TO MY DAUGHTER & MY MOTHER

FOUR GENERATIONS.

Daughters are those, who live in your heart,

They are those who are you outside of you,

They try desperately not to be like you,

Yet they simply take on all your traits absent mindedly,

The more you see them,

Being your exact replica,

You wish she was different,

She wishes it too.

A daughter is exclusive,

She understands your pain and anguish,

A daughter sees through your fake laughter,

She wipes your tears with unseen hands,

She cries for you without shedding a tear,

A daughter is proud, of course she is beautiful,

She is your replica, isn't it true?

You simply live your youth once again.

You cannot help loving yourself, can you?

The younger version of you,

More beautiful,

More thoughtful,

More patient,

Trying desperately not to be like you...

Girls will be girls! 

I am preaching, but from my heart!

ALONE !

Each person in this world is an island by himself. We all live alone, all by ourselves. Throughout life we  keep building up relationships. Parents, siblings, spouse, children...everyone relates to the other and lives within these boundaries.

In spite of this we are all alone. Our thoughts, desires, hopes, aspirations, are totally individualistic. What hurts us, what makes us feel humiliated is also different One mans meat is another man's poison.

What we like to eat, how we like to sleep, how we want to spend our free time is all our own. We are all lonely people who try to maintain peace and harmony at home so that we can combat our loneliness. We therefore give in to anothers demands, advice and solicitations.

CO EXISTENCE MOUNTAIN, HOUSE, TREES!

We simply go on accommodating every one else. Trying to keep up with the Joneses, trying one up man ship  Trying and simply trying some more.

Ultimately do we really get any peace and happiness? None of us can live devoid of company, yet even surrounded by everyone else too, often life is lived in solitude. It is quite a lonely existence. A child waiting for endless domestic quarrels to end, a wife waiting for her tormentor of a husband to leave her in peace, an old mother waiting for a word with her son, a distraught husband trying very hard to keep peace with his acid tongued wife. Loneliness, engulfs everyone. Each one is fighting a battle every day.

Why is there so much strife, discontent,ego? Why is there the endless effort to blame someone else for all your mistakes?

We take life so much for granted, we take our beloved people so much for granted, that it is only when some disaster strikes that we realize that there are many more dangers lurking in our life. There are many more problems that can make our world go topsy turvy. We fight over senseless things like a car honking behind us, at the fellow who pushes us out of the queue, at the maid servant who was absent without notice. We fret, fume and spill venom through our tongue. I wonder if that takes us anywhere. We only spoil our own day further. We build up our anxiety level, build up our blood pressure and spoil our health. Can we not live in peace? Accept that each one of us is different. Each has their own likes and dislikes, each one has their own space, which must not be violated.

CO EXISTENCE -RAIL, ROAD, TREES, MOUNTAINS

Let us live in harmony. Loneliness exists even in a relationship. Therefore keeping up the dialogue, but also allowing our own family members the freedom to choose what they want is important. To live life as they want, live harmoniously with some give and take, respect and consideration for the others. A kind thought and sensitivity to the emotional needs of the others. 

Tolerance, acceptance, adjustments are not mere words. They are very important actions that need to be made a practice in our life.

GENERATION GAP!

1968

When I was young, oops! What was I saying? Did I just admit that  I am old? Oh my gosh, I can never accept that, can I? NEVER!

So, when I was younger than what I am now, I always thought that I, or the people of my generation would not have a generation gap with our younger generation. We, after all were the generation of the Flower power, the Hippie cult, the free birds who were born in a free India. Most of us had emerged out of the so called old fashioned pattern of girls being educated only to be ready for the marriage market. Then, the ultimate target of a girl's father was to find a suitable groom and get the girl married off. The kanya daan was considered the biggest daan of all. Our generation broke free from that mould, a lot of us competed and joined different services. Kiran Bedi was the first woman who entered the hallowed male dominated precincts of the Indian Police Service. The State Bank of India too opened its doors wide for girls to join the service as Probationary Officers. We were few in numbers yet we had come out and were all out to conquer the world.

