Gold and its glitter.

Once upon time there was this rectangular J B Mangharam sweet box with the picture of Ram with a bow and arrow and Sita walking behind him which was my Pandora’s box. I would await its coming out from the almirah and landing on the bed. Then I would stand waiting eagerly for the Pandora’s box to open and show me the glitter, glitter, glitter of gold that lay within. There were beautiful necklaces and bangles and kangans and kadas, earrings and rings. One of the rings held my interest to such an extent that I still remember its design. It was an almond shaped ring with a lotus made on it in Minakari. I was always fascinated by this ring because the name of my mother is Kamal which means Lotus and this ring belonged to her. I always thought how appropriate that ring was.

So the box would open and the treasures would look at my face which I am sure was always filled with awe.

Those were the days when jewellery was kept at home, women wore them and did not hide them away in Bank Lockers. In today’s world all that glitters is indeed not gold. The jewellery shop on display that our brides have become today is like nobody’s business. The art, beauty and charm of adornment seems to have been lost. There is no beauty, no balance and no subtlety in the art of wearing clothes and adorning oneself with its accessories.

Everything seems to be a display.

Weddings have become a commercial venture. The sanctity and solemnity of the occasion seems to have been lost. There was a time long long ago when dowry was considered a bane, a burden, and a lot of social activists took it upon themselves to make sure that parents were not burdened with unnecessary expenditure to be incurred for marrying their daughter off. We had those wonderful years of austerity when at weddings the people could not be too ostentatious. Parents were rid of the burden of spending too much on weddings. One could not invite more than 100 guests at a wedding and no cereal could be served. There was a restriction on the number of dishes that could be served too. All those times seem to have gone very far away into the annals of history.

We are back to vulgar display of wealth and wasteful expenditure on wining and dining and numerous functions. 

A wedding is a personal affair and a social event for family and friends. If only people with immense wealth and influence could understand that they set a bad example for young people of impressionable age then perhaps they would not indulge in so much wasteful expenditure. If the amount of expenditure that the film stars have recently incurred on their weddings was spent for opening a school in a backward village or for supplying water to a village then they would forever earn the gratitude and blessings of the people who benefitted by their gracious act.

In a country where many young children die of malnutrition and many people do not get two square meals in a day, such display of wealth is grotesque. 
Much water has since flown down the Ganga, Volga, Thames and Amu Daria too, and my Pandora’s box too has got lost with time. The contents of the box went into an impersonal Bank locker from where some items would be brought out as and when needed.  The picture on the box of Ram and Sita wandering in the forest now remains locked away in my memory of a time when life was carefree, jewellery was kept at home, worn whenever one wished to and all that glittered was   actually gold. 

WE ARE ALL ACTORS

William Shakespeare, the Bard who lived in England from 1564 to 1616 said,

"All the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, 

They have their exits and their entrances, 

And one man in his time plays many parts". 

To these famous words I simply add that the actors depart hastily without a "by your leave" as soon as the curtain comes rolling down.

Your life’s script is written by you, the acting is all yours. You are totally responsible for your own life. What you learn, observe, believe, assume, imagine throughout life helps you to decide upon your next act. Throwing a tantrum, being humorous, funny, pleasant, friendly, grumpy, sad, distraught is all decided by you from one moment to another, the act also differs depending upon the spectators watching.

In the middle of a strange group you are always at your best behaviour and project the image that you want them to have of you. When alone with your loved ones, you disarm, you show your raw passion, your deep seated insecurity comes to the fore, your fears, your sadness, your own truth bares its fangs, and you come down heavily without that facade that you put on for strangers, on those who trust you implicitly and love you threadbare. Are your loved ones your own alter egos? What makes you want to hurt them the most? Because you trust that they will not leave you, betray you? They are like your shadow which you totally disregard, never see, never acknowledge and yet it never leaves you. It is always there, with you. 

I recently heard a conversation between two friends who were meeting after eight years. A beautiful young lady, well dressed, smart and oozing confidence narrated her woes to her friend after some cajoling. Her husband who is well placed is having an affair with a colleague, but does not agree to go in for a divorce which the wife wants. He says, "This is the way I am, you will have to adjust". The pretty lady does not want to enrich lawyers at her cost, nor wash dirty linen in public, she asks for a respectable divorce, which is denied to her. 

I felt very sorry to hear this tale as the lady is entrapped in a marriage where all her life she will have to enact the role of a happily married woman, knowing very well that her husband does not love her. 

Even in the # MeToo movement, a number of women from different walks of life are coming out to expose their tormenters. In the process they are also exposing their own self to immense judgements from all and sundry. All these years these women had been putting up a brave, happy, confident face, although they had been hurting with the immense pain caused to them by their colleagues who were callous, and had no respect for fellow human beings. 

