COMMUNICATION

Although I thought a few days back that it is prudent to be cautious in communication with your near and dear ones, and not say things bluntly, I wonder if one is not honest, then one is bound to keep up pretences. Is it wise to keep pretences with those whom you care for? If someone is going the wrong way after considering all the alternatives, is it right for us to remain silent, so as not to hurt the person who has taken a wrong decision?

Family and close friends are those who care about us. If they maintain caution and do not point out our inaccuracy then how can one improve? It is interaction, feedback, discussion which allows a person to grow. When we talk and discuss we use the wisdom, and experience of the other person. Unless there is free flow, how can we gain from the other? Sugar coated pills camouflage bitterness-but the bitterness is actually there. Is it not better to freely and frankly discuss a matter threadbare, than to push it under the carpet and give a wrong impression?

Confusion toh hai utter!! What to do? What is the right approach, I have to really really clear my mind of this muddle.

It is not always possible to think and talk rationally. If a person is so in control of one's speech and action then that person is surely a saint. That person is not emotionally charged. Where a person is emotional then anger, outburst, frustration is sure to appear. Should a person become so detached as to always be unemotional, and rational? Will that behaviour not make me more of an unemotional and detached person? How does that look in the context of a family?

Always maintaining an artificiality in our behaviour to my mind is not good. If we only play act all the time, the frustration that we are hiding is sure to find an outlet somewhere, which may really be too big an explosion. Is it not better to clear little little differences of opinions and talk them over, even if that ends up in a fight? Should one always try to maintain harmony even at the cost of it tantamounting to deception. Is it better to smoothen out rough edges or better to steer clear and maintain a distance from your dearest ones?

Discretion

It is said that communication channels must never be closed. One must be honest, free and frank. One should be able to express one's thoughts, without inhibition. There must be transparency and honesty. All these values that one grew up with, seem to be outdated today.

In my day to day relationship with all the people who I meet and interact with, I have observed that I often shy away from saying my true thoughts. Often, I camouflage them, or avoid saying harsh truths. There is no need to tell a lie, but it is possible to avoid telling the truth too. This is not a new thing, even in Mahabharata one comes across the dilemma of Yudhishtir who uses the words, " Ashwatthama Hata, Narova kunjarova", to mislead the opposite warring faction.

Discretion is the better part of valour, they say.

Perhaps , in every relationship, one needs to maintain a certain amount of distance, discretion and diplomacy. I used to believe, that one needs to be very honest, in every relationship. I am now thinking that one needs to nurture every relationship, however close it may be. For nurturing it, perhaps, one can simply avoid being brutally honest.

One has to manage each relationship. No one can be taken for granted. Every person needs to be given their space. Each person has his or her own value system, with which we grow up. Each person's reaction to a given situation is bound to be different. There can be no hard and fast rules to what is right and what is wrong. Therefore, imposing my thoughts on others, is definitely not right. I have to be willing to accept differences of opinion, and respect the thoughts and decisions of others.

We are all here on planet earth, for a short while. It is therefore desirable to be happy and allow everyone else also to be happy.

Relationships demand a lot of adjustment, understanding, space, mutual respect, and above all diplomacy and discretion.