Whatever I am today is because of what my parents did for me. My mother planned my future, she wished the best for me. She gave up a lot of comforts so that I could have them. Right from my childhood when I must have given her all those sleepless nights, those torturous moments when I may have been sick, all those things which I took for granted - those were painful, anxious and of course joyous moments for my mother. She never recounted those moments to me, but now nearing the autumn of my life and seeing the winter of my mother in front of me, I wish to recount for all those who would care to read what my mother did for me. About my father, I will choose to speak on another day.
I know, every mother does things for her children - but then is it trivial? All those who are mothers or fathers will be able to appreciate and understand my feelings.
My father was in a government job, an Executive Engineer in Hirakud dam project- when the dam was being built. There were no schooling facilities or any semblance of a town too. I was sent to Cuttack the nearest city with a convent. I was hardly five years old. It was a burden on the pocket of my father, but my mother was adamant that I would get the best education. They had to put up with hardship so that I could be educated in a boarding school. When they left me, I happily went away holding the hand of the nun who took me in, I did not glance back - typical of children, then they came back the next morning to see if I was alright. The Mother Superior had told them that they could see me from outside but should not meet me, so they stood outside the gate near a tree to see me going into assembly. They saw me happy and went back to Hirakud with Sunil my brother who was a few months old then.
I was shifted with them when ever they were transferred, always close to the project area where daddy worked. I was always put in convent schools and was given the best of everything.
Soon when Sunil could go to school he too was put in St. Xavier's School - the best boys school in Bihar. How my mother managed in the very limited money that they earned, is for us to imagine. She had determination that come what may, her children would get the best education available. The dictum was that good education stands you in good stead. It is the foundation of a strong building. Her one regret in life was that she had not got higher education. It was by her choice, as she had been given the best opportunity by her father who was a very highly placed Civil Servant of British India.
I will never be able to thank my mother enough for opening the doors of education to me.
My mother was the pivot around which our family revolved. She was my fathers steady pillar. She guided him through thick and thin. Daddy always said that she had a lot of wisdom and as she was very well read she was very perceptive and could give the best advice. Daddy always sought her counsel and always abided by what she said. In her childhood and youth she had been in close contact with the wise Dr. B. R. Ambedkar, whose very close associate was my grand father Rai Sahab G T Meshram. With thinkers, and highly literate people around her she had gathered a lot of wisdom.
Because of our education expenses my parents were often financially strained. They could not save much. Daddy and mummy always thought that their best investment was in our education.
My mother had a lot of jewellery. She does even today - and her jewellery is really beautiful. I remember the number of times that the jewellery was in the bank as a loan had to be taken against it to meet the fee requirements of either Sunil or Ujjwal or me. It was very seldom that she had jewellery to wear. That was one security that came to her rescue time and again. That is the reason that even today she buys a lot of jewellery, so that in times of need she has enough.
Due to those days of never having enough money, never being able to splurge, she has developed the habit of saving, to the extent of it appearing as hoarding. She even had to sell her very expensive, classic brocade sarees made of pure gold zari for a pittance when one of her three children needed money. Life is a big teacher. One learns in the school of life from bitter and sweet experiences.
In spite of this, I don't remember even one day of stinginess. I was never refused anything that I wanted. I was taught the true values of life. I got the best to eat and the best to wear. I travelled in style. My life was groomed to be stylish and also to appreciate the good things in life.
As a young girl whenever I came home from the boarding school on vacations, I had to learn needle work, embroidery and knitting. I was told and taught to take responsibility to keep things back in place and to keep things looking good and pretty. Daddy used to say "a thing out of its place is kacchhra." Sunil has got this fetish for tidyness and loves to keep his house tidy and beautiful. I was also given this fondness for reading by my mother, who always asked me to read good books. She is a voracious reader. History is her favourite, and her memory is that of an elephants.
I never liked cooking. Mummy never cooked as we always had servants to cook, but she was a very good cook. Both my brothers got their culinary skills from her, as they both were fond of cooking. Daddy could only boil an egg and make good tea as far as cooking was concerned. I took after him, as we both used to call eating, "A necessary evil".
