A BIRTHDAY IS A SPECIAL DAY.

The year was 1999. I was posted in the Vasant Vihar  branch of the State Bank of India as Chief Manager. We were looking for a suitable match for my son who was off and on out of the country. I met Rita Madan who walked into my Office one day and asked if I had some  time to spare. She and her husband were valuable account holders of my Branch and so I found time for her. We became acquaintances.

Later they visited my house where Rita came wearing a saree which was identical to one of my own favorite saree. I was a bit surprised to see the similarity of our taste. Over the  years of knowing Rita, we discovered that both of us owned at least two more identical sarees.

We soon became friends. On a short visit to India, Anurag agreed to meet a few girls. Chaitali my daughter and Raja my son in law who live in London, decided to fly down and spend a week with the family. Rita met my daughter and liked her so much that it was decided that Jharna would become my daughter in law.

The roka ceremony was arranged without losing much time as my children were in Delhi just for a week. This is a ceremony amongst Punjabis where some rituals are carried out formally to announce the   betrothal of a boy and girl. The function was arranged at super speed, and yet it was a fascinating and fabulous function arranged with a lot of grace, élan  and sophistication. 

The wedding was after about five months. 

Rita and I got along very well and became more friends than relatives. Rita would never call me Varsha, it was always Varshaji, so I had to per force call her Ritaji. She was the life of every get together. She was a picture of perfect poise, sophistication and grace. She was always very well dressed with matching jewelry. She introduced me to her family jeweler and also a Kashmiri shawl person who was an exporter. Both these people held her in high esteem as she was a discerning shopper. 

One would never have realized how deeply rooted in tradition she was until one had the chance to see her following traditions meticulously. Every Lohri, Holi, Karwa Chauth and Diwali there was a visit made by her to my house, with a basket full of traditional goodies. She refused to hear my pleas that this ritual was not needed. She would never allow me to protest and would always silence me. I also learnt to take this in my stride and accepted that this feature of Rita would not stop, come what may. She loved to follow these rituals.

In spite of these formalities I did become her friend, confidant and advisor. 

In 2005 December, we came to know that Rita had cancer. She went through the treatment, got chemo and recovered. After that her life became very regulated and her food, liquid intake, life style became totally controlled and regulated. She and her devoted husband started taking Yoga lessons too.

When Aaria our grand daughter was born, all of us were together at Nashua. We would cook together and clean up together. It was a good time that we shared together. We all went out for a walk in the evening, where each one of us walked  at our own pace. 

We  were together again when Aaria's first birthday was celebrated. Jharna had organized a professional photo session of the entire family, followed by a great party. Rita had brought beautiful dresses for Jharna, Chaitali and Aaliya, Chaitali's daughter. Rita also brought identical sarees for her and me to wear on this occasion.

Time passed by and everything seemed under control until once again cancer struck  just before Diwali of 2012. Treatment started, it was a journey back and forth to the hospital for tests, scans, more tests, chemo and radiation. Doctors in USA were also consulted and the best treatment was being given. It was a very trying time borne very patiently by Rita and her family.

Her two devoted daughters Sujata and Jharna living in Canada and USA respectively, took time off and tried to be with Rita as much as possible. They took turns and were in India looking after their precious mother and being a support for their father.

The entire year of 2013 went past in a frenzy of journeys back and forth over the continents. Both the girls tried their best and looked after their parents. It speaks very well about the person that Rita was, who brought up her daughters so well that they both turned out to be very devoted, patient, caring persons.

Cancer is a terrible disease. The entire family of a person with cancer gets affected and scarred. It is extremely painful and sad to see the deterioration that sets in, where in spite of the most modern medical treatment, best possible care, and advancement of science, nothing improves. 

Rita left us on the 2nd of March this year after putting up a very very brave fight. 

The persona that she was lives on in our memory. She was a very social person and lived a very active life. She loved to attend the India Today Conclave every year and was always sure to ask a question of one of the prominent speakers. I remember she had asked Shahrukh Khan if he actually used the products that he endorsed.  She was associated with the charity organization of India Today and was a Voluntary Librarian at the Tihar Jail which she visited twice a week. She was a prominent Office Bearer of the Anand Niketan Club and was also the Treasurer of the Anand Niketan Residents Welfare Association. She was a very popular person and today I see the same qualities in her younger daughter Jharna, who is my daughter in law. 
My brother Sunil Uke ran for Rita in two Marathons supporting cancer research and my daughter Chaitali cycled for a 100 miles in one night raising funds in support of Cancer research in London, in memory of Rita.

