Although I thought a few days back that it is prudent to be cautious in communication with your near and dear ones, and not say things bluntly, I wonder if one is not honest, then one is bound to keep up pretences. Is it wise to keep pretences with those whom you care for? If someone is going the wrong way after considering all the alternatives, is it right for us to remain silent, so as not to hurt the person who has taken a wrong decision?
Family and close friends are those who care about us. If they maintain caution and do not point out our inaccuracy then how can one improve? It is interaction, feedback, discussion which allows a person to grow. When we talk and discuss we use the wisdom, and experience of the other person. Unless there is free flow, how can we gain from the other? Sugar coated pills camouflage bitterness-but the bitterness is actually there. Is it not better to freely and frankly discuss a matter threadbare, than to push it under the carpet and give a wrong impression?
Confusion toh hai utter!! What to do? What is the right approach, I have to really really clear my mind of this muddle.
It is not always possible to think and talk rationally. If a person is so in control of one's speech and action then that person is surely a saint. That person is not emotionally charged. Where a person is emotional then anger, outburst, frustration is sure to appear. Should a person become so detached as to always be unemotional, and rational? Will that behaviour not make me more of an unemotional and detached person? How does that look in the context of a family?
Always maintaining an artificiality in our behaviour to my mind is not good. If we only play act all the time, the frustration that we are hiding is sure to find an outlet somewhere, which may really be too big an explosion. Is it not better to clear little little differences of opinions and talk them over, even if that ends up in a fight? Should one always try to maintain harmony even at the cost of it tantamounting to deception. Is it better to smoothen out rough edges or better to steer clear and maintain a distance from your dearest ones?
2 comments:
Honesty is certainly better in a close relationship, like in the case of spouses, there is absolutely no doubt about it. However, like giving a feed back for the other person is honesty, but it still becomes important to gauge the sensitivty of the other individual so as to avoid hurt yet get the message through. One has to realise that each is a seperate individual and that individuality is to be judged and the other has to act accordingly. After all ghode aur gadhe ko ek hi laathi se nahin hank sakte.Discussions are good for the relationship - yet the sensitivity- as before - must be valued, else it will lead to fissures and cracks in the relationship.
There'a a time for being blunt. There's a time for careful soothing. There's a time for listening and for keeping ones' mouth shut.
How does one know what to use in any particular scenario?
Simple. By being aware. Aware of the dynamics. Aware of the consequences. Aware of the fragility, maturity, willingness and reasonableness of those people in the scenario.
And anyway, in any situation, what's the worse that can happen? A thought. That's right. A thought. And so, problems arise when there's a big hoohaa attatchment to whatever thoughts we're holding and clinging onto.
Sorrow, misery, and all things 'hurtful', are nothing more than a tantrum against reality.
It is we ourselves who talk ourselves in to misery, depression, fear, worry, panic.
And it's simply because we love to attach an emotionally charged story to a mere thought.
In a mad way, we love being victims because it takes us out of the realm of fixing things. Hence, the made up stories we attach to situations.
And when we understand that it's our own fears we've created from within that STOPS us from venturing forth, from rising up, from getting into action... then there's no fear in communicating because we're in total awareness of our own fears and responses.
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