The home fires had to keep burning, the quintessential mother in law who was of the older generation said quite openly, "I never asked her to work. Her main duty is to look after her house, family and children". So this radical daughter in law would become a good bahu at home and a good worker at her work place. At work we had to compete and prove that we were as good as the men. All of us made a grand success of both our responsibilities. Yes, I have proof that we all succeeded. I therefore thought that we the fighters, rebels, liberated leaders, would never have the problem of generation gap. 

This thought lasted until one fine day a friend of mine said to me that she felt very frustrated because she couldn't understand anything about the Internet, Facebook, e- mail, or Skype. She said that she felt like an illiterate person because she simply could not grasp these and kept forgetting the steps.  It then dawned on me that the world is progressing at a very rapid pace, and technology is moving very fast. Everyday there is a new thing coming up, and a new term is added to the vocabulary. 

LEARN, LEARN & LEARN

My grand children are experts at handling all the latest gadgets and often find a solution when I get foxed somewhere. I remember when I was small and when my father asked me to fetch his watch, I would be careful to hold it properly and hand it to him. When my children were small I would not allow them to play with the Tape Recorder or Music system. We kept them in glass cases. Now my children hand over their mobile phones to their children to play with. The grand kids have their own smart phones and I- pads too! In the beginning I did worry about the expensive gadget going to small little hands but then I realised that the parents trust their children. The children too handle the equipment properly. Amazing, isn't it?

This to my mind is the present day generation gap. Our generation was worried and too cautious.  We did not trust our children. We wanted to keep them sheltered and shielded. We guided them everywhere. We knew all their friends, we helped them choose their careers as well as their spouses. The newest generation on the other hand is very clear about what they want from life. What career would they want. Which friends they want, which games they wish to play and how they want to remain fit. 

Our Generation gap is all about  our trust. We still want to guide our children. We still raise doubts about our grand children being wise enough to take decisions on their own. We worry and think that we should be consulted, because we have wisdom gained with age on our side. But when I see the wisdom that my grand children have and the way their mind explores new fangled ideas, I think I have to take a back seat and allow them to take wings. Allow them to soar the skies. Allow myself the luxury of believing and knowing that they are safe because they know how to be safe. That reminds me last year my four year old grand daughter said to me," Dadi put on your seat belt. We have to be safe". With this kind of wisdom at such a young age, I think I can sit back and relax. I need to just enjoy the thought that we  equipped our children with proper education and they are in turn equipping their children with more opportunities to explore. I allowed my children some freedom and they are allowing their children some more freedom. 

Freedom to think, explore, question and take their own decisions. 

This generation gap I think can be bridged if we open our minds and understand that life is all about learning. There is no age to stop learning and so one can never sit down smugly thinking that we have seen the world and so  know what is best. We have to trust the new generation. We need to accept that to remain abreast with the present times we have to continue with our learning. With the younger generation becoming our teachers the gap is sure to become quite narrow.

2013

MERGERS ON EARTH!

DEMURE

Marriages are made in heaven they say. Where is that heaven I ask?

Do these people sitting in heaven have nothing better to do than to place two happy people in the world together and watch the ensuing tamasha? They watch gleefully as these two strangers try to know each other, adjust with each other, discover that they are as different as chalk and cheese, but have been thrown in together in the ring to live the rest of their lives "happily"

Hmmm, somebody up there is really laughing his guts out, just as I was, while watching  “Chennai Express”!

The world at large, all those whom you trusted from childhood, your dear parents, siblings, friends who were dearer than your own family, all get together to have fun while you are led to the sacrificial altar. They deck you up in finery, jewellery, and the photographer makes a fast buck, the caterer makes his money. There are so many who look forward to your sacrifice of happiness. The flower decorator, the lighting-wala, the event planner, the Hotel, the ghodi or limo hire person, the band-wala, the tent-wala, crockery, cutlery, glassware-wala and what not. 

The shop which sells you your trousseau, dresses, make up, shoes,new suitcases, pots & pans, beds, linen, and again, more what not!!

Your sacrifice makes so many happy. In your innocence you too are actually ecstatic! With stars in your eyes and dreams on your mind you set out on the path which you have been told will make you "live happily ever after ! "

Was there a bigger myth? 

The people in your world wanted to curb your bindass, happy, free,beautiful life. Human beings are envious creatures and cannot continue to watch one amongst them living that life which they in their folly have foregone.

