TO MARRY OR NOT?

They say marriages are made in heaven. Some say that marriage is a defunct institution. Some wonder what is the need for a marriage. Some ask why should one vow to remain together till the last breath, come what may. A lot wonder why anyone would want to marry a second time. When this happens after an earlier disastrous marriage, the question does prop up in one's mind.

Perhaps one has to understand that marriage is just a convenient way for two people to get related to each other. Two people from any part of the world may want to get married and spend the rest of their lives together. I believe that all institutions in this world, social, or otherwise are created by people, for the sake of convenience. There is no heavenly hand in this.

There is only an emotional attachment, a legal binding, a social responsibility, and a coming together of two people and their families in the institution of marriage.

When two different people decide to get married they make a commitment, and  take vows about a lot of things as per their own customs, practices and choices too. These are promises which bind them together, make them obligated to each other and responsible towards and for each other.

HAPPY PEOPLE

In such circumstances, marriage is just a simple binding or pact between two people. As is usual different people have different attitudes, interests, food choices, and habits. Even twins often are not exactly identical. Therefore when two people decide to stay together, for the sake of harmony in the house, each person has to adjust. There is usually a pattern that gets set in every house, and willy nilly each person of the house takes on a role, shares responsibility and builds up a cozy home for themselves. A home is also a place where people have to manage each other. Mostly what I have noticed is that after some time has elapsed people start taking each other for granted. Each person knows the other so well that they start presuming what is going to come next. Words, actions, rebukes, hurts, insults, sarcasm everything creeps in because we leave the door wide open for all these things to walk in. Instead of communicating and taking things as they come, we expect the worst, and wait for those words which are bound to hurt us. When the expected reaction comes, we feel comfortable and smug! I wonder how many of us would behave like this in a work situation? Why is it that we take pains to be righteous, just, fair, nice, well behaved in our office? Why do we give benefit of doubt to people who actually do not matter to us? Why do we try to maintain peace and harmony in the office, where we need not build lifetime bonds?

How does a marriage give us the license to hurt or humiliate a person who actually matters to us. This person is the one whom we care for and who cares for us! Why do we take them for granted and sweep them away with mighty glares, stares and anger? Each partner in a marriage does that. Each person in the marriage finds ways and means to hurt, humiliate and get even with the spouse. The entire anger of the world is taken out on this helpless person in the marriage, who also feels trapped. None of us can actually say that we are the lone victims in the marriage. Each person is actually coping. The Greek Philosopher Plato(427 BC - 347 BC) is said to have said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."   However much we may try to show ourselves as the victim of an abusive marriage, a sad life, a person trapped in an unhappy marriage, one has to remember that the spouse too is suffering some pain of his/her own. What is sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander. A marriage is actually a working partnership. It has to be worked upon all the time.

CONTINUE TO BE  HAPPY

Why do we feel trapped in a marriage? Does it have anything to do with a mindset? Do the old philosophies, teachings make us want to rebel? Is that the reason why now people think that there is no need for marriage? Quite at the beginning of my own marriage, my husband used to say that a marriage license should be renewable after every three years. We had a civil marriage ceremony,no religious ceremony, by choice.

I personally think that a marriage makes a house a home. A home is made by people who have emotional attachment, bonding, concern and love for each other. These are the people who will be affected if something happens to us. A legal binding ties us down, whereas a live in relationship does not. Splitting, walking out, is easier in a relationship. Marriage is a legal and social binding with responsibilities and duties. It is not so easy to walk out, and climbing the steps of the courts to get a divorce is a very difficult proposition.There is therefore safety in being tied down. After all as Rousseau said,"Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains". I think  we bind ourselves in chains by choice. That is what civilization is all about! Otherwise the law of the jungle will take over!
Having said that, I think a marriage needs to be saved so that we can grow old in the cozy home built by us in the comforting company of the person with whom we have shared the maximum part of our life. The same person who stands by us through thick and thin, life's ups and downs, shares memories of some happy days and many sad days, and very often IS the reason for our sad and bad days! Yet, I think, a legal binding makes it safe, secure and comforting!