As
we turned the corner on our way towards India Gate, Aaria who had
been intently looking out of the car window, suddenly said, "Look
Dadi, I can see Nani. Nani is following me."
In
moments such as these I get totally flustered and so, to avoid saying
something confusing I tried to change the topic. It is quite easy to
divert the attention of an almost six year old. She quickly started
playing one of the many car games that we play on our little
journeys. Although she was playing with me, her eyes would keep
wandering off looking towards the sky and she was quite content to
see her Nani following her in the form of a star. When we turned onto
one of the many flyovers of Delhi, she said, "Dadi, look, there
is another bright star next to Nani, why is that star following me?"
I
had tears in my eyes, as I didn't know what to say. She, who recently
lost her dear Nani to the horrendous cancer, had been told that her
Nani had become a star and would always watch over Aaria. It broke my
heart to see the hope, the happiness of an innocent child who
believes in the magical words of her mother who herself did not
know how to deal with the questions of a little child longing to see
her Nani.
Really
death! You leave all of us so helpless!
Although Rita had been diagnosed as suffering from Cancer, her devoted husband
left no stone unturned to ensure that she got the best treatment
available. Her beautiful and extremely dutiful daughters who both
live abroad, were also consulting a well known oncologist in Boston.
All reports, scans, medication, progress was always shared with the
American Doctor and advice was obtained from her.
Both
the daughters were in India for the last 16 months as though they
were traveling between two cities of India. Sujata was traveling
up and down from Montreal almost after every fifteen days. Jharna and her
little daughter missed work and school and looked after Rita. Those
sixteen months were very tough. Every day was spent with more
anxiety, more hope, more fear. Each one was full of questions which
were often left unasked. What do you ask and what does anyone know? Every day was taken one at a time.
My
constant advice was to rejoice in the fact that your mother is there
with you today. Please be happy that she is there. Please do not look
at the future and cry for that time when she may not be there. Life
is very uncertain and no one knows what might happen tomorrow. My
hollow advice was always accepted. It is very difficult to live your
life in today when you see life deteriorating right in your face. It
is very difficult to block out the thought of tomorrow.
Even
though death has now actually happened, the acceptance that the
wonderful, beautiful, graceful, generous Rita will never laugh that
pretty laugh and will not insist upon your having just one bite
before you leave, is a far, far cry.
Those
who have loved and lost a dear one will understand what I say, but
what do I tell my little grand daughter, who waits for the evening so
that she can see her Nani close to her watching over her. I don't
know why but her belief and reassurance makes me feel extremely sad.
I
look at Sujata and Jharna trying very hard to pick up the pieces of
life. They are being very strong and putting up a very brave front.
Yes life goes on, but they are right now holding each other together.
Happy
are those who believe in destiny and the will of God. Happy are those
who believe that God takes away those whom he loves most. They can
seek solace and give up themselves to the will of God. Perhaps that
is the reason why religion and an all empowered omnipresent God was
created.
10 comments:
It is in times when the mind is shattered, hope is lost and everything looks bleak that one needs the crutches of God.In times of distress, it is so much easier to palm off the responsibility to someone on whom no one has any control. It is when reason is difficult to accept that faith helps. Perhaps that is what keeps the entire humanity going.
Seema Kumar said in Facebook,"Yes di God is the way we presume him to be, the way we like to believe in him. well written".
Gopa Roy said in Facebook," i go through all your blogs. you write beautifuly. ienjoy reading your blogs"
Voltaire said, "If God did not exist it would be necessary to invent him."Your story demonstrates so poignantly the man's need for God
Children are tougher than what we think. They adapt easily and accept change better. It is our weakness that we dont make the effort to make them realise facts. We tend to underestimate their strengths and resilience as we think that they are weaker than us. Creating a dangerous concept of god is akin to handing over a loaded gun to the child. All this because we find it difficult to face reality and hesitate to make the child also face them.
very touching ...i have mixed emotions right now..happy n sad
Varsha,
This is so reminiscent of the time , about two weeks after I lost Babu ( my first Husband),my daughter Leela,
wrote a prayer in her diary addressed to God and her father saying Appa please, please come back, I am missing you, and we need you. I still get tears when I think of it, although we all coped with the loss in our own ways.But it did flummox me as to how to deal with with my child's trusting belief that God and her father would make everything alright.Perhaps that helped me to deal with the situation, as I worked harder to try and keep that simple faith intact.
Three decades down,I have been through many thoughts and roads regarding the existence and need for a God, and consider myself to be an atheist(most of the time!). But there are occasions when I still need to pray to an external God for strength!
Your blog is beautifully written!
"Happy are those who believe in destiny and the will of God. Happy are those who believe that God takes away those whom he loves most. They can seek solace and give up themselves to the will of God. Perhaps that is the reason why religion and an all empowered omnipresent God was created."
That says it all, I don't think I can add anything more. I think I have expressed similar sentiments in some of my earlier posts. It is like a man falling down and reaching out to hold on to something to prevent the fall. it is as one grows old, the reality of death dawns and in the process of seeking answers this is a hope - God and destiny, that he clings on to find solace. Whether it is just a creation or a fact is an open question
Creation is nothing but an invented story. The story told to little Maira about her Nani and the stars, has nothing to do with god, but a created story in how to remember. It's all about a memory. I can choose to remember my uncle by posting pictures in my mind, creating mental movies of my time with him. That's my invented, created story of how I want to remember him. Maira's been told a 'star' story. We can all create and invent a way to deal with and handle, death. There's no right or wrong way. There's whatever way that works. And works' means, someone can get their understanding of the situation through the process. And yes, Maira will find her own way to understand when she's ready to, in her own mind, and it's possible it may not be based on a story that she's currently been told.
Sudeshna Chakraborti said in Facebook," Varsha, the most inexplicable aspect of death is that we expect it to strike us for a major part of our adult life. Gradually while it takes away our parents and other loved ones, we are never really ready for it. Your little granddaughter will take it in her stride and that will be her first step towards growing up."
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