Therefore tread on this path knowing what you are in for! Don't say I didn't tell you to go prepared for a never ending war where there is no victory. Every day is the beginning of a new war, a new adjustment, a new ego clash, a few tears, a few smiles, and a lot of love also thrown in, for good measure.

Just remember, marriages are not made in heaven, they are mergers of two different entities who try to make the merger as profitable as is possible between two people on earth.

Go on, go ahead, take that plunge and come out smiling.

That my dear is what they call “heaven on earth”!

"Shadi ka ladoo jo khaye woh bhi pachchtaye, jo na khaye woh bhi pachchtaye!Toh phir kha kar hi pachchtao....." 

Translation:The one who eats the wedding ladoo repents, and the one who doesn't eat the ladoo also repents...so it is better to eat and repent! What do you say?

CAGED FOREVER!

My friend!

I do have friends,
Some old and some new,
Those that are old are a part of my life,
I think of them in my moments of stress,
I remember them in those moments when life becomes a long stretch,
Somewhere, in a corner of my heart, reside my friends,

In those moments of sorrow,
Of defeat, of  struggle,
 In those moments when I wonder was it really worth it,
My friend suddenly calls me from out of the blue,
Was it telepathy? Did you know I needed you?

That is a friend who remains with me,
In thought, in that bear hug,  in memory,
Where I am told, Come, come varsha, You are so good,
Forget those who hurt you, forget those who don't care,
Forget those who only take and leave you with despair.

You are you and so live life with yourself.
Be your own friend as that is the way to happiness.
Support yourself as there will be no one other than  you,
 Believe in your "khud" because that is your strength,
My true friend I know is only me,
It is in reality all within me!

UNIMAGINABLE CHINA!

TIANANMAN SQUARE!

China,you really surprised me. As a young girl fresh out of school the first novel that I read was “Peony” by Pearl S. Buck.Then "Good Earth" the Noble prize winning book on China.  Then I read about what life was like with one room tenements for all and the single child policy where children were considered the property of the state.I read about all men and women dressing in blue coloured uniforms of trouser and jacket.

But lo and behold, the Beijing that I saw took my breath away.It was nowhere near the China of my imagination. Going towards the hotel there were so many Oohs and aahs and "Look at the roses", "look at the roads", "Look on the left", "oh look at those colors!"It was as if we were in a Rose garden or a display of roses. 

The roads were lined with beautiful roses, it was a virtual rose garden! The roads were like Expressways, there were so many roads, one over the other, criss cross and at different levels. The roads seemed as if they had been laid only last night. 

The cars on the roads were orderly, everyone was in their own lane. There were Volkswagon, Audi, BMW or Chevrolet,a number of Hondas too were there and a number of Porsche too were plying. It looked like a rich city of rich people. The buildings all over the place were skyscrapers. Was this East Asia or Manhattan?  Houses are expensive and our English speaking guide Eva told us that she lives on the outskirts of Beijing as she cannot afford to live in the city.

Beijing is modern, beautiful, sleek and very very clean. 

Cleaning up all the time.

We went to the Tiananman Square which is the world's largest Square. It again took my breath away to see the beautiful landscaping. There were pillars with coloured patterns of flowers. It was very systematic, organised, neat and beautiful. The place was very crowded and yet there was no filth around. No empty bottles, no food packets lying around. There were people going around on scooters collecting all the garbage as soon as any could be spotted. The place is beautiful and one can easily forget the Tiananman Square massacre. The moment I asked my guide about the massacre, she quickly stopped me from talking about it.

FORBIDDEN CITY

The Forbidden City is next to the Tiananman Square. It was the palace of the Emperors of the Ming and Qing Dynasty. The common people were not allowed to enter this Palace therefore it was called the Forbidden City. There are a number of beautiful palaces one  after the other and one has to go from one courtyard to another to enter the next palace. One cannot exit from the gate through which one enters. This Forbidden City was home to 24 Emperors since the 13th century. After Puyi the last Emperor of China abdicated in 1912, the Forbidden City became a museum for the people.

WE CLIMBED THE WALL!