Mummy looked after my daddy very well. Once when he became very very ill in Bhurkunda, she sold her jewellery to buy medicines for him, which had to be brought from Calcutta. She used to send someone all the way to Cal from Bhurkunda to get the medicine. The power and need of money made her realise that saving was very important and having money is the ultimate. That is why she is very judicious in her spending. Never a miser, she is always very helpful. I will never forget those days, when she used to come to visit me bringing fruits, vegetables and provisions just like that. I can never forget all the times when she has been so very generous. She is thrifty but never a miser. Her table has always been laden with variety of food. She likes to eat good food. She always wants at least two vegetables in each meal.
Ujjwal, who used to fall sick at the drop of a hat was given the best of care and attention. Once when he got pneumonia he was kept in a nursing home which was way beyond their means financially, but well within their budget of their heart. Ujjwal was dressed in suits right from childhood as he needed to be kept warm. Mummy was always very paranoid about Ujjwal and took great care of him. He was not sent to a boarding school and went to St. Xavier's School in Ranchi.
Although mummy was from a very aristocratic family, she adapted very well with her in laws and went to the village and was very popular with all the people as she had no airs. She was instrumental in helping my kaka get college education, as well as Chandraprabha get school and college education. When Chandraprabha wanted to marry N. P. Kamble, it was my mother who supported her.
Although mummy was always very traditional minded, due to daddy's acute dislike for rituals, and traditions which took on the hue of Religion, mummy too adopted all the ways of daddy. There was no ritual carried out in our house. The only festivals we celebrated were Holi and Diwali, without the Puja. These were festivals which brought about happiness, so despite Daddy's disapproval mummy insisted on celebrating these festivals and here she had her way.
She went out of her way to help whoever she could. Her motto in life is that the family should stay together. The family members should continue to have love and affection for each other. Brothers and sisters should always have care and concern for each other. She always told us stories of her childhood, and always aspired for all her children to go to the heights of glory. She has strived all her life for it.
Even today, her main concern is unity of the family.
She who has cared for us, nurtured us, brought us up, made us what we are today is now in need of looking after. It is pay back time for me now.
I know, every mother does things for her children - but then is it trivial? All those who are mothers or fathers will be able to appreciate and understand my feelings.
My father was in a government job, an Executive Engineer in Hirakud dam project- when the dam was being built. There were no schooling facilities or any semblance of a town too. I was sent to Cuttack the nearest city with a convent. I was hardly five years old. It was a burden on the pocket of my father, but my mother was adamant that I would get the best education. They had to put up with hardship so that I could be educated in a boarding school. When they left me, I happily went away holding the hand of the nun who took me in, I did not glance back - typical of children, then they came back the next morning to see if I was alright. The Mother Superior had told them that they could see me from outside but should not meet me, so they stood outside the gate near a tree to see me going into assembly. They saw me happy and went back to Hirakud with Sunil my brother who was a few months old then.
I was shifted with them when ever they were transferred, always close to the project area where daddy worked. I was always put in convent schools and was given the best of everything.
Soon when Sunil could go to school he too was put in St. Xavier's School - the best boys school in Bihar. How my mother managed in the very limited money that they earned, is for us to imagine. She had determination that come what may, her children would get the best education available. The dictum was that good education stands you in good stead. It is the foundation of a strong building. Her one regret in life was that she had not got higher education. It was by her choice, as she had been given the best opportunity by her father who was a very highly placed Civil Servant of British India.
I will never be able to thank my mother enough for opening the doors of education to me.
My mother was the pivot around which our family revolved. She was my fathers steady pillar. She guided him through thick and thin. Daddy always said that she had a lot of wisdom and as she was very well read she was very perceptive and could give the best advice. Daddy always sought her counsel and always abided by what she said. In her childhood and youth she had been in close contact with the wise Dr. B. R. Ambedkar, whose very close associate was my grand father Rai Sahab G T Meshram. With thinkers, and highly literate people around her she had gathered a lot of wisdom.
Because of our education expenses my parents were often financially strained. They could not save much. Daddy and mummy always thought that their best investment was in our education.
My mother had a lot of jewellery. She does even today - and her jewellery is really beautiful. I remember the number of times that the jewellery was in the bank as a loan had to be taken against it to meet the fee requirements of either Sunil or Ujjwal or me. It was very seldom that she had jewellery to wear. That was one security that came to her rescue time and again. That is the reason that even today she buys a lot of jewellery, so that in times of need she has enough.
Due to those days of never having enough money, never being able to splurge, she has developed the habit of saving, to the extent of it appearing as hoarding. She even had to sell her very expensive, classic brocade sarees made of pure gold zari for a pittance when one of her three children needed money. Life is a big teacher. One learns in the school of life from bitter and sweet experiences.