Recently at a party, I overheard a group of senior menfolk saying, "There should be a stop to this #MeToo movement. Look at the houses that are breaking, look at the poor men who are being exposed, look at the humiliation these poor men are facing."

The women in the same group said, "It is all the fault of the women. These women provoke the men, they become very friendly, they talk freely, they go out for parties,  then why are they complaining now? "

It set me thinking.

Does it really matter to the world who you are or what is your intellectual capability? Does it matter to anyone about what your preferences are or what is it that you want to achieve in life? You set out to work with equal opportunity, but all that you get is the acknowledgement that you are a woman, not an equal. If you have the audacity to talk in a friendly way, then it is presumed that you are game to all those silly innuendoes. Those in a position of power use their position to make your life miserable by seeking favours, harassing you, not giving you your due, stopping your transfer, increment, promotion, insulting and humiliating you without batting an eyelid if you refuse to succumb. Most women do not succumb, some resist, put up a fight, some succumb, but each one of them suffers in silence. They do keep up their appearances. They wrap themselves up nicely, projecting an image of confidence, grace, happiness and success.

Everyone you meet in your journey through life is a judge. Mostly the judges are brutal, harsh, they use barbs, they hurt, they make you lose your confidence and yet you smile through your pain. Why does one smile through that pain?   

Exposing your pain will give them - your spectators, your judges more opportunity to hurt you. Your raw hurt needs to be kept under wraps, so that they don’t know where to hurt you next. 

You save yourself, shed tears of anger quietly, hate yourself,  and yet figure out how to face all those judges masquerading as your friend, philosopher and guide. 

Very seldom does one come across a genuine real person who does not want to get even with you, does not want to judge you, understands you.

This person is the one who believes in equality.  

THE PHENOMENA THAT IS YOU

We only live once,
This life is all that we have got,
We thrive on memories,
Good, bad and strong,
We dream of a future,
Rosy, bright and then get forlorn.

Resting on laurels,
Regretting our follies,
Anger, resentment and remorse,
Leads us to a world of hopelessness,
Where dooms day looms large,
We look for a grey sky with black rain,
And a dismal landscape with despair in our minds.

Every moment that is gone is gone forever,
Catch the moment, turn it around,
Get the most of precious time.
Spin yourself around like a dervish or a top and look at life with new eyes,
There is a silver lining behind that grey cloud,
Catch it, let it light your path,
What has gone will never come back,
Youth, glory, beauty, time,
They go away, fade away and become footsteps on the sands of time.


Make new memories of loving and giving,
Trusting and receiving,
Of bright and beautiful,
Abundance and freedom,
Forgiving the follies and foibles,
Choosing to rejoice,
Making your own destiny with your own mind.

Catch this moment, live it, love it, cherish it,
Life is simple, just accept it,
It is acceptance not expectation,
It is all about loving and not leaving,
It is all about you, and all that is yours,

Chisel your bright smile,
Carve your new self,
Crown yourself,
Choose yourself,
Remember.... YOU alone are phenomenal.

FOR AARIA

To my dear little grand daughter Aaria

Ten is a big number, of course you know!

You now enter the world of double digits.

Life will now be full of wonders,

Whatever you seek, you will find and it will be for keeps. 

You stride into this world as a big girl now,

Your days will be longer,

Your mind will be stronger,

All that you want will always be yours.

Always be the pretty little bright girl,

Always be happy and bring cheer,

Always take care of your self and your parents, 

Because life is their gift which you will always cherish.

On this special day my wish for you,

Shine bright, glow with health and happiness,

Be proud of all your achievements,

Live life long, love life forever, 

and of course, always be good.

Varsha Uke Nagpal

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.

When it's dark, you wait for your father's voice,
When you are scared you wait for his reassurance,
When you miss a step, he catches you deftly,
When you are lost, he backs you up with courage.

The person who holds back his tears and fears,
The one who stands with you as the clouds clear,
The one who dares, encourages and supports,
Is that man who encourages you while you change gears.

Father is that  dear person who will always be with you,
To help, guide, cajole, support, encourage and trust you.
HAPPY FATHER"S DAY to all the fathers out there,
You are loved, respected and surely revered.

LXX-that stands for SEVENTY.

Am I in a race against time? No, actually it is not a race at all, because I allow time to pass. As time passes  it often throws in reminders by showing me the calendar and the different seasons going past and telling me very subtly time and again that another spring has gone by and the season for planting new flowers and vegetables has arrived. I take the bait, plant new flowers and vegetables, but don't bother about the year that has gone by. I don't let time affect me and as there is no struggle, life remains quiet, peaceful and smooth.

Yet there was this day recently when I went to a sleepy little castle which was once bustling with life, joy, music, the best crockery, cutlery, wine, exotic style and famous people all  gathered to pass an evening together with happiness and fun.