The Great wall of China is a Wonder of the World. They say it is the only man made structure that can be seen from the moon. The wall suddenly comes upon you as soon as the hills appear on the horizon. These walls were started in the 7th century BC. They were constructed to stop the intrusion by nomadic groups or people from Mongolia. The wall was later on added to by various dynasties. It runs along the East to West border across the Northern border of China. The wall is made of stone, brick, wood, and earth. In 220-206 BC Emperor Qin(pronounced Chin) Shi Huang added to the wall,the Ming Dynasty rebuilt and maintained the wall for the purpose of Border Control, imposition of duties on goods transported along the Silk Route and movement of troops. The Great Wall has watch towers, Garrisons stations and  troop barracks. 

LOCKS ARE FOR SECURITY...JUST LIKE THE GREAT WALL.

Climbing the wall was formidable. But I and a friend Mila decided that having come to China we had no option but to climb the Wall. The climb was steep and looking at it from the base the task appeared daunting. With water bottle in hand and big fat handbags on arms we ventured up. I could count only up to 30 steps at a time and then would take a “Catch your breath” halt. So I do not know the number of steps that we climbed. There were a lot of people climbing the wall, one notable climber was an old gentleman with a stick and another very old gentleman whose climb was being video recorded.

While we were climbing up both of us would look down and wave to our friends who actually could not distinguish us from the rest. We however could see them clearly from the steps. There were two big steps and then one small step. The steps are quite wide at the bottom, but they get narrower as one goes up.

It was arduos but exhilirating too! I felt like shouting, “I climbed the Great Wall of China!”

Chairman Mao had said  "Until you reach the Great Wall, you're no hero.”So Meela, TNN my husband and yours truly are now heroes!

JADE

Jade is found in China and every girl wears a jade bangle. It is said that if the jade bangle turns dark then it means that the girl wearing it is not healthy. I remember having read somewhere that Mughal emperors ate food from jade plates. It is said that if there was poison in the food the jade plate would turn dark.

We went to the jade factory and saw very beautiful jade carving. The craftsmanship is remarkable.

BIRDS NEST-OLYMPIC STADIUM

Beijing had hosted the 2008 Olympics and the Birds Nest Stadium,  was worth looking at. The walk along the stadium was lovely. More gardens, more flowers, lots of colour, beautiful kites and lovely breeze made it even more enchanting.

SUMMER PALACE

Beijing had lovely cool weather, yet the Emperors had a Summer palace. There is a huge lake with lots of beautiful boats plying for tourists. 

WEEPING WILLOW

The Weeping willow trees look very beautiful as they all droop towards the huge lake.There is a lovely covered long walkway which has beautiful painting. Huge carved gates, colourful painted walls, beautiful trees and plenty of water all round made the place quite enchanting. None of us wanted to leave the place.

Beijing is actually like a show piece. Tall buildings, beautiful roads, lovely flowers and historical buildings maintained in picture perfect condition.I have to say that I least expected what I saw. I came away thinking that Beijing is truly amazing. It is very beautiful, colourful , clean, modern and yet so very ancient. Very much like the Chinese characters which look very beautiful, intricate, mysterious and like a work of art rather than words which one can read. 

THE DRAGON BOAT AT SUMMER PALACE

MY LIFE MY CRIME?

COLOURS.....

Life shows us a lot of colors,

Maroon, red, or blue,

Sometimes false and sometimes true.

They say do good and goodness will come back to you,

Harm someone and harm will come your way.

Really? Is that true?

Why do innocent people suffer ?

What crime did a five year old do?

Past Karma? A past life?

What non sense!

It was not she who committed a crime?

Why is she punished for a crime of someone else's past life?

SCREENS FOR SHADE OR FOR WHAT?

Is this life worth living?

There is no justice.

Nothing is true.

Goodness does not pay,

Being crafty, cunning and sweet tongued is the policy to adopt.

These are the people who enjoy this life,

What happens after death, is for someone else to worry about.

You live your sinful, dishonest life,

The punishment is not yours.

Someone else in some other life will have to pay.

Meanwhile....you ENJOY!

JUST REPAIR....COLOUR.....TRY TO MAKE IT UP!

STORY OF MY LIFE PART IV-LUCK NOW?

