MANNERS

One often comes across people who appear to be quite obnoxious, irritating and uncouth, in a group. It is their behaviour which leaves a bad taste and a feeling of annoyance.Bad manners and bad behavior of a person shows his lack of concern for others. A careless attitude and pattern makes it obvious that the person does not care for the discomfort that he may be causing to others.

It is strange to see that children of the same family, brought up by the same set of parents, educated in the best schools, seem to have such diverse temperaments and behavior patterns.While one child may be very sophisticated, another may be very crude. Good manners and good breeding shows. Bad manners and bad behavior disturbs.

There are a lot of things one notices in one's daily life. Making a loud noise while sipping tea is one very common practice that I have observed. The tea drinker really seems to be relishing his tea, but the slurping noise definitely does not sound good.Talking with the mouth full of food is another habit, which I find so very uncouth. One gets to view all that half chewed food, which also could easily fall out of the mouth.What is the hurry, I wonder. There is enough time to finish food and then talk. Surely,people will still be willing to listen, once the food is finished. I wonder if this habit develops in people who belong to large families where some children never get a chance to speak.In olden times, in India there was a rule that while food was eaten, no one was allowed to talk. Food was eaten in silence. There was also a ritual attached to eating. A pattern was set which was religiously followed. This pattern need not be followed in this day and age, as now people like to talk over food and dinner time is usually the time when the whole family gathers together to communicate with each other. Yet, following simple manners like not talking with the mouth full would be a good practice to follow.

Some people also have this habit of interrupting people when they are talking. The interruptions appear so very childish, and unnecessary. Yet people with these idiosyncrasies are never able to understand the importance of talking only when their turn comes. Waiting, is a rare virtue. Again perhaps, this may be in people who do not get a chance to speak at home.

In India spitting, blowing the nose without using a tissue or hanky is very common. Scratching oneself uncontrollably is another horrible habit.Not waiting for one's turn also leads to road rage as one is always wanting to rush in without patience. Rushing in where there is no place leads to chaos, further jams and further anger, fury and more rage.

Teaching good manners in childhood is very important. A child is innocent and learns mostly by copying. They also learn whatever we teach them. There is a proper way to eat, to drink, to talk, to walk, to live. If only children are taught proper manners in their learning years, good habits will remain with them for life. A well behaved child is a delight to be with. Letting them grow without proper pruning and training will lead to wayward development and growth, which may not be in the best interest of the child. Just as a beautiful garden has to be well planned with proper colour combination and layout to make it eye catching, a child also has to be groomed keeping all aspects in mind. When plants are allowed to grow at random the complete effect is often not the best.

Waiting for one's turn, in line, is the best policy to adopt. It leads to discipline, which encourages patience, which further helps us to have concern for others. We learn to respect the other persons needs. We learn to understand that every person ahead of us has also waited for his turn and deserves to be able to get served before us. In a queue, in a shop, a bus stop or wherever, people impatiently jostle one another. They push, try to overtake, come in the middle and break the queue. Somehow it never seems improper to them. I have noticed that people abroad, never ever break a queue. They maintain proper distance from the person ahead of them. They allow a person some personal space. No one touches the other, and there is absolutely no question of pushing. They all get served and served well. No one is ruffled and there are no frayed tempers.Teaching our children to wait for their turn patiently is a virtue which will take us forward on the path of progress happily.If we teach our children to talk when it is their turn to talk, they will learn to respect those ahead of them. They will learn that we are all equal, and have to wait for our turn, and that no one takes precedence over another.If good manners and behaviour is a pattern that is followed in routine, the lives of most people would be happier.

Greeting a person when we meet and wishing them well when we depart is also a very gracious thing to do. In Delhi I have observed that as soon as someone visits a house, the first thing done is to give the person a glass of water to drink. It reminds me of a very ancient tradition in villages when a guest's feet were washed as soon as they visited someone's house. Those were the days when people would walk and therefore washing the feet would provide solace to tired feet. Sharing food, and meals was also a common practice.

Personal space is an alien feature in our lives. We are always very busy prying into the affairs of others. There are a lot of people who follow certain religious cults or follow certain gurus. There are some who are devoted to their gurus to such an extant that almost all their time is spent in going for discourses and attending to their religious gatherings, functions and get togethers. Even if it appears disturbing to some, it is the personal choice of spending their time in these activities. Why should it hurt the sensibilities of another to such an extant that they keep prying and gathering information, and pass snide remarks. Every person should have the choice to spend their own time in the way that they choose.

A well behaved, cultured, polite, patient person shows his good breeding and class. One would have heard of the Lucknawi tehzeeb which was considered the best and they were considered the most cultured people in India. Even abusing someone in anger was polite. My husband tells of an incident when he had gone to Nakkhas area of Lucknow for some shopping. In an altercation he heard one person telling another, "Do not provoke me to such an extant that I may have to go into your genealogy." Of course this dialogue was in chaste Urdu..a very sweet language by itself. It is generally people of Nouveau riche families who lack grace, culture and polish. The reason is that they think that everything can be bought with money. They do not have time for patience and niceties.Time is money and they would rather earn money than wait patiently for someone to put their point forward in a flowery and beautiful language.Yet, good language, respect for others, patience, only shows good breeding and class.

Happiness is a package deal which usually comes with patience, compassion, concern, care and courtesy for our fellow beings.The world would be a much better place for everyone, if everyone has concern for their own family, their neighbours and everyone else that they meet in their lives.