In spite of this, I don't remember even one day of stinginess. I was never refused anything that I wanted. I was taught the true values of life. I got the best to eat and the best to wear. I travelled in style. My life was groomed to be stylish and also to appreciate the good things in life.
As a young girl whenever I came home from the boarding school on vacations, I had to learn needle work, embroidery and knitting. I was told and taught to take responsibility to keep things back in place and to keep things looking good and pretty. Daddy used to say "a thing out of its place is kacchhra." Sunil has got this fetish for tidyness and loves to keep his house tidy and beautiful. I was also given this fondness for reading by my mother, who always asked me to read good books. She is a voracious reader. History is her favourite, and her memory is that of an elephants.
I never liked cooking. Mummy never cooked as we always had servants to cook, but she was a very good cook. Both my brothers got their culinary skills from her, as they both were fond of cooking. Daddy could only boil an egg and make good tea as far as cooking was concerned. I took after him, as we both used to call eating, "A necessary evil".
Mummy looked after my daddy very well. Once when he became very very ill in Bhurkunda, she sold her jewellery to buy medicines for him, which had to be brought from Calcutta. She used to send someone all the way to Cal from Bhurkunda to get the medicine. The power and need of money made her realise that saving was very important and having money is the ultimate. That is why she is very judicious in her spending. Never a miser, she is always very helpful. I will never forget those days, when she used to come to visit me bringing fruits, vegetables and provisions just like that. I can never forget all the times when she has been so very generous. She is thrifty but never a miser. Her table has always been laden with variety of food. She likes to eat good food. She always wants at least two vegetables in each meal.
Ujjwal, who used to fall sick at the drop of a hat was given the best of care and attention. Once when he got pneumonia he was kept in a nursing home which was way beyond their means financially, but well within their budget of their heart. Ujjwal was dressed in suits right from childhood as he needed to be kept warm. Mummy was always very paranoid about Ujjwal and took great care of him. He was not sent to a boarding school and went to St. Xavier's School in Ranchi.
Although mummy was from a very aristocratic family, she adapted very well with her in laws and went to the village and was very popular with all the people as she had no airs. She was instrumental in helping my kaka get college education, as well as Chandraprabha get school and college education. When Chandraprabha wanted to marry N. P. Kamble, it was my mother who supported her.
Although mummy was always very traditional minded, due to daddy's acute dislike for rituals, and traditions which took on the hue of Religion, mummy too adopted all the ways of daddy. There was no ritual carried out in our house. The only festivals we celebrated were Holi and Diwali, without the Puja. These were festivals which brought about happiness, so despite Daddy's disapproval mummy insisted on celebrating these festivals and here she had her way.
She went out of her way to help whoever she could. Her motto in life is that the family should stay together. The family members should continue to have love and affection for each other. Brothers and sisters should always have care and concern for each other. She always told us stories of her childhood, and always aspired for all her children to go to the heights of glory. She has strived all her life for it.
Even today, her main concern is unity of the family.
She who has cared for us, nurtured us, brought us up, made us what we are today is now in need of looking after. It is pay back time for me now.
3 comments:
Yes, reading this left me with feeling very nice. I immediately called up Annie and told her about this :). Keep writing. I like your narrative style.
This is the first time I'm commenting. And that's because you've written very well and straight from the heart. People and not here forever, and it's important that we show them affection, and care for them whilst we are able to, and not after, either they, or you have gone.
It's all very well to remember your family when they are no longer with you, but what would be better is to be with them when there's still time, so one doesn't have regrets later.
Very well written, with love and affection and I'm glad that you wont have any regrets.
I do fully appreciate and understand your emotions that are brimming over pertaining to your mother. All mother’s are not only responsible for bringing the child into the world but are responsible for shaping the future of the child and inculcating his or her values for life. However, in the case of your family – your father was a rare exception; his zest for life, for serving humanity, his value system and his rationality was an important driving force in shaping the family. They are both very intelligent. She was excellent in managing the family finances – investing in jewelry et all and she must be given due credit for that. Yet we must not forget his contribution.
Its is really good to be able to say and speak these things for persons close to you rather than having to regret later as to what was left unsaid. It’s good to share all these emotions with the family and close people.
I think the family is doing well and is able to look after her – financially and otherwise – and looking after her needs and comfort.
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