CHAR BAGH STATION

After spending about a year in Bangalore, Triloki was transferred to the royal city of Lucknow. I had always been fascinated by this city where I thought only nawabs resided and lived the life of luxury with the famous Lucknawi tehzeeb and the most melodious language Urdu spoken in a special style.Hindi films, particularly "Mere Mehboob" had a great role to play in my mental make up.

As our train chugged into the Char bagh station of Lucknow, I looked out eagerly at the people in the city. The city was beautiful. There were beautiful palatial buildings and lots of space, and trees. The river Gomti was a beautiful river and there were a number of bridges over it.

I loved the way the people spoke. There was a lot of politeness and sweetness in the language. Even the rickshaw puller spoke politely and did not just ask" kahan jaana hai?" There usually was no bargaining. I was amazed by the politeness and good language used. Everyone used the formal "Aap". "Tum and too" were unheard of. My maid servant addressed me as Bahuji. The maids were called Mehri not mai as we called them in Delhi.

We stayed in Nirala Nagar and my husband went to work in Aishbagh where the Hindustan Aeronautics Ltd (HAL) had its Office. One day he came back highly amused and narrated an incident where two people were fighting. Even in this verbal dual the politeness of the language was not allowed to suffer. One said to the other," Please do not make me open my mouth and say things  about your family members" the other replied, "Please do not force me to go into the history of your lineage."

There was total refinement in the way the dual was fought. There was no abuse, no crass words, no vulgarity at all, and the fight continued to the amusement of onlookers, particularly those from Delhi. Delhi people  too spoke Urdu but the chaste sweet refined Urdu of Lucknow was like nectar to the ears.

Boating on the Gomti was very pleasant. The river was wide and clean. The breeze was nice and soothing. The boats were few and were lit with lanterns. The city had not yet become too commercialized .

Those were days when salaries were not too high. Both of us loved living beyond our means so we lived on the mezzanine floor of a beautiful bungalow on Faizabad Road. Our landlord was Mr. Rameshwar Sahay who was a keen chess player and wrote a book on it. They had a large number of dogs as well as cats in their house. We always marveled at the way cats and dogs co existed in their house.

Having limited money, the end of the month usually saw us trying to raise funds by selling radii(past months newspaper). When anyone invited us for a birthday party towards the end of the month, I always wondered why children were born on later dates of the month. I wished that they would be born when one had the funds to buy gifts which was always in the first fortnight of the month.

The youth of today are so spoilt with money and huge salaries that I wonder if anyone would be able to understand how we managed to scrape through the month and wait for the first of the month when salary would be paid. There was a nice song by Kishore Kumar, "Khush hai zamaana aaj pehli tareekh hai"It means the world is happy as it is the first of the month. Now, even Radio Ceylon which played this song on the first of every month  seems to have gone defunct.
To save money Triloki and his friend used to pool their motor bike rides to office. Once when the petrol prices were hiked, both these friends went and bought bicycles, of course sophisticated ones with gears. After that they both started going on their stylish bicycles to work. 
I loved the names of the places in Lucknow. Kaiserganj, Aminabad, Chowk, Nakkhhas Aishbagh, Hazratgunj. All of them sounded very nice to me as they were replete with History.

There was the Residency which was destroyed during the First war of Independence in 1857. The Rumi Darwaza, The Bada Imambada, the Chota Imambara, and the Baradari. I loved these buildings. It is said that Wajid Ali Shah, the ruler of Awadh was  fond of music and also used to dance Kathak himself. The beautiful song "Babul mora naihar chooto hi jaaye", was written by him when he had to leave Lucknow after the British annexed his kingdom.  Earlier in 1785, Asaf ud daula the ruler then, got the Bada Imambada constructed so that people could be employed during a devastating famine. It is said that times were so bad that during the day ordinary people worked and during the night the noblemen worked there. It is also said that Asaf ud daula ordered that food be cooked for the workers by the royal cooks. The cooks  would put rice and mutton and spices in huge degs(cauldron) and allow it to keep simmering with the lid tightly  sealed. That they say is how Dum ki Biryani originated.

I last saw Lucknow about 38 years ago. I have fond memories of the place and so do not want to go back and see the Lucknow of today.

