. " Again there was no reply from the Official at the desk. Seeing the plight and rising temper level of the customer, I said,"This is the counter where your problem will be dealt with, so please wait."

We were all waiting for our turn, when the official, very sweetly turned to me and said, "Madam, you will have to wait. I will attend to this customer first." I didn't know the reason for this break in line, but I simply said, "Your wish. I think I will come back some other day."

Having said that I left the Branch and came home. Since then I have been thinking about this sort of behaviour of the official at the counter as well as my own reaction. I am a customer like any other. I was waiting in the queue. I did not ask for special treatment or out of turn attention. Why was I then asked to wait and give up my turn?

I also could not understand why I left the Branch without giving my Life Certificate. Why should I go again on some other day? Why should I again wait in the Queue? Will I again get this treatment ? Now I feel that there is only one remedy for me. I should remove my deposit from this Bank and take it somewhere else where they will give me my due respect. Where they will recognise me as a customer. Where I need not have to go straight to the BM.

I need to maintain my account with SBI only so that I get my pension, then I need not go to the Branch except once a year to give my Life Certificate in November.

Sad that in this huge Institution, with its humongous size, number of employees, excellent spread in every metro, city, town and village, the employees of the Bank have lost their sense of being human beings. In this competitive world where excellent service should be given to each customer, The State Bank of India has obviously lost it's sight of the Customer, who are the real reason for their very existence. What is a Bank without its customers? Without us what will the employees do?

All those who are working today, will retire tomorrow. You may get service from those who remember you for a few years, what after that? Is it not imperative that we build up a sense of duty, in the employees. Perhaps at every branch the importance of the customer needs to be re emphasized regularly. Memory is short and until some issues are repeated and reminded, those who for all their lives have thought of customers as a nuisance, will not be able to focus properly on the importance of this nuisance for their existence.

This Bank gave me a lot in 30 years. I saved, built my house, bought my car, educated my children. I still feel loyal and grateful. I therefore am writing as it pains me to see the attitude of the employees. Attitude of employees and the treatment that a customer gets from the person behind the desk is of utmost importance. No customer wants to waste time, neither his own nor the officials. If only proper signage are displayed which will tell a customer which desk to go to for specific work, there would be less heart burning and need for answering questions from the lost customers. Single window concept is all very good in theory, in practice it seems to exist nowhere.

THREE YEARS SINCE...

Once upon a time 4th of November was just another day. The year 2006 changed it for me, forever. Last year I travelled from Boston to London on this day. Year before last I was in Delhi, and it was a function organised in memory of my father who had died just a year back. The year before that I was in London enjoying fireworks at Streatham Common-an annual event for Guy Fawkes night. The fireworks display was very beautiful, spectacular, dazzling, and absolutely out of this world!! Was it the herald of something great passing by? When a spectacular event takes place in the starry skies, the beauty of the sky is a treat to see. Was that dazzling breath taking fireworks the signal to me that an era of my life was ending? The most benevolent, caring, loving, considerate, friend, philosopher and guide of my life was going away. Was this his way of saying goodbye? Did he always want me to remember him as that spectacular show of brilliance, the light in the dark sky? He was the beacon which illuminated my way. His brilliance shone through every darkness in the world. Would the darkness of ignorance, disappear with his spectacular fireworks? What was it daddy, why was I given this opportunity to always remember your last day on this earth with this vision of a spectacular show for everyone to see?

Today, I have completed three years of my life without the help, support and guidance of my father. I was told, time heals. I know better. Time does not heal. It only allows you to manage to move on. Even if you remain stationary, the earth moves and along with the earth, we also move on. Healing is difficult, forgetting is impossible. Nothing heals, we only accept change and try to move on.

BRINGING UP CHILDREN-TOUGH JOB!!

In today's day and age, bringing up children, is a very difficult task. Everyone now respects individuality, and knows of the concept of personal space. Families have become nuclear and value systems have changed rapidly. The entire spectrum of society is changing way too fast. It therefore becomes very difficult to decide which modus operandi to adopt to bring up children.

