BELATED FATHER'S DAY

Father, Papa, Daddy, Dad, Pitaji, Babuji, all are words that denote a person. It defines a person who is responsible for our existence. He is one half of our baby world. A person who keeps a stiff upper lip. The one who does all those mundane, uninteresting, boring, tough jobs. He does not cry with you. He keeps a tough exterior as he wants you to be brave. He does not molly coddle you when you are feeling down in the dumps. He asks you to be brave and face the world. No sheltering and pampering, and bending down to your persistent tantrum. He is the tough one, who makes you stand on your feet.

He also has emotions, he is a human being too, but since either your mother or father has to be strong and tough, he takes up that role, as a mother is softer and more vulnerable.

We do not often appreciate our father as he always disciplines us. A man is supposed to be tough - "supposed"....that is how it has been decided by society. Is it actually like that or has that been defined and so that is the way a man is expected to behave? How often have we told our son, "Don't cry like a girl?" Why do we let them grow up to believe that girls cry, but boys are not supposed to cry. Boys have to learn early to control their emotions. They have to keep the stiff upper lip. In a crisis a man has to show courage, be brave and lead. They are trained to do that.

That is the reason we see our father as the person who we cannot take for a ride. A mother gets swayed by emotions, she cries when she sees her child hurt. She soothes and calms down a whining child. A soft father is a rarity. They do have their emotions. They support you when you are weak. They give you the courage to withstand the difficulties in life. They teach you to fight back. They show you the world as it is. A tough place-where one has to be able to fight on one's own.

In moments of pain or agony or sorrow we are liberal with the use of the words,"Oh maaaaa,","Mummmmmyyyyyyyy". But remember what we utter in moments of astonishment or danger,"Baap re".

Father-the silent supporter, the appearing to be stone hearted person is also a loving and kind person at the end of the day. It is time to demonstrate and give up inhibitions-on both sides.

This was written on Father's Day when I remembered my father who was compassion and kindness personified. A very thoughtful and loving person who is sorely missed. I also thought of all those people who would wish their father today and thought of the father who would now wait for the next year to get another demonstration of affection from his children. Sometimes that next year does not come.....

KEW GARDENS,LONDON

I grew up on an overdose of England. Keats, Byron, Shelley were my favourite poets, and of course Wordsworth and Tennyson, were on my favourite's list too. They took me to the lovely meadows, lakes, countryside, downs, highlands, the daffodil, cuckoo, nightingale and also to a country churchyard! Enid Blyton, Georgette Heyer, Agatha Christie belonged to another genre, responsible for my mind wandering over the quaint railway stations from where children went to Boarding school, the boarding schools themselves, Malory Towers, and Katy. Georgette Heyer with her invaluable forays into London, introduced me to Pall Mall, Pimlico, Picaddilly, Haymarket, Shaftesbury Avenue, and what have you!!! Little did I know that London would actually come alive to me-and how???

Chaitali, my daughter came to live in London and my visits to London have become more than an annual event. Watching the fat squirrels running around, the fox running across streets freely, the trees and there foliage, the huge commons, the row upon row of endless houses, was as though I had seen this happening forever. I never felt as though I was seeing anything for the first time, it was all like deja - vu. The little handkerchief size gardens in front of the houses are an amazing sight. The little patch of garden is arranged very nicely with lovely roses of different colours and hues. Everything is so coordinated, as though it is a jig saw puzzle with every piece fitted snug and in place. Some houses do not have gardens, yet the stones are arranged in a manner which is a delight to watch. There are rows of different coloured stones placed artistically. It amazes me to see the amount of labour that goes into this work of art.

It's interesting to go down Shaftesbury Avenue and see the number of theatres there. The plays are really worth watching. The performances are excellent and the sets are out of this world. Having all the theatres conglomerated in a specific place is appropriate. The whole atmosphere in that area is charged with art and acting. The number of performances that go on continuously shows the love for theatre,and drama in this part of the world. Tickets have to be booked in advance and are not easily available.The Mouse Trap is the longest running play in London.

Oxford Street, King's Road, Harrods, Selfridges offer such unique shopping experiences. They are like sight seeing tours and do not appear to be mundane shopping expeditions. The amount of pain that has been taken to get this exquisite feeling across is marvellous.

I never feel out of place in London. I seem to belong here, obviously it is the effect of all those books that I read, imbibed, visualised and visited every time I read any of the authors named by me.

Recently when I visited Kew Gardens near Richmond, I went away to another era of horse drawn carriages, days when there was no electricity, yet there was the interest to develop a garden with different kinds of plants from all over the world. Today, it has the largest collection of living plants in the world. This garden is celebrating 250 years of it's existence this year. It is growing and has a lovely collection of trees from the desert, tropical, temperate, aquatic, and rain forest kind of climate. The different types of green houses maintaining different types of climates is a wonderful sight. The Princess of Wales conservatory is a marvel where one big hall having different segments has total climatic control to display plants and flowers from ten climatic zones, of the world. One full section is devoted to the carnivorous plants. The Venus fly trap, the pitcher shaped flowers , and many other such plants which eat insects were amazing to see.

The magnolia patch, the azalea garden - presently a riot of colours, the rhododendron dell which has about 700 specimen of these flowers are also in full bloom at this time of the year, and rose pergola were indeed a treat. The lilies, the lotus and lovely orchids from the temperate as well as the tropical climes,the ferns, besides the variety of cacti with a lot of them blooming with exquisite flowers, was simply beautiful. The walk down a whole collection and variety of holly, was lovely.