MAYFAIR

The chaat of Hazratgunj, the kebabs of Tunde, the Mayfair cinema hall with the Kwality restaurant, Carlton hotel, the University, IT College, Kukrail, Chinhat, are all memories which I cherish.

Lucknow is the place famous for the beautiful Chikan embroidery . Almost every woman was adept at this embroidery and it was a cottage industry.

The graceful sharara, garara was the dress of the noble women. Men wore achkans and sherwani, of course only at weddings.

Indeed Lucknow for me  was "Mere Mehboob" in reality.

THE CHANGE THAT WE NEED

Atrocities against women have been happening forever. It is only now that we are hearing about it. A woman is a woman, she could be a one year old or an eighty year old. To perverts she is just a sex object.

Human beings in my opinion are the worst species of creatures in the world. They have hands and brains which they use to abuse other human beings.

Since rape is being talked about quite openly now, we keep reading and hearing about little children being raped, brutalized, bitten, mutilated and even killed. For every rape case that comes out in the open there would be hundreds which never see the light of the day.

Many are hidden, not reported or not registered. Just like in the Gudiya case, obviously the police wanted to shut the case by offering a bribe and making the parents of the little child keep quiet. How many people would have the courage to face the police and insist upon the case being registered?

I wonder why we in India worship the Goddess? Why do we worship Shakti, Durga, and so many other deities? Why do we hurt, molest, insult all those innocent girls who have to suffer simply because they are girls? Even little boys are targets of such molestation. Are we perverts? Has all sense of propriety, decency, human dignity, vanished?

In spite of feeling totally dejected and sad by what is happening all over the country, I still feel proud that  there are activists and general public who are protesting against these atrocities. They are making a hue and cry and are raising their voice. It is only when the public raises its voice, that juggernauts come to a halt. As long as we keep tolerating injustice, atrocities and pervert acts against women, we will remain a soft target. Every one will side track the issue and it will become stale news. The need is to keep the issue alive and remain in the news.

Everyone needs to be sensitized. People cannot be making non sensical statements saying, "rapes are happening everywhere and forever, there is nothing new in this." Does that make it justified? Should people not awake to this barbarity? Should people not revolt? Should we just keep sitting inside protected environment and say "so what"?

These are vulnerable little children, young girls, women who are part of our society. They are not objects.We need to keep raising our voice.

I am extremely pained to see the amount of suffering a girl has to undergo. I am appalled to read about fathers raping their own daughters. What can these girls do? A father is the most trusted person in any child's life. It is such a pity that people have lost all senses.

What is the solution , how can women be protected? What can be done to prevent such occurrences? My mind is in a turmoil and I am wondering. Should girls and little boys not be allowed to play outside their homes? Should they be watched by someone all the time? Should they be made prisoners?

Even if we watch over them all the time at home, what about teachers, ward boys, Doctors molesting vulnerable students, patients?

I think it is not about protecting our women and children, it is about making the place safe for our women and children, so that they can play and walk on the streets alone without chaperones. 

The mind of people needs to be changed to bring about  a see change in attitudes? No amount of protective armor can make a woman safe. It is the minds of people that has to be changed. Thoughts need to be changed. Attitudes need to be changed. Treating women as objects for titilation needs to be changed. 

THE STORY OF MY LIFE PART III

In the year 1970, when we got married and moved to Bangalore, all was well, until the day Triloki said, “Let's eat at home today. Let's cook some dinner”. My culinary skills were entirely restricted. I didn't even know how to boil rice! I was quite taken aback at this demand.  I soon realised that this was not the  fairy tale which said, "And they lived happily ever after". 

A FAIRY TALE CASTLE

This was actually that nightmare  from which I struggled to wake up. I woke myself up and realized that I had not been sleeping at all, this was real life! Elves and fairies existed only in Fairy tales! My adventures in the real world began. Triloki knew that I had no clue where the kitchen began, so he very kindly bought me a recipe book which I still have even after that event having happened 42 years ago. So, I found myself trying to make potato curry and rice. It was success at first attempt. Quite encouraged, I took it upon myself the next day to knead dough and make chapatis. I thought that being a Punjabi, Triloki  would prefer chapatis. Thus began my memorable adventure with flour and water. I brought out a lovely paraat, a jug full of water and a beautiful red container filled with flour. I took out a handfull of flour onto the paraat, then poured the water, and then tried to knead the flour, then added more flour, then more water, and kept repeating the exercise ad -infinitum. For the life of me I could not figure out why I was unable to make that lovely dough which looks so nice and easy to knead. My eyes too were not being very helpful, they were not letting me see very well as they were busy shedding tears at my utter helplessness.