In olden times, children were supposed to be seen and not heard. The lord and master of the house, oops, I mean the head of the family, was indeed the lord and master of the house. His wife and children were like his chattel. His children were not allowed to disturb him, or encroach upon his time. There was no concept of sharing quality time, and there was no involvement of the father in bringing up the children. That was all the domain and total responsibility of the mother.

Things have since changed, fathers have become more humane and they have even started getting emotional. They too are now allowed to cry and express their emotions. They have been allowed the boon to be able to interact with their children. So much so that due to the advent of the nuclear family and employment of women outside their homes, men have become partners in bringing up their children.

With the modern era and freedom of expression, it is now recognised that children too have rights and parents cannot decide their future. Parents have started thinking that while they can guide their children and provide them with every facility that the child may require, the sense of duty that needs to have been taught to the children has gone missing. The children have therefore started taking everything for granted. They expect that all their wishes, and needs would be taken care of. However as they have never been told that with rights, duties are a corollary, they never dream that they too have a responsibility. They have a responsibility towards the provider of all these luxuries of life. This thought is far far away from their wildest dreams.

Freedom that has been given to the children has therefore been misused. Parents today, I observe are often scared to talk to their children. They are unable to control their children, and they cannot question the children or lay down any rules. In olden days, parents laid down the rules of behaviour. Children had to wake up on time, they had to perform a few duties pertaining to the house as was entrusted to them. Children were expected to eat whatever was cooked for the whole family. Food time was specific, there was no choice given to members of the family to eat as and when they pleased. There was also no choice given as to the food that they wanted to eat. The menu was decided and every family member partook of the food. Today I find children are given a choice. Forget given a choice, children dictate what they want to eat. Parents relent and children get whatever they want to eat, even if they are aware that the nutritional value of the food is not sufficient. This also results in the new problem of obesity and ill health. Health of the children is suffering, as parents have very little say in their diet as well as their pattern of life.

Earlier children used to play and exercise. It was expected that children would go out to play in the evening. That built up a strong community feeling as well as a good neighbourhood. In fact parents were often called, "so and so's papa or mummy". The child was better known in the neighborhood than the parents.Today that camaraderie also is absent. Children do not play outside. Exercise too is limited. They play their PSP or Wii or some such indoor game, where movement or moving out in the open air is totally avoidable. During vacations and holidays children are allowed to sleep late and there is no discipline what so ever. The reason for all this is the diminishing authority of the parents. In most households both parents work, therefore children are left in the care of others or servants. Grandparents live elsewhere, as joint family system has almost vanished. The parents therefore develop a sense of guilt, as they feel that they are not giving all that they should be giving to their children. They feel that they are depriving their children of their valuable time. It is basically the sense of guilt which makes parents indulge in the whims and fancies of their children. Children are very shrewd. They are able to extract the maximum from these distraught, guilty parents. It may sound rather mean the way I put it, but it is a fact that children are able to often play one parent against the other, or play on the emotions of a parent who has to be away for long hours due to office work. It does not mean that children do not miss the parents and are only extracting benefits. They do suffer, they do miss. Often at the time of their need the parent is missing. This feeling is enough to make the parent feel guilty enough to give in to unreasonable demands.

This sort of indiscipline results in a failed family. This guilt feeling of the parents result inversely in more ways than one. Children often go way ward. Lacking direction, being able to get the maximum out of their parents, children who are at a vulnerable stage of life take wrong decisions. Children have open minds which are waiting to be moulded. Giving them freedom to chose from the many options in life without understanding the implications of each decision is not correct. Impressionable minds get easily swayed by glamour, small time success stories, and wrong manifestations of what seems to be bright.