On my visit to that castle I was struck by the quiet, solitude and stillness hanging in that very room which pulsated with joyful sounds, once upon a time. Today that very room with all its beautifully, carefully curated art work from all over the world told me that time had indeed

taken its toll here. People who laughed and joked and brought people together were no longer there. All that remained were the collections, the comforts, the memories.

In this world we collect so much, we beautify so much, we entertain so much and then we allow age to catch up.

People  become morose, tired, frustrated. Someone has got dementia and someone has become a full time care taker.

Is that what life is all about?

Despair, dismal, desolate and then inevitable death?

No, it is not karma. It is not the retribution for past sins of another life. This is the only life that an individual has. The only life to achieve, live and reap the rewards. What changes everything around is attitude.

Attitude towards life, time, woes, sorrow, hope, despair, happiness, memories.

We just need to pick ourself from wherever we are, take a good look at ourself, wrinkles, pouches, dark circles and all. Look at the pretty world that we have created and think of how we can still make a difference to this world and its people.

There are so many who need our wisdom, our experience, our guidance, our patience and our resilience. Pass it on, we can still make a difference.

Older people are a boon to society. They can show by their charm, wit, presence of mind and ability to go on, that age is just in the mind. One has to go on living irrespective of the number game and make that living worthwhile.

Khushwant Singh, kept writing till he died at the age of 99, Zohra Sehgal, who was an actress, dancer, choreographer, was 95 when she acted in Chini Kum,  Fauja Singh, 104 year old marathon runner, who took up this sport at the age of 80 when he moved to London, still runs.

There are many others but I am talking of only a few whom we all know of and who did not allow age to affect their life.

If they could continue till the age of 100, then why fret when our age is not yet around 70, take a few or add a  few numbers? We still have at least another thirty years to make a difference.

The correct attitude, acceptance of hope rather than despair, looking at the silver lining rather than the dark cloud in front of it, could well be the chariot which will carry us forward with a beacon in our hand lighting the path for others to follow.

It is a win win situation.

Go on, live it up, make a difference.

My dear Kunaal,

You may  read this quickly today, as it is a  very very important day of your life.
You have friends, parents, sisters and relatives wishing you and demanding your time and attention.
Some other day please read this again and ponder over it.

You bright and brilliant much loved boy came into our lives 18 years ago. We your grand parents had arrived in London just a day before and when we had to go to St. Thomas's hospital at night, we were quite nervous. We waited in a room at the end of the corridor, waiting and worrying and wishing that everything would go well. There was a bit of a problem and then quickly your dear papa came and told us that we have a grandson. Kunaal we both-your Nana and I shed tears of joy. My dear daughter had brought forth a life who was one of our own.
We were very relieved and so very delighted.
We were with you for a month, then I went back to Dehradun, Nana stayed back in London.
When you were just three months old  you all came to Delhi to attend the wedding of your Mama Anurag.
You were surely dressed up well in wedding finery. Just a three month old cute little baby.

In September of that year my daddy and Anni went to London to be with you for three months.
Nana spent a lot of time with you till you were two.
You have been loved and have given a lot of love back to all of us.

Kunaal, let me tell you that none of us know our own potential.
We have to be shown the heights that we can reach, we have to be told of those goals that we can achieve.
We have to be directed, helped and in moments of doubt explained a thing or two.
When we are young, we are enthusiastic about everything, we are quite aware of everything, we have the energy and the strength to do anything,  but  we do not know how to spend that energy.
Parents and grandparents are always there to help and guide.
A parent has to teach, show the path and also put up with the rigours of the growing up years of the child. It is a very difficult phase of life. A child makes a young couple parents. A trust develops between a parent and child, as the parents want nothing but the best for their child and the child knows no one other than their parent.
Love, trust, belonging, devotion all develop in the growing up years of both child and parent.

A grand parent like me is rather practical, strict and demanding. Sorry if I have not been very indulgent, but I know that for me you three grand children mean more than anything else in this world. When you were little, I was not the grandmother who only loved, I was quite strict and wanted to teach you and may have been quite harsh. I was not at all the grandmother who only cajoles as grandmothers are supposed to do, but never mind.


Kunaal, I wish that you  touch the pinnacle of glory and success. May your name shine bright and in turn raise the bar for your two sisters.
We look up to you to remain that kind, considerate, loving, accomplished young man, who will make heads turn, not only because of your extremely good looks, but also because of what you become.
This is your life Kunaal, lead it well carefully, be happy, achieve everything that you want.
Let me not demand that you fulfil the desires of your parents and grandparents, but let me wish that you walk on the path that you have been shown quite well by your parents and teachers.
Education is the biggest gift in this world because it teaches us everything and can take us where we want to go.
On this special day I wish you great health, good humour, lots of love and wish that all your dreams come true.

Do take me out in your Ferrari or was it Aston Martin when you buy it. We will go out for coffee- just you and me.....OK?
Lots and lots of love,
Your nani,

Varsha