Triloki soon realized my misery and told me very kindly that he was really fond of rice and so that was prepared by him, and we could eat that evening.

As I had nothing to do during the day time, I enrolled in a doll making class which was held in a Lady's house at Malleshwaram. Here I met a Gujarati lady. They had emigrated from Uganda and were new to Bangalore. Those were the days of Idi Amin who was trying to get rid of all the Gujarati people from his country. A number of Gujarati's had gone to USA, UK and some came back to India. This lady very kindly took me under her wing and taught me how to cook.The adventures of Varsha in the Culinary land thus came to an end.

Now, I am a fairly good cook. Triloki, a man of few words is quite miserly with his appreciation of my cooking. If I cook something and ask him to tell me how it is, I ALWAYS get the standard reply, "Theek hai". It is never Good, Bad, Excellent, Delicious, or Lovely. It is just plain and simple and utterly bringing me down to earth, “Theek Hai!” After suffering for many long years with the thought that I was indeed an average cook, I  gathered up the courage to ask my friends how the dish that I had prepared was. When I got enough accolades for my efforts, I convinced myself that I am actually a good cook. Yet I still need reassurance now and then. Therefore often I taste what I cook and tell myself, "Splendid Varsha, you have done a good job".

Moral of the story is “Trust your own skills and do not look for compliments.”

Triloki of course has another explanation for his comment. He says when an Engineer says Theek hai it means that there is no need for improvement. I guess I just need to let it be!

HIDE AND SEEK!

CIRCA 2009.

She hides behind her mother and tells me "Dadi go and look for me downstairs, I am hiding". I go down looking for her, then come up again, look behind the sofas, the curtains, ask everyone around if they have seen Aaria and then find a giggling away to glory Aaria! "Found you," I exclaim very excitedly.

Then it is my turn to hide and Aaria tells me to go hide in the kitchen, then she counts up to ten says "Ready or not here I come," and comes looking for me in all the rooms, behind sofas, behind the curtains, and finally comes to the kitchen and triumphantly declares, " found you".

Oh! the delights of childhood and the delights of indulgent grand parents! Jharna and Anurag are quite flustered about this game of Hide and Seek." Please explain, what is this game? I don't get it", says Jharna.

I simply say "Generation gap, my dear, you won't understand!"

They will have to await their turn and the right time to play the games with rules made and broken, tears, screams of joy and total abandon of reason.

The problem is that all do not understand this game. It is rather difficult to grasp. To understand it there are a few conditions which are to be met. You have to have allowed your hair to grey, your wisdom to have blossomed with spending time on terra firma, finished spending time working for your living, got health insurance, spent time going into hospitals for health check ups, know all about cholesterol, blood pressure, healthy foods, eating fruit, importance of walking. Only when most of these conditions are met that  you understand the rules of the game!

COUNTING IN EARNEST!

The joy of seeing a little girl running from one end of the room to the other to express her happiness at seeing you arrive at her house is a sight worth a million dollars!

The time when your grandson tells you that because of what you taught him, he has done well in his exams! Priceless reward.

These are the benefits of having grown up to that age when even the local vegetable vendor calls you mummy! The modern form of calling you a mataji!! Oh my goodness this is  the dreaded age of all. But then I reason that this also has its perks. Allow the vegetable vendor to call you mummy and then go play hide and seek, with that little person who trusts that you still have the energy to run up and down the stairs, pick her up when she is tired, make the yummiest of food to be told very bluntly on your face, "You don't know how to make pancake, please learn it from boo"(bua,pishi, atya, paternal aunty).

The dialogues, the fights, the "go away dadi" said with full force, is met with an ungrudging," I love you Dadi" in some moments of rare consideration!

That is life. The moments spent with honest, true, caring grand children is reward for having greyed your hair in the sun!

CIRCA 2012.