I have observed that those parents who have been strict with their children and not relented with freedom of thought, expression and indiscipline have children who are well placed in society. These children have secure jobs and are responsible citizens. All said and done having a good earning capacity, having a secure job, having a future to look forward to, is what youth is all about. It is nice to talk of idealism, freedom of thought, and freedom to chose how to lead their life. In real life, a young person has to have a proper future planning or else he doesn't know what to do with the time at hand. Most people have to think about their own self, their future, health, old age and so on and so forth. Children must therefore be given proper guidance. They must be told of what is expected of them. They must also know that life is not a bed of roses. It has to be made a bed of roses.

In ancient Indian philosophy it is said that human life span can be divided into 4 phases.For the 1st 25 years it is a time for learning, then time for entering into the family life, then time for retirement and then to become a recluse. Right from day one if I teach my child not to work hard but to take life easy and take his own decisions, the child is bound to take wrong decisions. Every age and stage of life offers different teaching experiences, which must be learnt at the right time.

Discipline of the family, respect for parents, gratitude for whatever opportunity is given to them will make better adults of children of today. They will learn to value their freedom as well as learn to take on responsibility along with the many privileges that they get from their families. Duties, expectations and responsibility must be known to the child, just as well as they know how to demand and get their wishes fulfilled. They should realise that life is a two way traffic where every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

FLEETING TIME

Time has this unique quality of going, even before one realises -the moment is lost. It is fleeting and it actually waits for no man.

Yet, how we are capable of frittering away time. Those moments lost in sulking, grumbling, feeling sorry for oneself. Those moments spent in self pity, anger, resentment go away as quickly as those happy moments spent with a loved one. All that remains are memories - memories where we re- live our past. Those happy moments keep coming back to us and remind us that the time that has gone was really good. Was it? Or is it just the memory of that moment which is good?

Every moment, every breath that we take is good. Every day is bright and beautiful, it is what we make of the day and how we spend the day that makes our memories sweet or sad.

Even if the day looks gloomy, dark and dismal, does the smile of a little baby not make the day bright and beautiful? We remember the laughter and the time spent with the little baby and not the dark and dismal day. The weather is of least importance when we are happy and love the company that we have. Yet, how often do we look out and grumble that the day is looking so dismal. That sets our tone for the day. If we start the day fresh, happily and cheerfully we will be happy that we have another day to spend as we want to spend it. The day is free. It is for us to make the most of it. We can create memories , live joyfully, spread cheer and warmth.

Why that grumpy face? Why that sitting in a corner, why should we not enjoy the joy of living? If we share what we have, whatever we have, goodness, kindness, smiles, they all come back magnified manifold. They are returned to us expanded.

Sitting in a corner all by myself, I will remain aloof and alone, as no one will want to enter my private zone of melancholy and solitude that I have chosen. If I am happy my happiness will draw people to me.

Spread cheer, friendship, compassion and see the spread of joy. Life is too short for petty bitterness and misunderstandings. Clear the path as you go. Clear doubts, speak up and remove all cobwebs. Let life go by happily. Let us make the world a better place, not a bitter place.

Let us live today - happily and leave memories for posterity.

Aadarsh- 1st Birthday

Aadarsh

You little boy with the most beautiful smile.

You enchant people with your countenance,

No one who sees you can remain aloof from you,

You have the patience to wait and then call out,

To the person who is not talking to you,

Murarilal? Yes indeed you are like Anand in the film Anand.

That person in the lift,

That stranger on the road,

That person too busy with himself,

Avoiding looking at you,

Can they be allowed to go away,without being greeted by you?

Impossible...

You have to make contact,

You have to call out,

Didn't Daddy always do that?

Didn't he always want to connect with the poorest of the poor,

That person sitting alone,

That person on the street,

That person who did not repay his kindness,

That person who was ungrateful,

That one who pestered him for help,but did not stop by to say thank you,

Are you going to have this trait?

Will you befriend people justlike that,

Go out of your way to help people,

Not expect a thank you or gratitude,

Just spread happiness?

If that is all you want to do,then,

Go on take the legacy forward,

That was the wealth that my dad had,

That is your heritage,

That is what you have received in inheritance.

Move forward little bundle of joy,

your shoulders are strong,

your smile is mesmerising,

your face is brilliant,and,

Your future is enlightened.