Huge tamarind trees, different types of palm, cocoa, coffee trees, coconut, rubber, papyrus, oak, beech, deodar, baobab- name the tree and you are sure to find it at Kew Garden. There is even a garden dedicated to grass, which has 550 species of grass. The Bamboo garden has 120 specimens, brought from all over the world.

There are a number of heritage trees in the garden. Each one has its plaque giving a short history. It's almost as if the tree is venerated. There are little plaques meant for children, called "The Darwin Trail", which make it very interesting for them to see, read and learn about trees and their importance, to the earth.

There is a walkway, which is about 59 feet above ground level. One can see the treetops from that level. It's a lovely walk, where one walks at the level of the tip of the tallest trees. The view is breath taking. As though to give a grand finale to our experience, there was a peacock near the walk who was bent upon giving his own performance. He spread his tail and preened about, giving everyone an opportunity to take beautiful snapshots of him in his full splendour. What a colourful and perfectly designed specimen of beauty on earth.

A trip to an English garden on a warm summer 's day- is there anything else that a person needs? A walk in nature, and a riot of colours, a collection of plants amazingly brought together, painstakingly preserved-these are the delights of life, to be enjoyed. I thoroughly enjoyed my day at Kew Gardens.

TIMELESSNESS

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" said Charles Dickens in "A tale of two cities". I too have a tale of two cities, London and Nashua. It's a tale of two continents and three of my most favourite people. It is only about the best of times, not about the worst of times!!

I wonder if anyone will be able to understand when I say that the last eight months of my life were the best of times of my life? Indeed, it was. Such a lot happened, so many occassions were celebrated. So many get togethers of the family happened. There was Christmas time when Chaitali and her children came to visit us in snow clad Nashua, and were ushered away for a surprise holiday instead to sunny Florida, and a visit to Disneyland, and the Sea world. Aaria's first birthday, which brought all of us together, is a never to be forgotten experience. The happiness of the three children together was delightful to watch. I wrote a lot, and realised that there are certain hidden talents which can be nurtured at any age.

TNN and I took so many vacations-our visit to Washington DC and Philadelphia, our trip to Seneca and Clemson in South Carolina, our quick trip to New York, were all interesting, learning experiences. We almost traversed from one end of US to the other on the East Coast. We met friends, made friends and saw interesting places where American history was made.

Watching little Aaria grow up in front of my eyes was a delight which cannot be described in words. It has to be experienced, it has to be felt. It was another learning experience, it was a foray into the small little happy world of a little baby. A baby who conquers the world with a little smile...the genuine smile, happiness and satisfaction that a baby has, is an experience which cannot be measured. True love, true happiness, unconditional genuine love is what a baby gives you in return for nothing. You can simply take and take and take.

It was the best of times because I experienced all that love without any effort on my part. I saw and experienced that unconditional love and devotion in another place, which was London, when I got an opportunity to spend time with my grand children- Kunaal and Aaliya. Those were shorter spells as I was working and did not have time at a stretch to spend with them. Yet, whatever short spells I had were spent in utter bliss. I will never forget the delight that Aaliya showed me, when she was about one and a half year old. I had come from Delhi and after looking at me, Aaliya started running from one end of the room to the other, non stop and giving delightful gurgles all the time. Children have such a nice way of expressing their genuine affection and happiness. Can I ever forget the day Kunaal told his teacher in his Private School that his comprehension was so good because his grandmother had taught him. I had tears in my eyes and immense pride in my heart. What more could I have asked for??

Life teaches us so many lessons....it is only we, who do not have the time to learn. We waste every opportunity and keep looking for happiness, not realising that happiness is with us at every step.

Children are such imaginative people. They believe so easily, they trust so easily. Aaliya told me that Santa Claus really exists and every night he comes out to put the stars in the sky. During Christmas he has to work harder as he has to put out more twinkling stars and also deliver gifts. The child's world is full of admiration and they have simple solutions to complex problems. I like them to keep their imagination alive, and live in utter bliss, as long as they can.

Little Aaria would wake up during the day, pick up her little pink elephant, stand up in her cot and look expectantly at the door, trusting that her Da would be there instantaneously. I never failed her, until the day I left Nashua.

Trust, belief, hope, expectation, dream, we all have them as children, somewhere in the course of our life, we start loosing all these. Then we try to gather all these again, so that we can simplify life once again.

My stay with my grand children has taught me to be patient, to enjoy a smile, to accept love and trust as it comes. Their little problems, their little expectations, their total and abject devotion, is something which will remain with me for life.

I have seen a lot of the world, I have enjoyed my job as a Banker, I have seen and been through a lot of happy experiences in my life, but what these eight months gave to me is memories for an entire lifetime. These months also helped me to focus on the time spent by me in London with Kunaal and Aaliya. These three- Kunaal, Aaliya and Aaria are the most precious people for me in the whole world. There is a saying in India that "one loves the interest more than the principle amount". The fact is that the interest is more loved, because by the time one reaches this age to enjoy children, mundane problems of life would have already been settled. Career, office, hassles of building up assets, etc would have already settled. This is the time to catch up with small blessings which we had avoided for so long. It's grandchildren who are life's most precious gift.