Rita is missed tremendously. The void left by her will never be filled. Yet life has to be carried on by those who are left behind. I can only tell Sujata and Jharna, "Please be happy that Rita was your mother. She taught you well, guided you well, was your true friend, philosopher and guide. She has left you both with all the qualities that she had. She has also taught you to face life with fortitude and courage.

Today on your birthday Jharna, do not lament for her. Be proud of being the daughter of a very beautiful, sophisticated, cultured, socially aware and truly grounded woman. Rejoice that she taught you all that you know today. She was your external strength always and is now within you as your anchor, guide and internal strength. Parents leave this world but their memories and teachings live with us forever.

Have a very happy Birthday Jharna. For a mother, the birthdays of her children are the most important days of her life. Your mother always loved this day…remember?"   

THE CHICKEN IS FINE...

Happiness is a rare feeling which can only be experienced by those who wish to be happy. Seasons may come and seasons may go but those who do not wish to appreciate them will just take them in their stride. Comforts of life may never be experienced if we accept them as part of the package deal and simply pass them as they come. Beauty actually lies in the eyes of the beholder. Unless one learns to be amazed everyday, the beautiful sunrise and the grand finale of the day as the sun sets majestically in the west, will never cheer you up, as the grand spectacle may appear  mundane, regular and routine.

Appreciation of beauty, nature, the comfort of a happy home can never be experienced by people who accept everything as it comes without an appreciation. 

Appreciating everything, being thankful for small mercies, is perhaps an art that needs to be inculcated. I spent almost all of my student life from the age of five onwards in boarding houses all over the country as my father was in a transferrable job and was posted in dam projects and collieries, while India was still developing in the 50's. In a boarding house there was strict discipline in everything. One thing that I learnt in all these years was to appreciate everything that I got. Before every meal we said a small prayer, being thankful for what we got to eat. We could not waste, as there were many who did not get anything to eat. We were taught to take only that much that we could finish and not be a glutton.

I learnt to be appreciative of whatever food I got, tasty, bad or worse. Food was food which I needed to eat to grow.

Every day began with a wish of Good Morning. Every day ended with a wish of a Good Night and Sweet Dreams. Life was all about wishing for everything good, being happy, appreciative and thankful.

Now, when I come across people who can only grumble about everything, I am amazed. I  think that this is such a waste of a life. When all that one can see is a dark cloud, a boring and dull day, a too hot day, or a too cold day, I wonder how this person will ever be able to appreciate that the dark clouds bring rain which is so useful. A sunny day is a beautiful day, a cold day is another beautiful day. What can I do to make my dull and boring day better, to cool myself on a hot day and keep myself warm in a cool day is a question I need to ask myself. I love wet and drab days as I can walk out in the rain, drench myself and wear the most colorful clothes which I possess. I love the raindrops on my face.

On a hot summer day I can wear my beautiful summery lemony colored clothes and sandals and in winter wear those huge chunky sweaters and mufflers and feel like a film star on a locale at Srinagar or Switzerland. 

Those who can only see the darker side of life can only feel grumpy, angry and dissatisfied. A permanent scowl on their face makes them look for darker sides of everything. Every good gesture of another is looked at with circumspection. Why did that passer by smile at me? Do I know him? They can never see that perhaps a smile was being passed on to him to pass it on and make the world a more smiley place.

One meets all kinds of people everyday. Some are happy, some are grumpy, some are angry, some are sad and some are dejected. One also sees a lot of happy children running, skipping and jumping around. They are the ones who are always happy with life. I have seen little beggars on the traffic lights of Delhi, skipping about, jumping into rain puddles and laughing as if they owned the world. Children are children, rich or poor.

I wish all the grumpy people of the world would shed their mantle of sorrow, unhappiness, impatience and fault finding, and see the world as it is. Beautiful, bountiful, colorful, magnificent. 

Look at the world with open eyes. Enjoy the world as it is. Be true to yourself and the world will appear better. 

There are some who measure everything in terms of passable or not acceptable. For them a chicken dish cooked with a lot of patience, hard work, labour and love  is just , "Oh the chicken is fine."

 It is never "Oh how delicious/ fantastic/ fabulous/ tasty. I know they are a lot of adjectives, but then these adjectives add to the spice of life. Don't they? Life is not about Quality control, it is about living, enjoying, appreciating and encouraging.

What do you think? The chicken lost its life, the cook worked hard to make a tasty dish and the master just said, "Oh the chicken is fine". My question is "Who paid the fine?"

A DAY OF CELEBRATION FOR ME

N G Uke, Kamal Uke seated.
Meena, Sunil Uke, Tanya, T N Nagpal, Archana, Ujjwal Uke 

 8th August was always a day of joy and celebration in our house. It was my father's birthday. Today he would have been 90 years old.

I and daddy

I remember ten years ago, on his 80th birthday all of us in the family had gone to the Intercontinental in Delhi for dinner. It's only ten years ago, but somehow it seems like ages, since we were all together. 

He used to really enjoy all the attention and pampering that he got from his children and grand children.

 That day there was a giant sized birthday card which all of us had signed.

He would literally dance and have fun on his birthday. Right from 0000 hours midnight when he would keep his landline as well as his mobile next to him as he expected his telephone calls starting then. Chaitali my daughter was always the first one to call on the dot. She never failed, although she lives in London.

That was the day when he would sleep well past midnight.

He had that child within him which allowed him to spread a lot of cheer and happiness to all.

Daddy with Chaitali my daughter 

In the evening there had to be cake and samosas and gulab jamun followed by dinner which would always be special, with the entire family in Delhi joining.

Daddy with Anurag my son

All his grand children doted on him, just as he doted on them. He had been a very strict father but was an indulgent grand father.

He was born in a  a very small village in the most backward District of Gadchiroli in Maharshtra. His father was a wise but illiterate  farmer. Narayan asked to be educated up to the 8th class and beyond that he would manage himself, was his declaration. 

My father's house in Kurul, the one which is tallest.

Patwardhan High School in Nagpur, College of Science in Nagpur, Battersea Polytechnic in London were all the places where he studied by obtaining Government of India Scholarships. He had stood First in the District in Matriculation. He was a brilliant scholar.

He was a person of extreme integrity and refused to ever tell a lie. He never pandered to his bosses and in the beginning of his career called people by the first name as was the practice in London from where he had obtained his Engineering degree. Calling anyone Sir, bowing down to their wishes, following orders without a word was alien to him. He would always  discuss and put forth his view point. In fact when he was Director in the Ministry of Defence Production he had stood up to put his view point infront of the Prime Minister Mrs. Indira Gandhi who was chairing an important meeting on Defence. His point was accepted.

He had taught us two very important practices in life.

One was to always put things back where they belonged. He said, "If something is not in it's right place then that thing is Kachchra, or waste material". That taught me to be very meticulous, tidy and always putting things back where they belonged. In fact my brother Sunil Uke is also a chip of the block. Once while visiting Sunil in Tanzania where he was then posted, I put the salt cellars back in their place. Sunil who is my younger brother called me back and said, "Varsha, the face of the salt cellar should be turned this way". 

As a child I was not fond of eating and would often say that I didn't want to eat. Daddy always said, "Varsha, you have to eat, it is a necessary evil". We therefore always ate and always at a set time all together. My brothers were told, go wherever you want to in the evening but, "On the table at 8.30 pm" There was strict discipline in our house and everyone was summoned with the ring of a small gong at the house.

It was fun, it was not harsh, as we all had much fun and sharing of thoughts and days events together at the table.

I remember my daddy with a lot of pride and joy. We Varsha, Sunil and Ujjwal were privileged to have N G Uke as our father. All of us learnt a lot from you and have turned out to be excellent people. Miss you daddy, most of all today, when we would sing Happy Birthday and you would dance to our tune.

Raja Hireker, N G Uke & Ujjwal Uke